Breaking point with 3 month olds sleeping habits

[AnnieM18]

No sleep with 3 month old baby

I have a 3 month old (13 weeks) baby boy. He was a bad sleeper and a cat napper from birth. When he was about 8 weeks I introduced a routine for naps (following a recommended sleep programme), started swaddling him for naps and at night, dark room for naps as well as at night and started using whitenoise. His sleep instantly improved. He now naps well and follows a 7am-7pm routine. At night for the first 2 weeks of following the routine he was waking at 1am and 4am for a feed and went back to sleep fairly easily and was awake for the day around 6.30am Then he dropped the 1am feed and only woke at 4am and things were great!
About 2/3 weeks ago, it all went wrong. He started waking frequently at night and he won’t resettle after a feed. He can’t self settle yet. For naps and at night I generally swaddle him, put the dummy in, whitenoise on, hold/rock him for a minute or 2 until he’s sleepy and relaxed then I pop him in his crib and he goes off to sleep easily. I am working towards self settling but we’re not there yet. He is a baby who fights his sleep so to even get a method for settling him is huge.

However, these last couple weeks that won’t even work at night. After a feed, he spends 45 minutes or more thrashing around the crib awake after I’ve put him down. He bangs in legs up and down and tosses and turns and groans. Replacing the dummy doesn’t help nor does “ssshhhing” him or putting a hand on his chest (all things that worked before).

I am breastfeeding him, so thinking that it might have been hunger related, I’ve started giving him a dream feed of formula around 10/10.30am when I go to bed. Some nights it’s helped get him through to around 3am. Other nights he stirs a couple times before this but once I pop the dummy in, he goes back over so I don’t mind that. The problem comes after I feed him.

This was last night
6.30-7pm Bath, feed and bed
10.30pm 5oz bottle formula (he won’t take more than 5oz)
1.50am stirs awake coughing (he has silent reflux I think the formula was coming back up). Dummy in and Straight back to sleep.
3.30am awake and starting to cry so I lift him and (breast)feed him and changing his nappy.
4.10am Swaddle him, dummy In, rock him gently for a couple minutes then put him into his crib .
4.15am he starts thrashing around and banging his legs in the cot. I replace dummy and “ssshh” him. He goes quiet then a few minutes later it starts again. I keep doing this until eventually at 5.15am with my hand on his chest, he falls asleep.

5.50am he’s awake again and starting to cry. I think he’s hungry. I lift him and feed him. He only feeds for a short time and falls asleep on the breast so I re-swaddle him etc and put him back down. He becomes unsettled again. He finally goes quiet around 6.45am

7am we get up for the day. After a quick feed he fills a huge nappy (perhaps that was working on him through the night?)

The previous night he stirred at midnight and 2am. Both times he went back over instantly with the dummy and woke for a feed at 4am. The rest of the night was the same.

I don’t know if he is hungry or uncomfortable from trapped wind and silent reflux or it’s a self settling issue or all of the above. I know babies don’t sleep through the night but I feel there is an issue here that I can’t quite work out what it is.

I am at breaking point with this and so utterly exhausted and I would really welcome any suggestions from anyone who has experienced something similar with their little ones. Thank you so much in advance xx

It does all sound quite normal OP. My DS was similar although his unsettled period was at the start of the night and then he'd finally settle around 3am for a stint of maybe 3 hours if I was lucky. You are hitting prime sleep regression and growth spurt time too, so he could well be extra hungry. For me, the only thing that worked in the end was co-sleeping - I could doze while DS fed and we both got tons more sleep! I appreciate it's not for everyone though. Definitely see your HV or GP to rule out any underlying issues if you think he's in pain. Otherwise I found 6.5months a real turning point for sleep. DS is 16mo and still doesn't sleep through but much better than he was. Good luck and I hope it improves soon.

