Newborn will only sleep on me

[FuchsiaG]

Hi, my 11 day old baby sleeps fine in his Moses basket throughout the day but on a night he will only sleep on my chest.

We have a Chico next to me crib attached to the bed but he screams whenever he is put in this. We’ve tried putting his Moses basket into the crib but the same thing happens. He sleeps well on my chest but I know this isn’t particularly safe or sustainable long term. I mentioned this to my health visitor this morning and she was adamant that I have to stop this immediately and I must get him in his crib as she said the risk of SIDS is too high if I continue with this.

Does anyone have any advice on how to settle him on a night in his crib? We tried for the first two nights that he was home and he screamed until 5am each night until I eventually let him sleep on my chest.

Thank you :)

I had this with my little boy and to be honest I couldn't get him back into the next to me. I ended up co-sleeping with him as that was the only way I could get any sleep. Your hv & midwife will advise you not to but as long as you research it and it safely there should be no risks. My son is now 2 and we are currently in the process of moving him into his own bedroom. Sorry I don't have any more advise on how to get him back into the next to me.

Can you read some information about co sleeping safely? Dc 2 and 3 didn’t sleep well in their baskets, but once I accepted they slept better with me, everyone got a better nights sleep. Prepared, well thought out co sleeping is (IMO) safe. It’s the cosleeping that is done through sheer exhaustion, at 3am, when you just doze off that is far more concerning.

To get baby in their basket: Suggestions I was given include putting a hot water bottle in the basket to warm the sheets before baby goes in (obviously remove bottle before putting baby in). Swaddle baby before putting down so they feel more secure and don’t do the flailing arm thing that could wake them.

How do you feel about co sleeping?

You could feed to sleep on your side (if you are breastfeeding) and get the baby to sleep that way.

Have you tried swaddling? Rocking the Moses basket etc.? Have you tried waiting a bit to make sure he is in a deeper sleep before putting down? White noise? Dummies?

I have the same issue at 3 months but luckily it is during the day she won’t nap by herself so I just kind of get stuck on the sofa with Netflix/ Mumsnet.

Google the fourth trimester, it may not give you tips but it'll explain what's going on so you can be a bit kinder to yourself.
My second slept on my chest for the first 11 weeks then suddenly went into her cot and hasn't slept on me again since.
Definitely check out the safe co sleeping guidelines too

Thank you for you’re replies.

I initially did not want to co sleep as I was concerned about safety but feel this may be the only way we manage. I bought one of the Babymoov Cosydream mattresses to put in our bed but again he won’t settle on this, even though he sleeps on this fine throughout the day in his basket. We have also tried to put two his in the Chico crib but no joy.

I’ve also tried white noise and have bought one of those dreams eat sheep sleep aids but so far this doesn’t seem to make any difference yet.

Maybe I’m not waiting long enough before trying to transfer him into his crib. This is probably a silly question but how long do you think would be a good time to wait before trying to move him?

For those of you who do co sleep can you tell me how you got to the point where you felt confident you were doing this safely? Is there anything in particular you use?

I haven’t tried dummies yet but they may be an option.

Thank you so much for replying. I feel very down after the health visitor visit and am already dreading tonight.

Apologies for typos!

You have a very normal newborn by the sounds of it!

I have co slept with all of mine. I feel I am fully aware of them throughout the night, while still getting a good amount of sleep. I am a light sleeper though, don't drink or take drugs. I keep the duvet up to my waist only, and have a baby blanket over the baby if they are on my chest or next to me, then a light tog sleeping bag once they are older.

Try warming the crib with a hot water bottle before putting him in. Also put the sheet in your bed in the day so it smells of you, or roll up your worn t shirt and put it in the crib next to him.
Also swaddle!
And don't get upset by the health visitor. They have guidelines to follow. And some have better people skills than others. Let your own instincts be your guide.

It’s definitely normal but very hard work.

I only co sleep in the morning to get a lie in but i remove the pillows on her side, she sleeps in a sleep bag so there’s no loose blankets and I have the duvet on me only and I tuck it in so it’s not loose.

I am a slight sleeper too and have my arm up in a c shape so can’t roll over.

I usually wait ten minutes or so to transfer to crib, sometimes she wakes up when put down but I persevere and feed/ put back down again until she stays in there.

Good luck! It does get easier.

