Sleep training and communication with baby

[BlessedMango]

Hello all,
I know sleep training is a very contentious issue. One of the criticisms is that the baby simply learns that it’s not worth crying because the parents won’t respond, and thus the baby carries on getting stressed and panicky.

So I’m interested to hear from anyone who’s successfully sleep trained: does your baby still cry at night if they actually need you, eg because they’re too hot / too cold / poorly? And do they still let you know when something’s wrong during the day?

I hate the idea of a baby learning that it’s never worth telling their parents when things are wrong, but I’m interested in finding out whether that’s the case.

If anyone can point me at studies done on this that would be great too.

I sleep trained both of mine. One at 8 months, one less successfully at 10 months, and then more successfully at a year old.

They are now 3 and 2, both sleep through regularly, and have had no issues with shouting for us during the night if there's something wrong, even when much younger.

Both have had a dodgy time teething and both have woken up having been sick, and both have had the odd bad dream. They have always cried out, and we have always gone straight to them, because we know that there's actually something going on.

I can't point you to any studies but my anecdotal evidence is that sleep training of the controlled crying, or stay in the room type method works. For some children the 3 days quick method works easily and quickly and for others it takes a gentler, longer approach.

It worked for us. Everyone in the family, including DD, is happier because they are better rested. DD still cries if she needs us in the night and we go to her, but the difference is that she is able to self settle if she wakes as part of her normal sleep cycle. She sleeps through more than 99% of the time.

We used the CC method (not cry it out) and it worked after one night. It was revelatory for us and I would do it again.

I sleeptrained DD1 at 5 months, leaving her in cycles of 1, 2 and 3 minutes until she fell asleep. I did it because it was taking me longer to rock her to sleep than she would actually sleep for, and I estimated I was spending 5 hours a day rocking. She would not go to sleep any other way. She was always a good night sleeper though (only up once) so I never had any issues with going to her in the night. I only wanted her to learn to get to sleep on her own.

She still consistently woke in the night until 13 months, and at 2 will still wake sometimes due to teething. I'll never ignore her in the night - she'll be quickly back to sleep now, rather than battling me.

You're right though, it's contentious: I asked for some advice about sleep training DD2 (similarly difficult) and someone posted that I am "abusive". As far as I'm concerned, unless whoever it is is going to do all this rocking on my behalf, they can GTTFSOF

Wasn't there an AMA thread by a nanny who said studies show the negative parts of CIO outweigh the negatives of little sleep?

Have I got that right or is it double negative?

Basically it's better to let them have a cry than to let them go without sleep. Only after 6 weeks old though.

I did it with my DD when she was about 7 months I think. Always a great sleeper then got into a habit. She only cried for a few minutes - felt like forever, but she's still awesome now at almost 2.

Liskee why was it less successful at ten months? I’m thinking of starting with my 11 mo to help with nap time and nights too but I’m
Told nap time is the hardest!

I think it was DS2 as opposed to the age. DS1 was a cot sleeping formula fed baby whereas DS2 was a co sleeping breast feeder. Different babies with different needs meant DS2 had to be persuaded into the cot over a couple of months by rocking and patting. Only when he was reliably sleeping in the cot did we proceed with teaching him to self settle. Worked a charm then though!

Ah interesting! Did u learn any good settling tricks for extending naps! My lo is cat napping and so so tired he’s 11 months and was napping before 10 month regression hit. He’s so tired and I just can’t get him back to sleep when he wakes. And 3 30 min naps are not enough for him

Thank you all! Food for thought.

I’m looking into it because we want our baby to get more sleep. He’s frequently overtired because he finds the world so exciting and doesn’t want to miss anything.

I resisted controlled crying type methods until I got to breaking point when my DD was a year old. The first few nights were really hard but it was the best thing we ever did. We all started to actually get some decent sleep.
She still cries if she's ill / teething / had a bad dream etc . She's nearly 2 now and her sleep isn't perfect but is much much better and we don't feel the need for controlled crying anymore as she will settle quickly if we do go in.
I am pregnant now and will definitely do sleep training again with this baby if required. My advice is to actually read the book by Ferber rather than going off similar methods you read online. The book gives a much better overview on how babies sleep and different methods for different situations.
Good Luck!