Really struggling with 8 month old sleep

[thingybobwotsit]

Little one has never been a good sleeper. At best we've had short periods where we've had only two (fairly long-ish) wake ups a night and an early start. That was very manageable.

Last night might have been the worst night we've had. After bed at 7, he was up at 9.30, 12, 12.20, 1.40-2.15, 3.40-4.35, and 5.40 - I've just put him back in his cot now but not convinced it will stick. My husband is away at the moment so it's just me, and he wanted a feed at every single wake up, although wasn't feeding properly.

He's in a cot in his own room, in a nice warm sleeping bag. I can't co-sleep as he just thinks it's an invite to an all night party if I bring him into my room and tries to crawl off the bed in every possible direction. He isn't fed to sleep any more at any other point, we stopped that a few months ago. He's eating well, and having around 4 milk feeds through the day - if I offer more he'll take it for a few seconds and then just start messing about. He naps twice a day, for an hour and a half.

I know there's an 8 month regression. But is there ever a progression?! I feel sick from broken sleep. I don't know how I'm going to get through today and am already dreading tonight. I don't even know what I want from this post other than to say how shit it really is and how hard I'm finding it, rather than plastering a fake smile on and saying 'it's not so bad' every time someone asks 'have you got him sleeping through the night yet?!' or says 'oh well, some babies just don't sleep'

We did "sleep training" at about 8 months....how do you feel about that?

How did you sleep train @99RedBalloonsFloating?

There is a sleep regression at around 8-10 months. My usually good sleeper turned into an absolute nightmare. She would just wail for hours on end, utterly exhausted but refusing to sleep. It does pass. I know it doesn't feel like it right now but it does. There is so much going on in their little brains. If you haven't already got it the wonder weeks app is really good. It explains a lot.

I really wouldn't attempt any kind of 'sleep training' during this stage. This is normal and natural and as bone tired as you'll be, you just need to ride it out. I also appreciate that this probably isn't what you want or need to hear right now.

Hi! I think our solution was slightly unusual but it has worked for us.

We did it at the same time as night weaning which basically meant her dad went to her in the night when she woke up and settled her back to sleep.

It also coincided more or less with her going into a cot in her own room. Formerly we had been bed sharing but that just stopped working for reasons similar to what you have said, it actually kept her awake.

Although supposedly they don't "need" night feeds at that age, her dad offered her a bottle which at first she rejected but then started to take. Sometimes she would wake up and cry or moan a bit we would give her a couple of minutes and often she would then just fall back asleep. We started then to put the bottle in the cot and he had to show her a few times that it was there until she started taking it herself.

What we do now, is we put her to bed with a bottle, and replenish that when we go to bed (she will be asleep). She does wake in the night or early morning and drink the bottle but she doesn't wake us up. She may not "need" it but it definitely comforts her. She's intolerant to dairy so it's actually Oatley Barista, so no probs with it going off etc.

We had a phase recently when she was waking at about 4am because her nappy was completely full. We found the night-time huggies nappies keep her dry all night so that doesn't happen any more.

There have been blips of course, like sleep regressions, teething, etc, and of course in situations like that where she's really distressed and needs cuddles we just do that, it's not rigid at all, but generally we all get just about enough sleep. She is 13 months now.

Other friends of mine have actually paid a professional "sleep trainer" to tell them what to do to get over the hump, which is good if you are sleep deprived and massively questioning your own judgement. You can choose someone who has a method that fits with your feelings.

My personal feeling is that a lot of our generation have almost a taboo about the idea of babies crying at all, as though there's no spectrum between crying for a few minutes and being completely neglected and then developing major attachment issues.

My two pence worth: the emotional difficulties at around this age on both sides are that the separation between baby and carer is having to be negotiated and part of that is about gently introducing baby to reality, part of which is not having needs met instantly, forever.

Parents' needs, eg for sleep, at this stage can start to play a small part I think. An eight month old is not the same as a three month old in this respect. How this is done and in what way is a personal thing between each individual baby and their carer/s.

I hope that's helpful x

Forgot to add: I do think we have been blessed with a baby who sleeps relatively easily so please don't take this as me thinking it's the solution for anyone but ourselves.

Maybe your baby just does find it hard to sleep, if that's the case, I think what I said at the end still stands in the sense of how can you meet your own needs even in the short term?

When we were going through all the night weaning stuff for a couple of nights she slept with her dad in the travel cot in the camper, around the corner from where I was sleeping, just so I could get some uninterrupted sleep as I was losing my mind completely. By the end of the second night I missed her so much I didn't want to do that again for ages.

