When you did nothing at all

[Catheroooo]

Hit me with your experience of not doing any form of sleep training etc on your bad sleeper. Back to work this week and I truly want to just ride this out and let her find her way, but we're on 4 wake ups a night at the moment and I'm a bit tired but desperate to just love her to sleep!

My DH is upstairs comforting her at the moment rather than the boob....

How long did it take for your bad sleeper to sleep?

Bit of background... She doesn't sleep in pram or carseat for more than 45 minutes. I know she can go longer as sleeps in cot for 1-2 hours. I used to co sleep but she started waking hourly so we put her in her cot with CC and it will haunt me forever so I can't do it or anything like it again. She's also a very light sleeper and I am convinced it's because she doesn't feel settled enough to sleep alone. She used to sleep on us and we could have the tv on etc without her waking but now I can't talk outside her room without her waking, and set not go in her room once asleep. I've tried to regress back to cosleeping etc but she thinks it's playtime. So ride it out I will as i want her to feel loved and secure and feel the best way is to co fort her on every wakeup but its so hard now with a job too but I just want to know when this might end from you seasoned mummies! Thank you.

How old is she OP? My boy is nearly two and was VERY erratic with sleep. I also couldn't do CC. In the end what worked and gave us consistency was my husband taking over night times. Had to commit to doing it but it changed things for us within two weeks, within a month he was sleeping through and has been since...

Well, he first slept through at 2.4 years, but that only happened twice and then he went back to waking up again once or twice a night for a few months. He's now just turned 3 and usually sleeps for about 9 hours straight. I can sometimes get him back to sleep again for an hour or so. Still not great, but much better than he was.

How old is she?

My first was not a brilliant sleeper. We co slept until he was ready to go into his own cot. Wake ups are much easier if you don't need to get up :) eventually, he just didn't really need us. At about 12 months he'd settle in his cot initially and then come into us from 1ish when he woke up. Then by 18 months he was generally only in with us from 4/5am.

We did sleep train a bit to help him feel safe and happy in his cot, but no crying involved. We just very very gradually moved him further away from us whilst still comforting him. Within a few weeks he could settle himself if we were next to him just patting him or holding his hand.

Thank you. She's 9 months.

@octoberbundle that's the way I think we're headed. She's settled for him now. Usually I would have gone up with boob. So it seems she isn't hungry at each wakeup. I've never had confidence in bf, She's always been a little and often day time snacker so I always offered boob at night to ensure she fed. She's also a little poppit not a chunky monkey again making me feel not confident they weren't hunger wake ups, but she has always followed her line. She does feed overnight but we have had a magical night a few weeks ago where she slept until 12.30am then again til 4am and woke at 7. So I know she can do long stints. I still feel mean not giving her boob but I just can't carry on as we are but I can't let her cry especially on her own in her cot. So DH is doing wake ups and I will feed if she wakes around midnight and 4 and he will comfort the rest. He's got 4 weeks off work to look after her and they've had 2 good days where she has taken a bottle and gone down for a nap for him so I know she loves her daddy and feel comfortable she feels comforted by him. But equally I worry she's waking a bit more at the moment because she's missed me in the day. I make sure I spend the time I am home after work and before her bed completely with her. I am only working 3 days a week so still get a good chunk with her. I just don't want to rock her world anymore than necessary. In 4 weeks she goes to nursery instead of daddy day care so conscious she needs lots of love and support from us. I can't go in with the big guns!

But yes, erratic sleeper too. No 2 nights are the same and wake up for the day can be anytime between 6.30-8.30!!!

I’ve never done any sleep training. Most I will do with DS is let him have a 5 minute winge when he first goes down. Personally it’s not for me and I believe they wake for a reason, and sleep is developmental.

DS was a nightmare when born. Very colicy and had issues with CMPA. We co slept a lot, hourly wake ups were very common. Wouldn’t settle for anyone else. Needed boob at every wake.

He started sleeping better st 7 months- sometimes would do 9 hours then feed and back down till morning, however this was mixed in with mutltiple wakes, getting up and being awake for hours in the night or not settling at all.

At 11 months he just randomly slept 7-6.30 and I couldn’t believe it. The night before he’d been up 3 times.

DS was later to the solids game. We did BLWing and he only started really eating at 10 months I’d say. It was only then that he started to drop his night time breastfeed, it became shorter and shorter.

