I feel like I'm failing

[Colette0988]

I have a 6 week old baby girl and I'm really struggling.

Today she has had one nap lasting 2 hours. Now she is overtired and will not settle. This means a night of been constantly on the boob.

What am I doing wrong??? I try every technique in the book. We think she is suffering from reflux and yes I read about the 4th trimester.

The next to me crib is up at an angle, she is swaddled, we use white noise, in between feeds I try to settle her with rocking but all she wants is boob.

She won't settle in a pram, the car or vibrating seat or in a carry sling.

Sometimes in the day I can put her down but it's rare.

I feel like I'm going mad please help

I went through this. It's a phase and they do outgrow it but it's hell until they do! We found that my DD can't sleep in the light, we got a snooze shade for car trips and used black out blinds in the day. If she only sleeps on you in the daytime, let her sleep on you if you can stay awake. Also, controversial, but I did co-sleep. Google safer co-sleeping guidelines. Hang in there, you're doing great and it does get better.

Congratulations on your baby! Is this your first? You’re not going mad, babies love a boob more than anything and sometimes (especially when they are this little) it’s literally the only thing that will keep them settled day or night. DS3 is 4 weeks old and I am amazed at how much he sleeps because his two big brothers NEVER let me put them down, esp DS1. When he was little I barely managed to do anything and he only wanted to be attached to me constantly. It was exhausting but eventually (and I can’t remember how long it was) he got better and better at being in the buggy/car seat etc so I could at least go for a walk or drive with him. He still is (at 4yo) a rubbish sleeper! I wish I had some great advice but I honestly think that you just have to ride it out and it WILL get better. Don’t beat yourself up, try to enjoy all the cuddles as much as you can, don’t feel guilty if sometimes you have to just put baby down for a few minutes so you can go to the loo/make a cuppa/shower etc. Xxx

Thank you!
Yes it's my first. I've got so many friends who's babies are younger than mine who are out and about getting on with life. Whereas I can barely brush my teeth.
Because she has been so unsettled I haven't really ventured out much. My husband seems to think it will help her if I go out even if she spends the whole trip screaming, what do you think? X

It probably will help you just to get out even if it’s just a walk around the block / to the park. It’s easier to be outdoors with a screaming baby than in a confined space! Have you tried any drop in type baby groups? It’s always good to chat to other mums and you might find that you’re not the only one with a ‘difficult’ baby :-) Nobody would judge you if you turn up hair a mess etc I also really believe that babies can ‘smell the fear’ so anything you can do to relax a bit and not worry so much might help your baby to chill out a bit too! X

Look up the four month sleep regression. Is it possible baby is doing this very early? That's what mine did and I couldn't go anywhere, it was so stressful because she just screamed for the entire time I was out. For me it was definitely less stressful to stay in, she got over it in her own time.

You haven't done anything wrong, this sounds like completely normal behaviour for a six week old baby. She's been in your tummy for nine months, you're all she's ever known so of course she wants to be close to you. Have you thought about getting a sling? Then she can be close and you'll still have your hands free to do other things.

@Colette0988 how are you getting on? Have things improved at all? X

Newborns can be a total pain for this reason. My baby was born in the middle of the heatwave - I spent the first half if it wishing I’d give birth as being pregnant was so awful in the heat, but then she arrived and I literally couldnt put her down without her screaming and going purple so I carried her all the time, only in a sling. It was boiling. She’s my third child in three years and it was a total shock as the other two had been fine and I’d been able to get on with life. I had to have her in the sling pretty much non stop for 10 weeks.

However, I realised pretty quickly she just wanted to be held and so just got on with it as it’s so much more peaceful to hold a baby that likes to be held. At 10 - 12 weeks she just started to be happier to look around and I can now put her in the pram or on a mat. It was pretty annoying having a child strapped to me constantly but it does pass. I used to look down at her and know she just wanted me and to be close.

Your friends have different babies, yours just loves being held. It’s totally normal but really exhausting.

I don’t have any advice but I’ve been there and it’s tough.

We had a really lovely family weekend out in the fresh air, everyone got a reasonable amount of sleep and felt refreshed!
This week however........has not been great.
I've realised there is hardly a moment in the day when she is awake and happy, I feel like this is not how it was meant to be, where is the content baby who happily sits in my arms?
We have our 6 week check with the GP tomorrow so am going to discuss treatment options for her reflux.

Thank you for checking up on me. It's a hard road at the moment x

She's 6 weeks old your not doing anything wrong welcome to motherhood where your a walking zombie for Atleast 6-9 months 😫

It’s great that you had a good weekend! At 6 weeks I wouldn’t expect baby to be sitting around happily for long periods yet though so don’t worry too much about that. It’s still very very early days and for now she will probably only want to be sleeping or eating and then getting grumpy if realises she’s doing neither! At the moment for me at least unless he is in the sling and I’m walking (and he’s asleep) or he’s on the boob then he’s rarely settled for more than a few minutes at a time. I left him with DH yesterday to go pick up DS2 from nursery and DH was calling me within about 5 mins to ask me if I was coming home yet!