Toddler won’t fall asleep on her own

[dawn96]

Looking for advice as my daughter won’t fall asleep on her own anymore ,she’s just turned 2 a couple weeks back ,she sleeps really well once asleep ,solid 12 hours roughly but can take hours to drop off on her own whereas she takes about 5 minutes if I’m in the room. She also vomits violently when she gets upset so I can’t do the leave her to cry thing.

I’m due baby number 2 in 3 weeks so need to try and nip this in the bud unless my partner doesn’t mind staying with her BUT dad means fun so not sure it would work haha
She has milk still as the doctor told me to give it as she doesn’t eat calcium and eats tiny amounts of everything else in the day ,
Our routine is as followed

-Dinner at 5
-Plays then tidying up (kind of)
-Bath
-Wind down time (usually watch abit of CBeebies bed time hour lately)
-Milk and story
(by this time it’s about 7:15)
-Curtains shut lights go off I kiss her goodnight leave and then I get

“MUMMY WAIT NO MUMMY COME BACK”
And running round the room getting upset etc

I’ve introduced a night light because she told me it’s scary in the dark but this hasn’t helped

Any help appreciated,oh and it’s not that she’s not tired she really is x

I really can’t understand why you can’t stay with her if she falls asleep in 5 minutes?

If you’re concerned about what baby will do when you’re getting toddler to bed can’t your partner hold the baby at this point?

I’m planning on breastfeeding so I’m worried that feeds will clash with bedtime and it’ll all be one huge stress mess 😩

If baby needs feeding could you feed in toddlers room then leave after feed?

I have to say I think it’s unfair to deny your toddler what she needs right now on the off chance it MIGHT interfere with feeds down the line. It’s way too early to know and as PP said you can do both st the same time!

motherhood is the hardest most confusing thing I’ve ever done ,I used to co sleep with my daughter it worked for us I was told I was so wrong by my health visitor and everyone around despite it being the only way I could get more than 2 hours sleep a night ,I then finally got her in her own room and stayed with her till she slept as I enjoyed it and felt it was nice for both of us and was told again by everyone and my health visitor not to do this ,I finally get her to self soothe and it goes well then randomly she can’t do it anymore I ask my health visitor why and she says I absolutely mustn’t give in and lay with her ,I do anyway and I’m told it’s wrong and she needs to be Independent by everyone and I’m too weak for laying with her till she falls asleep and now people are saying it’s unfair for me not too ,no idea what is right and what is wrong at this point all I know is I’m a young mum who’s partner works nights I’m being told my life is going to be impossible if I do this one thing and also being told it won’t ,no clue what to do and getting overwhelmed now

OP, there’s no right or wrong, so take other people’s advice which a pinch of salt. I’m in the same boat but tell myself that she’s still a baby and it’s a nice time for both of us to reconnect. We’ll remember these bedtimes fondly when they don’t need us anymore.

You’ve answered your own question there tbh. Everything you chose to do felt right, it’s only when others told you what you are doing is wrong that you stopped doing those things. Humans have slept with their babies for thousands of years long before health visitors and their irritating ‘advice’ came along 🙄 your little one is still a baby and still needs you. Don’t let someone with a clipboard you ‘mustn’t give in’ to your child’s needs! You’re the only one who knows your child! I’m currently cuddling my 20 month old to sleep.

She also vomits violently when she gets upset so I can’t do the leave her to cry thing.

Anyone who advocates that you ‘mustn’t give in’ to that surely doesn’t have a f**king clue? Sounds like you’re doing just fine mama.

Ah OP, it's bloody confusing at times. I'm more like you I think. When I was pregnant with my second, I did gradual withdrawal with my first. He was younger and had never fallen asleep without bf, or car, or pram. So you are further on than I was. If you can, do whatever you're doing now (laying with her?) Then gradually do less. Lay turned away. Then sit on the floor, then sit further away, over a period of time. If that's not an option, you haven't got time before the baby arrives, then I'd continue as you are and give baby to Dh at bedtime. I bf both mine but made sure ds2 had a bottle so H could feed him. That way I could carry on puttingbdc1 to bed.

Mine never fell asleep alone when small but did by the time he was 14 or so :-).

Seriously, why take any notice of health visitors? They just parrot stuff they've learned from a book. Those with kids tell you about what they did with their children - who are quite different to yours. The rest they make up as they go along. I only saw one twice.

You do what is right for your child whether it means sleeping with them or whatever.

When your baby comes along you can feed him or her whilst sitting with your older one.

You'll manage.

Try leaving all the lights on - our daughter sleeps with them on all night because of a similar scenario. Nightlights didn’t work for her either.

@dawn96 my DD does this sometimes she has just turned two! Lasts a few nights but then
I get fed up and leave her to cry, she is usually fine as long as I leave the door open and the hall light on but sometime she does get hysterical so I lay with her till she falls asleep! It's easier than the hour long battle to keep going in and out ! Do what your heart tells you xxx

If you are imminently due another baby then now is the worst time to take away her bedtime reassurance.

Can’t your DH cuddle her to sleep or rock the baby for the five minutes it takes for your DD to fall asleep? Your DD is about to go through a massive upheaval with a new sibling, so she will need extra love and comfort in the coming weeks.

Will her dad be there at bedtime? If so one of you should just sit with her till she falls asleep. She will need you there when the baby arrives or will feel left out. I think it is normal for toddlers to need someone to sit with them to fall asleep when they might have been fine when younger. I have a 3 year old and she won't go to sleep in the room on her own and I know my friends 3 year old is the same now and he used to be really good at going to bed on his own.
You sound like you know what you are doing so don't listen to health visitors etc too much, they can be a right pain. They told me babies should sleep through at 6 months and not need milk during the night.... but some do and how are you meant to tell the baby that.

For some reason I’m not receiving any notifications so I had no idea you all replied ,sorry for that I wasn’t being intentionally rude ! I’ve decided to just approach this problem when it happens ,I have no idea how it’ll be so I’m trying not to worry about it yet ,her bed time has been made earlier though so that her Dad will always be here before she goes to bed to help out ,hopefully this solves our issue but there’s no point getting all worked up now it’s probably just a phase anyway ,Thankyou all xx

Yy crazycatlady

I used to feed DS2 while sitting with DD.