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Original poster

Helping 2 year old fall asleep alone

13 replies

GruffaloStick · 30/09/2018 20:30

DD has recently turned 2. She was a terrible sleeper from birth then at 14m practically overnight started to sleep through. (I'm still thanking my lucky stars daily for that)

We have previously always cuddled her to sleep, rod for own back i know then about 6 weeks ago I left the room as she was still awake way after bedtime and was amazed that she didn't cry or get upset but happily chatted to herself and fell asleep 30 mins later.

We decided to run with it and now put her in the cot after 10 mins or so cuddles, bedtime usually 730. She generally chatters and sings away but it normally takes 1+ hours for her to sleep. I've tried timed returns and rubbing her back but none of it helps. If she gets upset or shouts for us we go straight up but it's very rare, she has also started pooing during this time which I change as soon as I know about. The only time she falls asleep quickly is if she's not napped but she definitely still needs a nap. I feel awful that she's taking so long to fall asleep on her own and I worry she isn't getting enough as she wakes as 6am

Sorry for such a long post, does anyone have any suggestions?

OP posts:
keepitgoing · 30/09/2018 20:53

Hi, often in same position. Just turned 2. Sang or patted to sleep until it was annoying me too much. Has phases of going to sleep ok and usually alright if exhausted, but often chatters for ages. I think if not crying then they will just get better at going to sleep themselves, so I am sticking with it, but I know what you mean as he never wakes later. Sometimes I relent and go in and sing to him for a bit if we are going out! and it's awful if we are away. But on the whole I was resenting him messing around and taking longer and longer, so I don't have much choice

MamasGarden · 30/09/2018 21:01

What time does she wake up in the morning and what time does she nap and for how long?

Try reducing nap time if it's over an hour. My twins sleep around 12-1 PM for 45 minutes to an hour before I wake them up for something to eat (they're 3). That worked fine for us. Then they go to sleep at around 7:30 PM.

Does she get a lot of running about in the day? Lots of released energy? Take her to the park when you're free and let her run about and have fun. Even in the garden. We have a trampoline for my older children they occasionally go on and they're usually knackered out by nighttime.

Also white noise could work. When my son was younger we had to put cameras in his room and they made a background noise and he fell asleep a lot easier (it wasn't even the intention but it worked miracle). I think you can get white noise machines for babies now.

I also heard about when they're babies if they sleep in total silence that's what they need to sleep without being disturbed but if they slept with background noise of walking about, doors closing ect. then they'd sleep easier.

keepitgoing · 30/09/2018 21:07

I think it's more that they have to learn how to relax and go to sleep on their own, rather than not being tired, at least it is with mine. He wakes usually 0630, (can be earlier or later though..) naps 2 hours (I usually wake him), bed 7/7.30 and sometimes asleep immediately, sometimes takes ages. In fact if he's not slept 2hrs he can often be upset at bedtime so he does need a good long nap still.

Original poster
GruffaloStick · 01/10/2018 07:51

Thanks, good to get some other perspectives. I was hoping it would improve over time but after 6 weeks or so she's still taking up to 1.5 hours. Although she shows no signs of being upset which is a huge improvement, before this she would get very upset if I left.

Pooing during this time is a new thing, don't think there's anything I can do about that though.

She wakes at 6/630. Naps midday for 1-2 hours, did try confining to 1 hour but made no difference and she seems shattered in the afternoon if I wake her. DH thinks we should cut naps but I don't, it feels cruel to keep her awake.

We go out every day, to the park or just a walk into town plus 3 toddler groups a week plus soft play. She does often want to go into the pram after 10 mins of walking though. Good point about white noise but I'm reluctant to introduce another sleeping crutch if you know what I mean.

OP posts:
welshweasel · 01/10/2018 07:55

Mine did this - I started putting to bed earlier as seemed to take an hour at least to fall asleep irrespective of bedtime. Eventually decided to stop the nap (aged 2.5) as was getting ridiculous - he now asks to go to bed around 6.45 and is asleep in seconds.

Joinourclub · 01/10/2018 08:35

I think if she isn’t distressed during this time, then just roll with it. The need to poo is probably keeping her awake. You could try sitting her on the potty before bedtime.

Original poster
GruffaloStick · 01/10/2018 08:54

She stays awake even if she doesn't need to poo but she doesn't tell me when shes been (speech is good for her age so she's able to) so I only discover it when I check her before I go to bed.

Oh I hope we don't need to cut nap just yet, DH would be right Blush plus that nap keeps me sane.

OP posts:
Haireverywhere · 01/10/2018 08:59

I'd try cutting the nap from two to one and a half or a bit less and see if that helps. But I wouldn't be too worried as she's not distressed and is still sleeping most of the night.

elmo1980 · 01/10/2018 09:00

My 20 month old has always self settled but takes him ages to get to sleep no matter how tired he is, what length of naps hes had during the day or how much exercise hes had.

I worry about it constantly but everyone just says as long as hes not upset (which he isn't, he will happily chat away to himself for an hour or so) then to leave it.

We have tried putting him to bed later but he stands at the bottom of the stairs shouting to go up to bed! I think he just likes time to himself to wind down after busy days, at least I hope that's the case.

keepitgoing · 01/10/2018 13:35

Really interesting, thanks everyone! Maybe some kids are just like that
I find it hard to relax until he's asleep so find it a bit stressful when he takes ages, but no way am cutting the nap, he'd be just awful!!

cholka · 01/10/2018 13:42

Do you have a set routine before bed? I know you say ten mins of cuddles - we do bath, pyjamas, one story on the chair with a snuggle then into the cot and lights out.
Maybe having more structure to your pre-bed routine might help to set up more triggers for her? Like a Pavlovian response thing. A long cuddle and then into bed might not be tripping the switches the same as a series of actions would...

Original poster
GruffaloStick · 01/10/2018 16:34

You're right, she's showing no signs of being upset so perhaps I should give it a bit longer before changing anything. Interesting that other toddlers take a while to wind down, DH thinks this is all it is too, but like pp I find it stressful waiting for her to sleep. I feel a bit guilty that she's flailing around alone in her cot for so long, even if she's doing so happily.

Cholla yes, pretty much same routine as you and have done since she was tiny. We have a Ewan the sheep too which I doubt makes any difference whatsoever but she's used to it now

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Original poster
GruffaloStick · 01/10/2018 16:35

Cholka*, sorry

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