9 week old sleep questions (night wakings / bf to sleep) - help needed for first time mum

[padpadmama]

Hi all I’m new to Mumsnet and would really appreciate some help! Our 9wk old son is EBF and our current routine is:
7-7:30 Bath/quick massage/change into PJs all in calming bedroom
7:30-8 Instead of getting him to sleep in the bedroom we bring him to the living room (as apparently they are not supposed to be left alone?!). I feed him and he falls asleep in my arms. We have lights low and TV on low volume
8-9:30 He sleeps in my arms whilst i chill out/watch telly until 9:30 when I’m ready to go to bed and bring him with me. We cosleep which I love! I usually give him a little top up feed lying down if he’s woken up and we both fall asleep together

Questions:

1. I would really love to be able to have a little bit of my evenings back so would it be ok to leave baby to sleep in bedroom by himself at 8pm? It also means he won’t be woken up by the transfer at 9:30. We will have the baby monitor on of course and I’ll check up on him regularly.
2. Baby wakes up at 12:30, 2, 4:30 for feeds. I feed him lying down and he’s quick (15mins) so I’m not losing too much sleep. HOWEVER I know that at his age he should be able to drop the 2am or even 12:30am feeds and he’s likely just doing them for comforts - are there ways to wean him off them (and bf to sleep) or will he just grow out of it when he’s ready? Should I be doing something in the evening to help him sleep longer (I already have him on my boob from 6-8 pretty much nonstop barring 20mins for bath time).I am waiting for the magical ‘sleeping longer stretches’ at around his age but not sure if it will come???? He did a few nights of sleeping 5 hours (the longest) but most nights he gets up every 2-3hrs

As additional info, he naps for a total of 4-5hrs spread over 3-4 naps, mostly done in baby carrier as he always wakes after 30min when lying down (but also so I can do shopping/housework!)

Sorry for the looooong post and any advice/experience sharing much appreciated!!!

Sounds like you’re doing a great job and all entirely normal! Some babies are sleepers, others aren’t. I have a 17 week old DS and he’s generally up every 2/3/4 hours at night to feed, it’s just the way he is at the moment. His big sister did longer stretches, but he doesn’t. They find their own pattern which will also change over time! I wouldn’t worry about the number or duration of night feeds for some time yet, just go with what he needs. To give you a comparison, DS was asleep in bed by 7.30 and I’ve been up this last night at 12, 2.45, 5 (although he apparently only wanted a cuddle) and now is still snoozing after a big feed at 6.30.

As for evening sleep, you’ll know what the guidelines advise, so go with what you’re comfortable with. DS goes to bed around 8 now with the monitor on etc, ideally so I get a small amount of evening time but in reality to help with the palaver of getting DD to bed!

The night feeds are still to help build your supply & him putting in the order for the next day especially for growth spurts.
You’re also coming up to 4 month sleep regression so just go by what works.

It’s more after 6 months they start dropping night feeds properly although some babies do sooner but my eldest we did it slowly at 9 Months.

I followed the guideline of being in the same room as us for every sleep which meant having him downstairs until we went up to bed. Quite a lot of people don't so it is down to your judgement. The way I see it, it is only 6 months and it isn't really a great hardship to have a cuddly baby on my lap while I watch TV. We swap over holding him every so often so we each have a bit of freedom, and we have the TV on normal volume.
I'm not sure that a 9 week old should be dropping night feeds? That is still tiny. The babies I know from our baby group who range in age from 4 to 10 months are nearly all waking at least twice a night and some much more frequently.

Entirely depends on your little one and what they chose to do! Ive just gone with the flow and My baby dropped his middle of the night feeds about 8 weeks, he was just falling asleep and then refused to wake up and his latest feed got earlier and earlier and he started taking more frequently during the day. Ive just sort of gone with it. He's 4 months now and just about ready to start going up on his own around 8. He would have been ready at about 12 weeks but then went through a phase of wanting an extra feed at 9 again. I go up about 9 anyway so the way I see it he won't be up there long on his own but gets him used to it and he does settle really well in his crib by himself. Just do what you feel is right and go with it! I try not to think routine wise although we are quite routined anyway so think he's just fallen into it naturally

Thanks so much all for your advice!!

Sounds like the night feeds will continue but that's ok - I usually check mumsnet/instagram while lying down with him on my boob so NBD and he's quite the efficient feeder at night I'll just go with the flow

As for bedtime I think I will have him on my lap a while longer until he's 6month old - will try and enjoy all the cuddles when they are this tiny!

xxxx

It's perfectly normal for a baby of that age to wake to feed at least that many times

He's still tiny in the 4th trimester.

