6 month old gentle sleep training fail

[harrietm87]

My baby is 6 months. He’s ebf and has co-slept from birth because he’s always refused his co-sleeper cot. Since the 4 month sleep regression he’s been waking up every hour at night demanding feeds, which has been breaking me. For the last week I’ve been feeding him then putting him in the co sleeper cot awake. He’s been crying as he wants to fall asleep on the breast. I’ve been lying on the bed beside him comforting him, picking him up and cuddling him if it gets bad, singing to him etc. My DH has also tried in case it’s worse having me do it. Anyway, he does now fall asleep alone but only after 25-40 mins of crying. I just can’t bear it anymore and want to give up and just have him back in bed and with us. DH thinks we should keep going and rightly points out that it will be a gentler transition when he’s in the cosleeper cot as it’s practically in our bed anyway, and he’s nearly grown out of it. I don’t mind feeding him at night 2 or 3 times if that’s what he needs but every hour is really too much. The bloody sleep book I read said this method would work in 4-5 days but it’s day 7 now and we’ve literally seen no improvements.

We are trying a variation of this due to similar issues, with my partner now trying to put babe to sleep after an expressed bottle, just so he isn't bf last thing at night. He cries during the whole process and then falls asleep around 40 mins too. But with the constant waking during the night since 4 months - now 8 months - neither of us have the strength or energy to sit with him for 40 mins each time while he cries and I try to resist breastfeeding him back to sleep. Every solution or suggestion I've read about or people have told me seems so hard and energy intensive I don't know how we'll fix it really so just sending this message in solidarity!!

@harriet I can totally relate! My 8mo wakes frequently and I just don’t have the engery to try to fix it. So I’m just feeding to sleep and occasionally cosleeping when it’s really tough.

OP is there a reason why you don’t want to continue cosleeping? I think the path of least resistant can be pretty appealing if on the whole you are okays with the set up now, can always change it in the future when you and baby are more ready and willing.

If you are not happy now, I have often thought the cosleeper mattresses aren’t v comfy, definitely not as comfy as a bed. So could you try using a mattress topper? Could you also try to lean into the cosleeper and cuddle the little one to sleep like that?

I still feed my 20 month old to sleep. She needs it. She won’t always. She gets excited to go to bed and bedtime has always been a positive thing. What reason did you want to stop feeding to sleep? Babies really struggle to get to sleep on their own, it’s totally normal for them to want affection while they’re drifting off.

@crazycatlady because he’s waking every hour/every sleep cycle and can’t get back to sleep alone. He’s definitely not hungry. I was hoping that if he could sleep without needing to suck he might go for longer at night. He did 4 hour chunks as a newborn so not sure why he can’t go longer than 1 hr at 6 months! I’m really struggling with the sleep deprivation. I’m also not withdrawing affection when he’s falling asleep - I’ve been cuddling, kissing, rocking, practically lying in the co-sleeper with him. It’s not like I’ve been leaving him alone to cry, and nor would I, but something needs to change. If you have any tips they’d be very welcome!

@stinkysaurus lots of reasons why I’d like to stop co-sleeping - I think the proximity to me/my boobs and also the general disturbance means he wakes up more than he would do if he was in his own cot. I don’t plan on moving him to his own room for ages but once he’s too big for the co-sleeper cot I’d like to be able to put him in a normal cot. I also don’t know how co-sleeping works when you’re not in bed with the baby- I need to be able to put him down at 7 and do some work in the evenings. He’s never so much as been in a room on his own yet but I can’t keep going to bed with him at 7pm!

I think you’re right about the mattress not being comfy but was worried about the sids guidance...will maybe have a look and see what’s out there. I do lean into the cot and cuddle him there. That’s partly why I want to transition him now when I can still do that as it won’t be possible once he’s too big for the cosleeper.

Hes still quite young, imo, for sleep training. The waking won't last forever. Will he take a dummy? I didn't use one with my first but it's been a life saver with my second. Really helpful.

Hes waking every hour for a feed atm? Personally, I would just feed him. But then I'm all for the path of least resistance. If you don't want to feed him every time I would say you need to replace that comfort with something else. If he doesn't have a dummy, maybe sit up, pick him up and cuddle/rock. You can gradually reduce your input and as he gets older he may need less comfort from you, and may take it from a cuddly, or similar.

Any chance he’s teething? I had a very similar first born and just went with it until he was older. I don’t feel it made transitioning to cot/own room/big bed any harder than it would otherwise have been with his personality. If it hasn’t worked by now I’d say it’s a strong signal it’s not the right time. You can ‘train’ but it won’t be as gentle as you want and it’s likeky to need to be repeated at the next sleep regression/bout of illness/other change. A normal cot can be turned into a co sleeper quite easily also...

Ps you do have my sympathy though. My second child sleeps like a dream and always has done which has made me realise how tough it really was first time round. Also that it really is a lot to do with the child, there’s only so much you can do to ‘train’ them

Have you tried the bigger cot? Mine is four months, coslept from he start. She refused next2me crib - like you, had to practically lie in it with her but then she would only sleep for short time.
I tried cot a couple of weeks ago and even though I have to hang my self over the edge into the cot to embrace her while she falls asleep she does sleep (for a bit!) eventually. I think she likes the fact that it's roomier, like my bed was when we cosleep (maybe found crib too enclosed? I don't know). Currently working on making more of her sleep in the cot as I do resort to feeding to sleep in my own bed when it's middle of the night.
Keep us posted.