Looking back I always said DS was a nightmare sleeper, however I think what was actually wrong was my expectations. He was actually pretty standard for a newborn and well within the realms of normal. Of course my only comparison at the time was everyone else around memes babies had slept through very early

Have you tried white noise? We used white noise on my iPad. Same track on repeat, all night long, loud. Same for naps in the cot. This along with blackout blinds. DS also is a short car/pram napper. Used to be 30 mins however now it can be an hour at times, care is more reliable. At 16 months it isn’t such an issue as he needs less sleep.

Thanks @fortheloveofjames we had used white noise for the past few months but for some reason stopped the last few days. It's not really made much difference.

Yes you're so right about expectations. I'm suffering with quite bad anxiety (being treated), but it leaves me feeling like I'm missing something badly wrong and ignoring the fact it's prob her just being a baby. I can't shake the feeling I'm missing something though. She's started being sick in the car too so that leaves me feeling anxious.

She's the same with weaning, pretty slow. She had a tongue tie divided at 3 months but a lactation consultant told me after it was still there although not as bad. Because DD was putting on weight we thought no more if it but I can't help wondering if this is the cause of things. However she breast feeds very well at night and she's a very alert baby so I'm trying to tell myself that's the reason not tt! She's only got 2 teeth and has just started to use them to bite chunks of food off but tends to then spit it out as hasn't worked out what chewing is. My friends all have babies that seemingly wolf down 3 meals a day. Again it's hard not to compare.

She randomly slept 10 hours on 2 consecutive nights 3 weeks ago but think it due to her having an awful cold and feeling exhausted. Since then it's been erratic frequent wake ups. Last night I fed her twice and she was settled otherwise by DP. She gave me a bit longer stint in second half of the night. I just want her to find her way, but get everyone in the house as much sleep as poss but making sure she feels comforted.

Can totally relate to everything you said. I also suffer with anxiety and lack of sleep definitely makes it worse. Even now DS sleeps well is till wake up without fail 3 times a night at least. He’s ruined me 😂.

Firstly, you’re not missing anything or doing anything wrong. Your baby is normal. Despite what you might read on here it’s normal for little ones to wake well into their second year. These boards prove that. They are all different. But they all get there at their own pace IMO. Follow your natural instincts.

I found the best way to deal with the lack of sleep was to adjust my expectations and accept I was going to be up. I then maximised my own sleep and rest. I went to bed early a few nights a week. I had DP do the whole bed time routine so I could chill for an hour. I’m lucky DS has always settled like a dream in his cot so when he took his naps I could try and nap and even if I didn’t I used this as rest time. Didn’t do housework or anything as that could wait 😂. At the weekends my mum or inlaws would take him for a few hours to give me a break. Also, because DS has never taken bottles and always wanted boob ahem he woke up I did every single night wake. Therefore DP always got up in the morning and that gave me another good 2 hour chunk. I’ve been told this was a bit mean but quite frankly he was never having interrupted sleep like me so he could bloody get up every morning.

Lack of sleep is horrible, but your little one will get there and before you it they will be all grown up. Things can also change so quickly. I remember my friend asking me about a month before I went back to work and I said no way I didn’t see him sleeping through anytime soon. He started literally 3 days later

Thank you. Can I ask how you managed evenings out? My DP is having a birthday meal out when DD is 11 months. I'm dreading leaving her purely because if rocking fails I can settle her with boob, so if I'm not there I worry she'll be inconsolable. But I want to celebrate DP's birthday (a special one).

To be honest, I didn’t go out at night untill he was 11 months. Me and and DP went to the cinema after I had put him to bed. I then left him for the first time overnight when he was 13 months. Personally I just didn’t feel comfortable leaving him untill I knew he would settle without milk if he did wake. Since he started sleeping through I’ve never fed him at night as he hasn’t asked for it. I could have gone out for evenings earlier as he did sleep for large chuncks regularly after 7 months however it was never consistent and I knew I would just worry about him. However he was very different at 11 months to 9. Her sleeping could be totally different at that time so I’d cross that bridge when you come to it. If she’s still not sleeping through, could you make the meal start after she’s gone to bed? So you put her to bed then pop out? Does she take a bottle at all?

Yeah that's how I feel. At the moment she isn't consistent and can wake usually after 45 mins and only boob will do. Sometimes goes for 1.5-3 hours before waking. Once went through til 12.30am. So I don't feel comfortable leaving her until she's consistent but I can't delay DPs birthday.

She is taking a bottle but only takes around 100ml at a time. We've not tried it at night as the bottle is just for when I'm at work (can't express unless at work so she has formula).