He does nothing at nighttime should I be upset

[Mamabear9110]

my baby is 8 months old, me and my partner planned the baby and they are both my world. my partner really struggled becoming a dad and admitted he didn’t enjoy the newborn days which I could tell as he started gmaberling and neglecting myself and baby, I felt I was doing it alone. 8 months on and baby is in his own room! obviously he’s not sleeping all the way through so my partner moved back into our room but only the first night he didn’t bother getting up after I had and then woke up saying he couldn’t hack it with no sleep and went in the spare room. I honestly don’t mind getting up with the baby he is my everything and I’d do anything for him, the thing I don’t like is the total lack of consideration my partner shows me and this isn’t the family we had planned. I’ve just tried to speak to him this evening by saying “let’s not argue I just want you to be less stressed are you better in the spare room” and he admitted he preferred the spare room as he wasn’t interrupted. I was fine and just said ok if that’s best in a nice way. He then went on one saying I probably think he has the life of Riley and he’ll just sleep in the bedroom with me if he has too. And I just cried because it’s broken me that I can’t even be nice and understanding with him and he throws it in my face completely. I’m deep down sad he doesn’t want to share the room with me either. I think he might feel a bit guilty about it so he starts an argument when I’m just talking nicely. He just walks off when I cry, I look after the baby everyday he’s off at the weekend but recently we’ve kept out of his way and done our own thing because it’s like he doesn’t want to know sometimes. And other times he’s really good with him playing ect. he said he doesn’t want another baby too. I’ve always wanted more than one - I’m sorry this is a mess but I don’t know what I should do? How I can make it better or should I go it alone because at the moment apart from financially I feel like a single parent and I’m ok with that but deep down it’s not what I wanted. I don’t want my baby to think I ruined things between me and his dad because I’m really trying I just feel so alone. It’s like he can’t even comfort me or care when he upsets me. Please someone give me some advice even if you think I’m doing something wrong please tell me. Thank you guys xxx

My DH does nothing at nighttime too. I’m EBF so there isn’t really anything for him to do and no point as both being tired and plus the baby now expects me so only settles for me!. He does however take LO first thing in the morning at weekends so I can get a bit more sleep andboccassiobally for afternoon naps too.

It does suck that nighttime parenting is down to just me. But I know if I needed him I could go get him.

I also think OH who don’t get up throughout the night don’t understand sleep deprivation and it effects. They may have coped in their lives with a few days of crap sleep in a row but we’ve had to cope for months and year, so it’s not comparable :( so they struggle with giving us the support we need, so I think we need to spell it out to them.

Ps me and my dh have definitely had similar arguments to the one you mentioned above. Doesn’t like to admit he gets the better end if the sleep deal.

I’m sorry to hear your up all night too, how old is your little one. My baby was BF until 6 months but now takes formula, he said he’d move into the same room when he’s in his cot. He’s now in his cot and he still sleeps in the spare room and does nothing. I’ve spelt it out to him, cried, tried to talk EVERYTHING and he just has this I don’t care attitude towards me and paints out like I’m overreacting.