OP no advice but I'm in the same boat. Baby just turned 8 months and have spent last few nights getting up every 1-2 hours.
It's 4am and he's just gone to sleep on me.. Finally. I daren't put him in his cot as he has been waking up every time I do.

So I will have to sit here literally not sleeping all night. Dh is working tomorrow which means staying out of town overnight so I probably won't sleep then either. I got about 3 hours last night.

I have a 3 yr old to look after too and am alredy feelingb sick.

I know about the sleep regression - is there ever a PROgression?! His sleep has always been poor, I feel like there will never be a 'good' time to try and help him to sleep better and we're getting to the stage where we all need more sleep.

Thank you for all the info @99RedBalloonsFloating, will have a think about some of the things you've mentioned you tried. We're on wake up number one of the night here and my husband is in with him trying to settle him. There's been some crying but it sounds like it's in a 'I'm tired and want to sleep' way rather than real distress. Normally he doesn't react well to daddy going to him in the night.

I feel for you @nosleepnosense, I hope you have a better night tonight! Can't imagine running around after another one on this amount of sleep... beginning to suspect DS may be a lone child!

Night before last wasn't too bad but last night was a bit of a disaster... woke up for the first time at 11.50, my husband went to settle him... but he was just AWAKE. Wide awake, staring around the room, patting him on the face, not even showing any signs of going to sleep.

He put him back in his cot after about 40 mins, and within 10 mins DS was crying, so I went in and fed him and spent another 40 mins trying to get him back to sleep. In the end I just put him back in his cot calm but awake with his dummy and comforter. Went back to bed and dozed, DS was still awake half an hour later (2am by this point) tapping the cot bars.

And then this morning he has woken up at 5am! I've spent half an hour trying to settle him but he's not having it. Put him back into cot when he was calm and within 2 mins he was up bouncing around at the cot bar. He must have only had around 7/7.5 hours sleep overnight.

What on earth do we do?!

No advice - but just passing on my sympathy... Mine are 8 and 6 now and sleep fine, but your post takes me back to the utter desperation I felt when mine were that age and just would not sleep. It was horrendous. It will get better, hang on in there, and don't blame yourself - and just keep reminding yourself - you will get out the other side

As he would only sleep on me/dh in a chair I have decided to start co-sleeping. Never did it with either dc before (not successfully anyway) but it's worked ok. The first night I lay down cuddling him then gradually moved him off me into middle of the bed (dh has gone to spare room and getting a decent sleep) as baby seems to sleep ok on his front and I can cuddle him or easily feed if he stirs. Not ideal but finally getting some (probably low-quality) sleep... Just hope it's temporary!

That may not work for you op though if he won't even sleep... Have you got anywhere you can wheel him around in a pushchair? Not so fun doing it outside now it's getting colder though

Hi
Whereabouts is your baby developmentally? Mine was a nightmare when learning to crawl. In fact mine was a nightmare and seemed to suffer every regression, although I wondered if these were regressions as like you I felt there was no progression. Suddenly, baby started sleeoing through once he learnt to crawl, I think he is feeling much more tired now that he is on the move.

However, whilst I am finally enjoying not being sleep deprived, I am also waiting for the next regression to strike,

Also, have you tried not going to him every time. If he just winges, rather than cries or if he's playing in his cot etc- just leave be.

Hi all

Thanks for the replies and advice.

He started crawling at 6 months... currently cruising and just starting to let go and stand for a few seconds. He does sleep a little better on the days he gets lots of opportunities for crawling and climbing, but it's not always practical... sometimes I need to take him out in the pram or car for a few hours!

We used to co-sleep when he was small. I did actually try a few weeks ago but he just thought it was playtime and kept trying to crawl off the bed in all directions

The trouble seems to be that if we don't go to him, he just wakes up properly and ends up standing in the cot shouting. I've no idea how long that would go on for as I've always gone to him at that stage with the view that it'll mean we'll all get a bit more sleep if I can settle him. Should I try it?!

I'm awake with our 8 month old now for the same reason. He's got much too active to co- sleep safely and the cot isn't working for various reasons. After a week of waking every two hours he seems to only want to sleep with me standing up. The thing is, he has always been a good sleeper- my eldest wasn't and at 3 is better but still doesn't sleep though every night. She started to sleep half the night at about 18 months. I'd like to say it gets easier but some times it's just horrible. Embrace the naps.

Sounds like he’s enjoying practising standing in his cot. As long as he’s safe I would leave him to shout and stand- see what happens.

My baby sometimes plays around in cot for half hour or so before he goes to sleep. Sometimes ends up with a small cry of up to two mins after playing and then he’s asleep or sometimes he’s straight asleep from playing.