Wait until you can lift the arm and it drops without any resistance. I used to wait about ten minutes after I thought she was asleep

Thank you so much for the tips :)
I don't drink or take drugs and I feel that I'm very aware of him on my chest. I also only have the duvet up to my waist and then have just his baby blanket covering him. It a nice to hear that this sounds normal for a newborn :)

Great idea about the hot water bottle, I'll try this!
The health visitor was lovely, I think I'm just feeling very emotional at the moment and a bit down about the sleeping situation. Also, the mention of SIDs made me feel like I am putting him at risk so that made me feel terrible.

It's lovely to have other people sharing their experiences so thank you all :)

My DD was the same - except she would take all sleeps day and night on me! You're halfway there that baby tolerates the Moses basket. I gave in and purchased the sleepyhead and put a nightshirt that I'd worn over it and she settled in it by about week

1. If you're not breastfeeding you could try a dummy for night time and white noise really helped too. I had to wait until she was in a deep sleep on me before gently placing her in!

I gave up putting mine in and out of Moses in the end and laid him in bed next to me. Can you wait til he’s asleep/ feed him to sleep and have him on bed with you? Move pillows etc and make sure that the covers can’t be pulled over him etc. I slept like this for first three months and then he went straight into his big cot.

Mine would only go in after a hot water bottle had warmed it the cot and his favourite white noise in the background.

I slept the first 5 or 6 weeks with my newborn on my chest. It was the only way for both of us to sleep, otherwise I would have had to have him crying until exhaustion. I used to raise my arms with pillows under each arm. He would generally not move. Many babies just need to feel and be with their mum in the first few weeks. It is perfectly normal.

I am so tired of hearing people being berated for not managing to get their tiny babies in cribs. And I say this as someone being berated!
Last week my 5 week old decided he didnt like the crib. I had one night where I got 2 hes sleep because he fell asleep on me so I just sat there.
I then came to my senses. Next night DH and I stacked pillows around me and DS slept on my chest whilst I slept too. It was lovely.
Fast forward a week he is now happily back in his crib . Worst thing you could do is fall asleep accidentally. Far better to prepare for it.

I had this with both my kids and we ended up cosleeping for the first few months. It was the only way to survive. If you are bfing you will also find you get more sleep if cosleeping as you can just latch them on and go back to sleep. There are safe ways to cosleep so just do your research. Sounds like you're doing everything right. In the early days I didn't sleep with pillows just in case and like you I just had the duvet around my waist and covered the baby in a blanket. It doesn't last forever. My three year old is a good sleeper now and my seven month old...well let's just not go there! Some are good sleepers and some aren't but I don't think cosleeping will affect that x

DD1 and DD2 were/are both like this! With DD1, DP and I took shifts for a week or two before I let her sleep on me in our bed (as safely as I could). I hated it and after much research bought a Sleepyhead. It was a game changer for her. I moved her off me and into the Sleepyhead in our bed before moving her in her Sleepyhead into her cot a few days later. She was about 4/5 weeks old at the time. She continued to nap on me for ages.
DD2 much the same. She’s 2.5 weeks old. First week we did shifts again before I tried co-sleeping in our bed (no Sleepyhead, as she didn’t like it!). Again followed the guidance for safe sleeping but didn’t feel right to me and meant DP was relegated to the sofa. I then transitioned her next to me in the Sleepyhead and 2 nights ago into her bed in the Sleepyhead.
I think you need to visualise the sleep situation you want and take small steps towards it. Appreciate it may take awhile! It’s all about weighing up the risks and finding what works best for you and your child. Falling asleep and cosleeping unexpectedly, especially on a soft surface, is very dangerous. Planning to co sleep in bed safely is much better!

I just wish that HV and guidance made it clearer that a lot of babies don’t want to sleep in the safest way to start. It’s about balance!!

We had the same issue with our little boy for the first couple of weeks, I think he may also have been suffering from a bit of reflux but at first even the next to me crib seemed huge for him. We ended up getting a version of the sleepyhead that they sell in boots, it's called a purflo breathable nest and it really did the trick. Out little boy wouldn't be swaddled and in fact he didn't like any covers at all, you had to sneak them on him after he'd dropped off. The nest gave him enough room to be comfortable for a few months and a little bit of cushioning around the sides to make him feel safe. I really would recommend. I think a lot of babies are just like this in the initial few weeks, not that that helps when you are shattered and just want you and them to get some sleep 😴 If by chance it is reflux as well we put
One end of the next to crib on a higher number height than the other to offer a slight slope!