Thank you katnissK. I appreciate your reply. I think I will talk to my health visitor that’s good advice just in case. If there’s no physical problem then I guess I’ll have to accept that it’s normal and power through. I considered co-sleeping just to get some rest but im not sure I would relax enough to sleep. Thank you x

Hiya. Your nights sound like mine! I’ve given into co sleeping. I was like you and couldn’t really relax at first but I’m now finding
I’ve got used to it and actually get some sleep now whilst my little girl latches on and feeds when she needs to. I’ve kicked daddy out as he wasn’t getting any sleep for fear of rolling over onto her! My LG is 4 months now so I’m hoping it’s the sleep regression making things a bit worse. She’s been like this since 3 months. So what you need to do to get through, that’s what I’m telling myself! Good luck

do what you need to do

Sorry to say that I think that's normal/actually pretty good. The only thing that stuck out was the nappy change. It's hard not to wake them up with that. I don't tend to change them unless they've pooed.

Co sleeping might help as the settling period is sort of eliminated but I understand it's not for everyone

Thanks ladies. I’ll maybe cut out the nappy change and try to weather the storm and wait for things to improve naturally. I’ll consider co-sleeping it I can’t take it anymore.

Is he going through a wonder week? I find that app very helpful I'd recommend downloading it.

The trashing about would lead me to believe he has trapped wind, do you wind him before putting him down to sleep? You could elevate his mattress slightly to help.

We were the exact same, had an amazing sleeper up until the 4 month sleep regression then it all went haywire! I'm currently trying to fix my 5.5 month olds broken sleep using an app called Huckleberry finding it really good with great tips and guidance! He was having 10ish wake ups EVERY night. We're on week 1 and sleep is getting slightly better but I know it can take weeks to crack.

As a pp pointed out you are about to hit a growth spurt and then 4 month sleep regression pretty soon so just do what you can to survive, sleep training is better after that, optimal after 6 months apparently . I found co sleeping amazing for getting sleep and still do it now as DS wakes up at 4am most nights and will only settle back in with me, I will literally do anything now for more sleep

FYI I always thought that DS throwing his legs in the air and bashing them back down was a sign of distress but then I read somewhere that it's actually a self settling technique some babies use, that and throwing their head from side to side.

Ohh I didn’t know it could be self settling, he does it all the time and also moves his head from side to side like you mention. I could never work our why he was doing that! So he could be trying to get himself off to sleep? Pity it could take him a full hour each time 🙈 I must download that app thanks.

I have the wonder weeks app and he’s not in a leap at the minute but is due to come into one soon so this could get worse!

It’s all guess work at this stage but I really appreciate all the advice ladies, it all helps x

I probably don’t wind him enough during the night. Once he’s sleepy after a feed, I use that as my opportunity to put him back down. Maybe I need to wind him longer. Thanks

Yep so strange that they would find that kind of thrashing around soothing but there you go! Maybe just give him a minute or two before you jump in to help! I found around that age DS stopped wanting me to rock him to sleep but preferred if I just sat by his cot and rubbed the back of his hand or down the bridge of his nose! Sometimes we can hinder by jumping straight in what what has always worked before, as they get older their needs change! Now DS would scream the house down if I attempted to rock him to sleep

We hired a sleep consultant who gave us advice based on an hour long conversation. I was so stressed out in the days after trying to implement her schedule and he just wouldn't nap at the times she wanted him to. I was in the verge of tears everyday when we battled yet another nap time and I was (and still am) exhausted.

The app was easier for me to follow and now I don't stress as much where his naps fall once he has the right amount of awake time between and before bedtime and the total is somewhere around the 3/3.5 hour mark. Every baby is different mine likes to change up his nap times everyday and naps anywhere from 20mins to 2.5 hours depending on his mood! The app has given me great tips on stretching out his naps that I'll try implement soon! I'm much more relaxed now.

It all sounds pretty normal to me for that age. Does he need a nappy change after the feeds? Unless it's a poo, you could just leave him be.

But if he has reflux, could that be bothering him? My DD had silent reflux, and we found that keeping her upright for 20-30 min after feeding helped. Sometimes. Also feeding smaller amounts more often (not great for nights, I realise). But if he struggles with the reflux you might want to talk to you HV and/or GP about that. We got medication for DD, and it was a game changer.

My ds is 5 months and I've never been able to put him down to sleep in his cot, he will wake within 5-10 minutes. We basically were co-sleeping from very early one, but he's a great little sleeper this way. When he wakes for milk, I can put him on to feed (I also breastfeed), and fall back asleep. Sometimes we do have the odd night where I'll end up having to sit, rock him etc but generally it's fine. You can look up NHS guidelines for safe co-sleeping if that's something you would consider.