Four month old DS has never napped on his own

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He falls asleep on me feeding and I try and transfer him to his cot but as soon as he realises he is not being held, he is awake. DM is trying to convince me to do cry it out which I don't want to do, but her view is that no daytime napping is very harmful. At night he feeds to sleep but it takes a long time. He then sleeps in 3-5 hr chunks, and does self settle after (long) feeds. He sleeps 8.30pm ish til 9 am, minus 2/3 feeds of about an hr, sometimes less. However in the day he just cries and cries if put down to nap. I've never let him cry more than five minutes doing this as I don't feel its the right thing for him. I've put a blackout blind in his room thinking that it would replicate night. He's also a very velcro baby, just to give full picture. Does anyone have any suggestions please? I am aware how important daytime naps are and feel worried that he's missing them entirely.

I’ll take your 4 month old and give you twin 13 month olds

Now my eldest is in school my solution is to just sit/ lie with them whilst they take their naps. It’s more tricky when he’s home.

My daughter has only started reliably being able to be put down during naps at about 18 months. When she was under 6 months she used to just fall asleep on me with feeds, then when she started getting into more of a reliable schedule of sleeps I would take her upstairs and feed her to sleep in bed and stay with her. It was a bit annoying sometimes but actually it made sure I always rested instead of starting cleaning while she slept so I wasn't as tired and I enjoyed those baby snuggles most of the time. Sometimes she would do a pushchair or a car nap if I needed or wanted to be out and about instead of at home. She went off to nursery still having only really ever napped in my arms and napped at nursery without being held from the first day without any problems.

How heavy is your little one? Would using a sling work for you? At that age my little girl would often drop off in the sling and that meant I didn't get nap trapped.

So no answers for you really, just to say you're not the only one and even my velcro baby has finally started having lovely 3 hour naps by herself in her own room without me doing anything to make it happen really.

My baby was the same wasn’t until about 6/7 months that I actually started being able to put her down in a cot for her to nap it will come I promise. I fed to sleep too and it’s a habit that you (in my opinion) need to break I would feed her give a cuddle then put down and trust me she screamed I done the pick up put down technique so put them down let them scream for a minute or so pick up and ssshhh and pat them put back down and repeat it may take a long time but less harsh than cry it out. Feeding to sleep is a very easy option and I was so tired I done it for months but once I stopped that she was able to sleep more on her own

13 month old twins not napping , that sounds very stressful!! Maybe I should just try that, after reading sooo much stuff online I thought I shouldn't but at least they get their naps don't they

Thank you very much indeed for your replies. They are encouraging at least that I'm not somehow missing something huge to help him to nap. Justanewname I have unfortunately been told not to use a sling at the moment because of diastasis recti, he also seems very heavy! It's interesting that so far it seems that I need to go with things a bit more ie safely sleep with him in some way . Myusername you are totally right I know about the feeding to sleep. I have taken the easy option, especially tempting as my DH works away a lot and it seemed to work, but know I'm setting myself up for problems down the line! I've never tried the pick up put down thing really again apart from in the night, I could give that a go. It's encouraging to know you got a good result from it

My 4 month old is fed to sleep at bedtime and throughout the night, it's the easiest way for me to settle her. During the day she will sleep on me,my mum or in the pushchair.

I always fed dd1 to sleep and I must admit it did turn into a habit, at about 14 months it wasn't sending her to sleep any more and she was waking even more so I did controlled crying. Took two nights, I will probably do the same thing with dd2. While she's so small I'm happy for her to feed it that's what she wants x

My 4 month old doesn’t like to lie flat for naps during the day. He happily sleeps in the car but when we are at home he likes to sleep in his chair. I say chair, he’s lay down but it’s on an incline.

I fed both mine to sleep until I stopped being at 14/15mo. Ds1 was a Velcro baby but we figured out he needed vigorous winding/burping otherwise he would be uncomfortable with trapped wind and wake up. He was also a very sucky baby. With Ds2 I fed him, winded him (even if he fell asleep feeding) and gave him a dummy. He naturally rejected the dummy at 10mo.
Ds1 would not fall asleep without being held for ages. I simply couldn't do that with Ds2 because I had to look after a toddler. I think ds1 was overstimulated a lot too. Ds2 with would put down in moses or bouncy chair after a feed with a dummy and he would fall asleep watching ds1 play. Ds1 I was trying to do tummy time and sensory play all sorts of nonsense.
I loosely followed the EASY method with Ds2, which I couldn't fathom with ds1. Eat, Activity (which was winding and a 5min play), Sleep, You.

LeGrandeFluff that is very interesting what you said about your Ds2, I have often wondered how I would settle at night nevermind attempted naps if he had siblings. I think you might very well be right with over stimulated. Because he is so velcro, I carry him round the house with me and I suppose it's a vicious circle that he can't . relax. I will try a dummy again because that could calm him as you said. Hopefully now he's older he will get the hang of it.

Doghorsechicken Ds used to not be able to cope with lying flat even at night so I wonder if reverting to non flat for any potential daytime naps would throw that off kilter? Worth a try tho thank you.

Beansprout30 14 months of having a means of achieving sleep is a plus definitely. Interesting that so many do carry on feeding to sleep. Perhaps that isn't my main issue after all but more that he can't settle and drift off