Contrasting naps - why?

[Navy123]

I have a DS 8 months whose naps are weirdly different.

His morning nap starts 9.30/10ish and goes on for about 1.5 hours - he stays asleep independently and wakes up quite happy, babbling to himself in his cot. He is cuddled or fed to sleep for this nap (not ideal, we did sleep train and it went well but shifting routine meant we accidentally ended up in the habit of feeding to sleep. Will be addressing this in a month or so once we have some decent time at home!).

His afternoon nap starts 1.30/2ish, again cuddled or fed to sleep but after about 30 minutes he wakes up screaming (and I mean seriously inconsolable can hear it down the road type screaming) and has to be cuddled for the rest of his nap, usually another hour or so. Will not let me put him down.

Any thoughts why they are so different? He wakes up for the day between 5.30 and 7 (whole other issue!!) but follows about the same routine regardless of when he wakes up, and goes down for the night at 6.30/7, one feed in the night at 4ish. Still bfing plus 3 meals a day, he eats variable amounts for each meal. TIA!

My dd did this! I asked mumsnet for advice and was told to make first nap shorter but I could never bear to wake her up.
In the end she lengthened the second nap on her own. I started to always do second nap at home. So that might’ve helped.

She also used to wake early for the day but doesn’t now! So there is hope!

I had two babies who just couldn't do independent daytime sleep until six months (had to be held/moving pram/moving car). I found that my two went to sleep more easily (and stayed asleep more easily- transitioning through sleep cycles) the more the sleep was 'needed'. So the fewer naps they had the easiest getting/keeping them asleep (independently) became. My guess would be that if he's waking up at 5.30am, by 9.30 he's knackered and desperate to sleep. But if he wakes up at 11.00 and you're putting him down again at 1.30, he's in much less need of the sleep than he was for the morning nap. Hence he's finding it harder to sleep through the sleep cycles without waking.

I'd try waking him after an hour in the morning: you'll have a longer awake time between naps, so he'll be more tired for the afternoon one and hopefully it will stretch out and not need your help to stay asleep.

What is so wrong with cuddling and feeding to sleep? Genuinely? It works and is normal

Thanks Dontfart, good to know others have the same experience! How old was your LO when they started to change to longer pm naps and later wakes?

Good point Furrygiraffe about the second nap being closer, I hadn't spotted that. Might try making it a bit later and see if that helps, then try shortening the first nap if no improvement. So useful having other people look at it from outside!

crazycatlady5 nothing wrong at all with it! And it works! But sometimes I find it all a bit overwhelming - pnd and autism - so it would be good if it works for him to settle himself, so if I'm struggling I don't have to sit for ages in a dark room feeling touched out. However, him crying definitely makes me feel worse so I'll only go down that route if he settles easily again - when we did it a couple of months ago he seemed to want to settle himself and actually went to sleep quicker without us. Will see what he's like in another month!

Longer pm naps was when she wasn’t much older than your LO.

The later wake ups much older I’m afraid - about 18 months or maybe a little earlier. But I think they gradually got later.

Although we do now have late bedtimes - she was awake till 9 last night! 🤦🏻‍♀️

Good luck with it all. I think they all sort themselves out in the end whatever we do. I try to go with the flow and not look at the clock as much as possible.