Getting 3 year old to go to bed on his own

[Sennensurferkid]

Has anyone got any tips for getting my 3 year old ds to go to be on his own?

I've fallen into the trap of sitting with him until he falls asleep, have been doing it since he was about 18 months. This was because he was just such a bad sleeper.

He's so strong willed he doesn't give in easily, I also don't want to be cruel given that he's used to this way.

How can I persuade him to go to bed alone?

I will be looking at this thread for tips too, this is what we do for our DD. She wakes up 3/4 times and tries to get into our bed. Sometimes we are both so tired she manages to sneak in without waking us up! X

Is he in a toddler bed? Put it in your room!

My DD gets in my actual bed, & probably always will, so dont listen to me!

Move an inch further away from the bed each week until you are out the door then up the landing. Then tell him you will keep checking in whilst you potter around doing stuff upstairs.

Very slowly - gradual retreat!

Omg I do the same! I've spoilt him that way and now he sneaks into my bed at night! I'm used to it now, also being a single parent, it's nice to get cuddles from your kids.

But I want to change that. Find some strategy to get them to stay in bed all night. I'm single atm, and would like to change DS habits by the time I meet someone.

I'll be following this post for tips!

I read about a technique where you sit on a chair besides the bed on the first night and every night move the chair towards the door a couple of inches. Once at the door, the next night explain your sitting outside the door. Chances are he will get up to check, so make sure your there. After a few nights his insecurity should have settled. That's the theory anyway 😂

I'm watching this thread with interest because I never managed it (mine's 38 now) :-).

He gets in our bed most nights in the early hours, he doesn't even wake us he just sneaks in.

Thanks for the advice but NO WAY am I putting his toddler bed back in our room, it took me until he was 2.5 to get him out of our room and at least starting off in his own room in his own bed!!

Gradual retreat is my suggestion

Does he have some really goid sleep associations like bath, books and bed? Maybe a favourite teddy and some gentle music and a light show?

I guess gradual retreat is probably the most logical way.

It's hard to imagine him accepting me even sitting by the door.

My plan is that once he's got used to being in his room alone, he might not feel the need to sneak in to my bed.

I used to play a bedtime story (CD) and pop in and out of my DD's room 'I'm just pooping to the loo' followed my returning immediately, I'm just putting some washing away in my room', lots of very nearby reassuring activity with lots of returning to their room gave her much more confidence that I would also be around.
I know it's not easy though I also did about 8 mths of laying on the floor by her cot when she was younger.
She's 15 now and can't bear me anywhere near her room and sleeps for England!

I found that achievable sticker charts with his choice of 'amazing' prize really worked (at that age it was a trip to the park & he could have one go on everything or a go on the bouncy castle or any number of things that would probably have happened anyway! Also small toys that they have fallen in love with in a shop but couldn't have at the time, or things they want to collect, cheap cuddly toy, random Poundland crap etc).

A big sparkly chart we made together worked best - held with magnets on the fridge at their height, the 'stickers' can be actual stickers or stars drawn with a felt tip. Maybe start with 3 nights gets you a complete sticker chart and a prize, then 5 nights to get the next prize etc etc. Don't mix it up with other achievements/goals - make it simply 'going to sleep without Mummy sticker chart'. Keep the rest of the bedtime routine the same, read with him then say, "I'm leaving you to go to sleep all by yourself like we talked about, and if you manage to do it all by yourself you'll get a sticker" and then go out and potter about in earshot. Expect relapses if they are ill etc.

The most important thing for me was getting him engaged in it and almost subliminal encouragement, saying 'now you are a big boy you'll be able to do this' etc, much the same as whatever worked for nappy training, they all click with different things! I did try gradual retreat a bit younger (up to about 18 months) but that didn't work for us and at 3 years old he'd probably just ask you what on earth you are doing sitting over there! Good luck

My youngest used to take up to 4 hours of having to have my arm to lie in and my ear to stroke to fall asleep, after I stopped breastfeeding. Ironically I night weaned intending to break the feed to sleep association and it just made things worse. He'd wake hourly too... Gradual retreat didn't work as he wouldn't stay lying down, nor once he was in a bed would he stay in bed. We put him in a toddler bed early as he was a climber and started climbing out of the cot, wearing a grobag, at 18 months so he seemed safer in a bed (not as far to fall as from the cot side...)

Long story short in the end at nearly 3 I told him that he was big enough to go to sleep on his own and mummy would break if she couldn't sleep more. I also put a cd player in his room and showed him how to use it, and told him he could listen to stories if he couldn't sleep.

It was emotional blackmail to a degree, but it was also true and worked like flipping a switch, after years of fairly extreme sleep deprivation and lost evenings and a body which felt 90 years old and jyst ached all the time, things went back to normal.

He put the cd on again and again at first and I'd hear him in the night. Occasionally his sister would wake in the morning to find him in her bottom bunk. But gradually he started going to sleep before the cd finished - it took about 2 years until he was falling asleep within about 30 minutes and I wasn't hearing the cd go on in the night, though he still has phases of claiming that he doesn't sleep at all, ever... He's nearly 8...