I also ignore any small whimpers etc- he sometimes wakes in night, does a little cry- kicks his cot and then back to sleep

Hmmm. I've been leaving him five mins before going to him last couple of nights, to see what he does. There have been a couple of occasions when he's moaned for a minute or two and then rolled over and gone back to sleep. But there have also been occasions where within ten minutes it's turned into crying and by the time I get to him he's wide awake and it's taken me an hour or so to get him back down! So mixed bag, but I think we'll carry on like this for a while in the hope that the moaning and just going back to sleep increases!

How's it going @thingybobwotsit?

Thanks for checking in @rubyroot

I'm trying not to go to him as quickly. There have been times when he has settled himself back but generally if he gets as far as sitting up then there's no hope. We've had a few good nights with 5 or 6 hours as a first stretch and then one more feed before getting up around 6.30... but also had a couple of terrible nights with 5-odd wake ups! Not much consistency

The last few nights have been really bad. Last night he was up at 10.30, went back down after a quick feed, and then was up from about 12.55 to 3.30. Crying for a lot of it but not from pain (did try neurofen just in case). Fed him 4 times in that period as it's the only thing that calms him down and eventually got him to sleep. He then slept til 5.10, quick feed, and back down til 6.35 when he got up for the day.

I'm exhausted. He's grumpy all day. I don't know how much longer we can keep this up. I'd love to stop breastfeeding, I've got bad nipple damage on one side, he bites occasionally and I'm finding it all just a bit too much to deal with after nearly 9 months of this... but I don't see how I can ever stop when the nights are like this and feeding him is the only thing that even remotely works!

@thingybobwotsit
Sorry to hear this... babies are weird; sometimes there’s no explanation for their sleep habits. There is supposed to be a nine month regression though.

With regards to breastfeeding, I gave up (I do miss it) at 8 months, baby not remotely interested in my boobs anymore- he’s 9 1/2 months.

But it was a gradual wean as I went back to work at 5 months so he was on my expressed milk all day and then I would feed him in the afternoon and evening. Fed him to sleep until 8 months.

Does your baby have a comforter of some sort?

I think eventually they learn to get themselves back to sleep- I think it’s just one of those things they learn at different stages.

I used controlled crying for naps when baby was 5/6 months and fed to sleep for night time until 8 months.

Baby was a crappy sleeper up until 8 months, now I hear him rustling and trying to get back to sleep. He boots his cot a lot- apparently self settling behaviour and after a few mins generally gets himself back to sleep. He still has the odd night where I go in to settle.

If he had not done this on his own I was going to night wean him by giving him a bottle and gradually reducing the milk each night. I am so lucky I didn’t have to do this as I imagine it would have been two weeks of hell. There’s been threads about this and I also know someone who it worked for. Perhaps you could look up strategies on the net.

I do know what it’s like, I had 8 months of sleep deprivation and I feel so lucky that my baby has finally learnt to sleep. However, I realise that at any point this could go tits up as babies being babies are weird unpredictable creatures.

I feel for you and hope for an end to your sleep deprivation soon x

Oh I forgot to say. I fed him to sleep from 8 months, but from 7 he was on a bottle and finished off on my boob, eventually he stopped wanting my boob as pudding!

I can't offer any advice, just sympathy as my 10 month wakes every 2 hours.
I can't leave her to shout as she will wake her brothers who then won't go back to sleep.
It's exhausting and I am going back to work in a couple of months so it's going to be worse then.

Thanks for sharing your experience @rubyroot! So did your baby drop the night feeds on their own really?

I'm on the second wake up of the night, he's been fed but is awake and screaming (not just crying, SCREAMING). I've handed him over to his dad as I can't cope with it. If we put him back into his cot it just gets even worse.

He builds up to crying very quickly from waking.

He does have a comforter, which he has only at sleep times. When given it he snuggles into it and holds it until he goes to sleep, but soon loses it in his cot as he rolls around a lot while sleeping. When given it back at nighttime it doesn't make any difference to him.

He does take a bottle - his last feed before bed every night is a bottle. But he doesn't take the same comfort from it and it doesn't settle him as reliably as breastfeeding (although that doesn't work every time). Plus the thought of dealing with bottles every 2 hours isn't great either!

@scrivette you have my total sympathy! Hope tonight isn't going too badly for you. It's horrible knowing you're going to be up so much when all you both need is a decent stretch of sleep

Yes he did seem to do it on his own, all of a sudden out of nowhere! Exactly the same week I had decided that I would try to night wean! It might be worth looking it up at different strategies on how to do it. I know it has worked for some people. But it is hard...
your baby is screaming in anger- I want my boob and want to sleep. I think that’s what my baby did.