Baby messing around at bedtime

[Meepmoop]

Hi,

I'm looking for some help please, my DS always fed to sleep and then by rocking and shhhing.

I've now been able to get him in his cot with my hand just in there, however he just messes about rolling around and babbling. He went to bed yawning and rubbing his eyes but it's now been an hour and half of nonsense.

What can I do to stop this? should I change my method and do controlled crying instead?

Thank you

He's 14months

Just going to bump this as I've had a repeat of last night

Have you tried leaving him and see what he does? Not controlled crying, but just maybe say night night and go to the next room and potter around quietly. See what happens. If he gets upset you can go straight back in and comfort him of course, and then try again.

My LO chatters, sings and rolls around when we first put her down in her cot but we now leave her, listen on the monitor and check once she's gone quiet. Sometimes takes 40 minutes but she's not upset at all and leaving her to it has lengthened my evenings slightly.

I've tried leaving him to it, he stands up and gets really upset so I go in say goodnight it's bedtime and lie him down. He just goes back to messing about again. I repeated this a couple times but gave up as he didn't stop getting upset or stop messing about when I was in there

Can you post his routine through the day so we can see what else is happening? Perhaps he's getting to many naps? Is he eating enough or too little. Also what's the light like in his room? What noises can he hear? Does he have anything that sings him to sleep etc? Does he have a bath to calm him?

You could try gradual retreat, if you haven't already?

He usually wakes at 7, has breakfast then naps about 3 hours after wake up. He has a bottle of cows milk before his nap and then he will sleep for about 1.5 hours/2 hours. Sometimes longer but I tend to wake
him up after 2.

He then has lunch, afternoon snack. He will have an afternoon nap for 30mins about 3 1/2 hours after he wakes from his nap. If he doesn't have this nap he will wake for about 2
hours at night.

Bedtime is about 7.30 he has a bath every other night. Bottle in the dark with a musical owl and stars projector on. Other than the projector it's dark as he has blackout blinds and curtains and the door is shut.

There's always food left over from his meals I give him so I would say he's eating enough and he has 14oz of cows milk in a day.

How would I start retreating, if I move my hand he cries. Should I do that anyway and see if he settles himself. I don't mind crying

Thank you

Is he walking yet? I remember going through something similar when DD was not quite mobile. She was tired of being awake, but not physically tired enough to go to sleep. We used to get her to crawl up the stairs to bed and it was just enough to tire her out properly.

he's been walking for a couple of months now, doesn't talk yet though

Thanks for the routine post. I'm wondering if his nap times could shift slowly and shorten. So you say he has a 2 hour nap from 10am to 1pm then another later. Perhaps shift his morning one in increments til its closer to 11 or 12 then cut the afternoon one? I really think he's just not that tired come bed time. Mine were awful if they even got a 20 min power nap within 3 hours of proper bedtime. Had to be quite strict about not letting them fall asleep in the car at 5pm on the way back from somewhere (lots of loud singing).

As for crying I like the gentle controlled crying. I think it's called the put down method. Im a few years away from it now but from memory you put them to bed and then when they cry you go in. Don't speak. Lay them down. Shhh and pat and walk out. Let them cry for 5 mins and repeat. Then 7 mins. Then 10 etc. First night will be horrible but they get better. The idea is they know you're there but they also know you mean it about it being sleep time now.

Just do CC. Leave for 5 mins, then come back to lay him down an verbally reassure. Repeat.

It will take 2-3 evenings of 20-30 mins and your child will be totally sleep trained. I don't get all the dithering on MN. You can do what you're doing every night til the coes come home. It's a waste of time and needlessly indulgent.

Gradual retreat takes months to work. FGS just put your big girl pants on and sleep train.

@TipseyTorvey that is ordinary controlled crying that you've described.

For gradual retreat, you would just start very small and gradually move your hand away in stages until you don't need to do that. Then work on physically moving away etc. It will clearly take longer than controlled crying, it is gradual after all. Some people just don't want to do controlled crying, which is fine. It's not the only thing to try by a long way, it isn't compulsory and hasn't been shown to be any more or less effective than anything else. Wanting to discuss sleeping isn't dithering, indulgent or wasting time - that's a really unhelpful and unsupportive thing to say.

Thank you for your replies,

I've tried cutting down his nap times but has still taken an hour for him to go to sleep however there's less faffing. He seems to try his best to go to sleep but just can't manage it.

If I leave him he will just stand at his cot. When he stands up now he'll lie down if I tap the mattress and say bed

My ideas, I’m no expert obvs

Make his bedtime 30 mins to an hour later ( you can always make it earlier once he starts to sleep), then hopefully he’s more tired.

Let him play... and then let him cry for a bit- a few mins.

Then do controlled crying.

Go back as much as you feel you need to or go back when you feel his crying is too incessant.

Sounds like he needs more help to wind down. Reading/rocking/singing/longer in the bath/massage.

Definitely try one longer nap after lunch. 10am seems far too early for a nap. At 12 months my LO dropped to one nap, around 12-2/2.30 and this meant he was so ready for bed at 7pm and would sleep until 730-8am.