Unsettled baby, won’t skeep, tired mummy, help!!!

[Jade123f]

Hello - looking for some advice. My LO was 5 weeks prem and is now 10 weeks old. He will wake when put in bednest/crib even if seeming to be deeply asleep. Naps need sling/lots of rocking/car during the day, and he wakes if car/rockingstop moving. Not interested in pram. Most nights he goes in crib until first feed and then will only settle on my chest and has now started waking hourly and wanting 1-2oz and then we struggle to get him back to sleep.

We’ve had colic and reflux although these seem to have eased off now, however he still unsettled on an evening, grumpy, fussy, and is difficult to get to sleep.

My friends and their baby seems to have a bedtime routine at 6/7pm and I'm really worried I'm doing something wrong.

Anyone any suggestions for when we should think about an evening routine? Also how does one manage this if the baby won't settle in a crib?

Hope you ladies can help as I am one tired, exhausted mummy!

My son was just like this and I battles and battled to get him to sleep in his crib. It left me exhausted and depressed. I was more relaxed with #2 And let her co sleep a bit when she didn't go back in her side sleeper. She may.or may not have slept better overall but i slept better and wasnt so steessed. Now on #3 And find white noise and my nighty in her bed helps. But essentially, don't worry or compare yourself to anyone else - will drive you mad. And if you need to lay your baby next to you (No pillows.or covers, not in between you and your partner) then that is better than total sleep exhaustion. Good luck x

Congratulations on your new baby! This is such a hard time, I remember going through all the same things. What you are describing is perfectly normal (that's not to say it isn't exhausting). I agree with pp about safely cosleeping, it got me through with my second. Don't worry at all about routine - they should fall into one of those themselves, you don't need to impose one onto them and I think 10 weeks is way too early to expect one - let alone when 5 weeks prem!

I can recommend a FB group called 'the beyond sleep training project'. It really helped normalise infant sleep for me and has been a wealth of supportive advise for surviving sleep deprivation/ finding ways to help.

Thanks so much for your help. It does feel like a constant battle but I’m sure it will get easier I just don’t know when! He did have a tongue tie which was affecting his feeds however this has now been sorted out and I was hoping he would be more settled after that but he still seems to struggle to settle. I have ended up just putting him in with me on a night as I just get so exhausted and it’s the only way he will sleep. I will check out the Facebook group thank you for the recommendation. Did your babies just eventually settle in their own cots then? I’m worried he will never want to go in his own crib if I cosleep all the time.

I was petrified with my 1st that he wouldn't settle if I co slept. I kept getting "you'll make a rod for your own back" from my mum... with my 2nd i did what was needed and she was fine - she was in her own crib in her own room at 3 months!! She didn't sleep through properly until 18 months but she slept 3 hours a time from 3 months - 6 months then would wake once a night from then until about 14 months then it was 1 wake at 5am for milk. So not perfect, not "sleeping through from 6 weeks" which i used to hear from mum's at baby groups... but more than manageable and I don't have a nearly 2 year old in bed with me! Hope tonight goes well for you x Ps my 10 day old spent 3am-4.30am in bed with me last night!

OP my DS went through a long phase of not sleeping in his cot. I had a lot of rod and back comments! The way I look at it is I needed to meet his needs and those were his needs at that time. At 6 months, his sleep changed again and I found he wasn't falling asleep in my arms as easily. I tried putting him down when he was in that sleepy slightly agitated state and he went to sleep. So from then he's been happily sleeping in his own cot ( still wakes multiple Times a night though!) Bear in mind that a lot of people who took the 'cruel to be kind' approach need to be able to justify it and don't want to think it could have got better on its own / with a gentler method.

Moses basket for me done a great job..if the crib is too big,some babies might not settle.That worked for us

Try a sleepyhead.

@crazycatlady I already have a sleepyhead and he still won’t sleep in that! @MyBambi that’s what I thought so I bought the sleepyhead so he would feel more snug.

@Aries456 @upthewolves maybe I just need to go with what he wants for now. He had his injections yesterday so he has been even more clingy today and last night. He was up hourly again last night even though I had him in with me. I guess I will just have to ride it out and keep trying him in the crib and maybe one day he will miraculously get used to it and want to sleep on his own!

Where does he nap in the day? And can you elevate one end of your crib? Always found that helps a bit. Have you tried putting a nighty or something if yours in the crib? White noise? Putting him on his side? Just a few suggestions that helped my little one. Each baby is different though, some just want to be on mum all the time! Take it easy on yourself though... especially as he was premature he may just need more cuddles! X

I’ve tried elevating the crib at one end, I’ve tried putting something of mine in the crib, white nois. Tried everything. He does prefer to be on his side so that does help. I did try a sling which was useful in the first few weeks but now he’s getting a bit heavier it hurts my back and he seems to not like it as much now. I’ve tried the sleepyhead in the day and night time and occasionally he will sleep in his little chair, but in all honesty he just prefers being laid on my chest the majority of the time. Thank you for your help. I think maybe that’s it he just wants to be close to me and I’m just going to have to let him have it his way for a while as it seems impossible to change it!

Following with interest as I have a 4 week old (overdue tho not prem!) who will only sleep on me, not in Sleepyhead or our co-sleeper which both worked with my first! I'm going with the flow for now but also freaking out that I'll be co-sleeping with an 18 year old!

He’s still so young as is only really 5 weeks so this sounds normal. He wants to be close to you. It will get better.

Stick in there you're doing an amazing job!!
I literally held DD for the first 6 months 24/7. I found the next to me crib a blessing as didn't have to get up 5 mins after putting her down, I'd just reach over. Propped myself up with feeding cushion and pillows under each arm and slept half sitting up with DD chest to chest. She's now 1 and in her big cot next to me and sleeps around 3 hours at a time (I still wait the first 2 hours after falling asleep before putting her down).
Every baby is different.
I found Sarah Ockwell-Smith Gentle Sleep book really helpful. It explains why it's all normal and tips on introducing routine.
Try to see through your bloodshot baggy eyes the tiredness and trust your instincts. Always welcome advice and disregard anything you don't want to do.
It gets better!! I hope!

Hi, have you tried white noise? We play it when we are settling our little man and works a treat! Along with some gentle rocking! There’s also a sheep (Ewan the dream sheep) which we place in his crib and when he becomes unsettled during the night that’s amazing!

He sounds just like my first. And I nearly drove myself mad trying to get him to sleep in a crib. In the end I followed HV advice and cry it out out of desperation. Have regretted that decision ever since and promised not to do it with my other 2. Instead i do as others have said and prob up with several pillowd and feeding pillowd and sleep half sat up with my 2 week old in the latter part of the night (she sleeps up to 2.5 hours before 3am but is awake hourly after that!!). Chin up, just sleep whenever and however you can and it will get better soon! 12 weeks there seems to be a big shift x