Hell my 14mo still needs at least that many feeds. (I'm sure someone will come and tell you I'm wrong shortly).

You will get your evenings back just possibly not this early! 6 months I started getting SOME of my evening back, now at 19 months once in bed I then have a full evening. It might seem ages away but it’s not and it will fly by.

Thanks @arbrighton @crazycatlady5

Last night he got up at 11:30pm, then at 1am, 2:30, 3;30 then 5:30

For the quick successions 1/2:30/3:30 he was only on the boob for a few moments so I think they were for comforts instead of hunger. But he never used to do this (up until a few nights ago he would leave at least a 2hr gap between feeds). Could it be sleep regression? Or maybe he's learning a new skill and so needs extra comforting?! I'm hoping it will get better and not worse!

I covered my boobs up at 3:30am and that seemed to have helped a bit.

xx

Hi @padpadmama

My 7 week DD has a very similar night sleeping routine. But I have been putting her down in the room with the monitor and then spend maybe 30 minutes to an hour showering and spending time with my husband. But usually around 930/10, I get so tired I go back into the room and sleep. And I think it's ok to leave baby for just a small little stretch of time with the monitor on.

I had a few lucky long stretches but hasn't been consistent but I do seem to find myself up around 12, and then around 230/3 and then the 630/7 am "wake up". When I was lucky with the long stretches it seemed that the 12 was the drop off time. But who knows each baby is different and I'm hoping for longer stretches of sleep soon. I'm also going to introduce the crib soon, which gets me a bit nervous on how it will go...

Best of luck!

Thanks @Shopgirlpenny last night he only got up twice (1am and 4am) but who knows I'm just grateful that he does sleep and doesn't take long to settle during the night (touch wood) good luck to you too! Everything clicked into place for us around 7 weeks - and I'm already feeling like time is slipping away 😭

That's great to hear @padpadmama! We had a very similar wake up time except I ended up putting her down a little early yesterday and she woke up around 9:00 for a feed but then slept until 12:30. And then again at 4:15. And yes, grateful for the little bits of extra sleep when I can get it.

I'm glad things starting clicking around now. 🤞🏼I worry about the time flying by. I live in the states so maternity leave is not very generous and it makes me sad thinking of leaving her when she is around 4 months. Even if I'm a bit sleep deprived! I can only think I'll be even more so.

Hoping for more progress and sleep for the both of us!

Is it honestly a thing to not have them sleeping in a room by themselves at all? I thought it was just a through the night thing.

Currently pregnant with my first so don't have a clue, clearly! Was of the view we could pop them down for bedtime upstairs, and have the baby monitor (plus check every 45 mins ish by going upstairs).

Oh god how I envy you 😂 my wee guy didn't sleep through untill he was nearly a year old. He's breastfed to sleep so havnt been able to crack that one yet. Though will sometimes go off in pram being rocked or in arms

@Shopgirlpenny Ah yes we are incredibly lucky in the UK that we get decent maternity leave. Hats off to you mamas over in the States! I'm sure you will make it work for you and your LO x

@m4rdybum Congrats!!! I was going by the guidelines which say that the baby should sleep in the same room as parents at all times (even for naps), so at the moment I've been having him sleep in my arms for an hour or so in the evening until I'm ready to go to bed. But from what lots of other moms are saying it seems to be absolutely fine to leave LO in the bedroom with monitor on - so I think it's your choice! For the first couple of weeks my LO fed almost constantly so be prepared for lots of sofa time anyway! 

@NotSoThinLizzy Haha I'm mentally prepared for him not sleeping through until he's 2 or 3 so anything before that is a bonus 😆 x

@m4rdybum please read this - your baby your rules etc etc but please inform yourself from reliable sources before you make your rules. www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/

I've found the easiest thing is to go with the flow. As pp have said your baby is still tiny. Cuddle him while he sleeps! And the night wakings are normal. And necessary to maintain your supply and keep him full. And even if he just feeds "for comfort" isn't it lovely that he is able to snuggle up to you when he wakes in the night and feels like a cuddle. Keep doing what you're doing!

Thanks @CassandraLamontaigne I totally agree, in a few years' time I'll be begging him for a cuddle 😭💔

My son is 10 weeks and I put him down in our bedroom for the night at 7.30. I go to bed around 10.00 so I think he is ok on his own. I go to check on him all the time and he has a monitor but I find he sleep longer stretches in the bedroom as he seems to understand that it’s night time. He has slept through until 6-7 a couple of times or he will wake up once around 2pm for a feed. My first son woke every 1/2 hours until he was 18mnths. It nearly killed me. They are all different