Inconsistent sleep

[Raspberry88]

11 month old DS is has really inconsistent night time sleep. He's fed to sleep still (an attempt at trying to change that recently was an absolute failure.) We're co-sleeping and currently he goes to sleep at 7 on our bed and then it just varies massively. The other night he then slept for 2 and a half hours which was amazing. He sometimes does a 1.45ish spell which is also fine but other nights it's 45 minutes followed by 10 minutes followed by an hour etc. Every single night is different. When we go up to bed at 10ish he has a feed and then on a good night will maybe wake at 1 and 4ish and then go to 6.30ish but other nights we have lots of thrashing around and waking regularly. A good evening doesn't necessarily mean a good night though! Bedtime routine is good but fairly cursory as he will not have a story read or anything like that, he gets really stressed if he's not on the breast as soon as his pyjamas are on and he gets distracted by being read to whilst feeding. We did attempt a bit of gradual retreat after HV came round recently but he becomes hysterical if put in the cot and we aren't going to leave him to cry. I'm starting to struggle with how inconsistent it is as I just cannot ever relax, I would just love an evening with DH without being constantly up and down the stairs. For context, DS has been walking since 10 months, eats really well and is all round lovely. He has 8 teeth already and has one side of his molars part way through. He has been pretty much constantly teething since 3 months so I know this could be the problem but sometimes he seems bad with his teeth in the day but has a good night! Can anyone give me any ideas or advice? Even just to let me know if it is normal, it's common to see people asking about night waking but not so much evening waking!

Sorry, longer than I'd thought!

This is completely normal and I have feel for you. I went through this with both mine. First one took until 3 to stop feeding to sleep but only because I forced it. The nigt wakings, unfortunately, you have to be strong and stop feeding back to sleep? Will he take a dummy?

I consistently had this with my first, and it was my dh who eventually stopped it because he couldn’t physically feed her to sleep and so he would lay in her room until she went back to sleep. She wasn’t happy but took about a week before she settled easier and then eventually stopped waking to feed (still woke frequently mind you).

You may just have a bad sleeper, in which case it will probably be sorted when they start school.

However, tbey could be like my second born who at 18 months I just decided to stop feedjng and he was absolutely fine with that and immediately slept through and has done ever since.

You have to deal with the baby you have, whats normal for you is what’s normal for your baby. There’s no one on here who will be able to help in terms of saying if its normal.

I completely understand the evening waking anxiety though. But that will go!

Hi, I was recently in the exact same position as you. DS took forever to wind down, his mind and body were so active.

Things that didn't help him to settle properly-
husband snoring
being cold
habit of having our body heat and smell ALL THE TIME.
Really disliking a wet nappy.
Not having regular pain relief for the teeth for during the night.
All the fussing.

Maybe try setting up his room and doing last feed in there? If you can, sleeping on a bed next to his until he gets used to it.
Make his bedroom boring and dark.
Kiss him but DO NOT CHAT. They can smell desperation. I wasn't tough enough to let him cry and this way worked for us
You will get there. Some babies just love to cuddle. My DS now sleeps peacefully 7pm- 7am, in his own bed (duvet and low bed) and self settles. It is unbelievable.
Good luck.

Thank you both so much. I think it is the feeding to sleep which is the issue. We did try with DH putting him to bed and it started off ok but got steadily worse until he was hysterical all bedtime and he still woke regularly for milk! I think it coincided with some separation anxiety though so we thought we'd best go back to what we were doing. I do think it is definitely true that he's used to our body warmth too, it's been that in-between temperature recently where is does get a little bit chilly but not cold enough for heating! I think as soon as we have his room finished we'll try again with it all. Thank you again!

Its really hard for you especially as you can’t even take in turns when you feed to sleep. But the day does come when they stop and you will miss it. It’s been about 10 months for me and I miss those bedtime cuddles and feed. However, I like having peaceful evenings now.

It won’t last long at all xx

We managed to stop the feeding to sleep here but it hasn't changed the frequent night wakenings. I'm exhausted! If my dh tries to settle the baby when he stirs we get hysterical crying.

Following as I'm in a similar position. Solidarity, Rasberry! x

Hi Starfish! Fingers crossed it gets easier for us both! X That's my fear Ditching, I'm too tired to contemplate having to spend more time in the night trying to get him to sleep as feeding (on the whole) works so well. I've never liked breastfeeding though, in fact, I've really disliked it so I'm having to keep thinking to the future and that it will definitely stop one day and I'm sure I will miss him when he is in his own bed. It's definitely the lack of sharing that's so difficult. My sister came to visit this weekend which was lovely but I had to keep disappearing off to settle DS and I felt so left out! Luckily she gets on really well with DH but they had some great conversations and I couldn't keep up...and I missed most of Strictly! I have a feeling that it will be easier when we can communicate better with DS when he's older so we can have a chat about what we're doing but I'm not sure if that's true...I know that all the advice given seems to say that it will get harder the longer I leave it! Not sure what people's feelings are!?

Following... same here with my 9 month old. 45 minute wake ups were the norm, still have those, but now it's usualky between 1.5-2.5 hours after bed that she wakes. We had 5.5 hours once. Then randomly for 2 days we had sleep throughs... But that was 2 weeks ago. I'm going bonkers! 2 wake ups a night is a good night, 3 is average but last night it was 4. And that's all at different times...

I'm with you OP.