At my wits end with 4 yo - help and advice needed please!!

[ohsmellyjelly]

Hi there

Could really use some advice please!

My 4 yo ds always slept through the night until about 2 months ago. As a baby he was in grobags so when moved into bed never got out of it himself & would wait until someone went to get hm up. About 2 months ago his bed frame broke so his mattress was on the floor for a couple of weeks then he started getting out of bed in the night and getting into my/our bed, we kept putting him back and got him another bed but the probs are just getting worse. Now he won't settle to sleep in the evening, says his room is scary or he doesn't like his bed and screams the place down if I leave his room. He wakes about every hour with some demand or other that he wants his light/ music on and won't settle back in. Things not great with me and his Dad so maybe he's picking up on that so I don't want to be too hard on him but at the same time I am going to get ill if I have bugger all sleep for much longer. Have tried most things, special clock to tell him when night time, blackout blinds, music, nightlight, no nightlight etc etc.... Totally at my wits end

bump

No advice but I didn't want your post unanswered! Neither of my dc (4 and 2yrs) have been sleeping well recently and I'm absolutely exhausted. I know how you feel and it sucks. Hope someone comes up with a solution.

No real suggestions except sympathy. DD went through a phase like that when she was 4. We got to the point that any demands were met with a grunt and a tuck in from us, nothing else. Eventually she got the hint and stopped shouting for us. Sometimes we hear her singing to herself or chatting to teddy at 2am, but as long as she isn't hollering the place down I simply don't care.

Thanks D & S, good to know that I'm not alone but sorry yours are/have been the same. Have spoken to HV this morning as can't think what else to do, hope she may come up with some suggestions. He is totally in control of the situation but I feel powerless to change it as he's so loud and demanding

Have you tried rapid return where you just put him back in bed, no eye contact, no talking (maybe a firm no to continued requests but no discussion) and then just keep doing the same (the first few nights you may have to go in loads and loads but always with the no talking etc) . That's what they seem to do on progs like little angels and it works. No matter how loud and demanding he is, you are the boss, he needs to sleep and as long as he is safe where he is there is no need for you to stay with him.
You could give it a go! Let us know if you do and if you get results...

Oh I do sympathise because I had exactly the same thing with my DS1 (also 4). I'll see if I can find my thread, I got a few useful tips from it.

here you go

He now goes to bed with a doggy to help the bad dreams stay away - doesn't always work but things are definitely loads better than they were.

Thanks for that Mrs W. My ds sounds pretty much identical to yours in the sleep department! I have tried the rapid return thing mostly in the evenings if he doesn't go off to sleep rather than in the night as dd2 wakes up with his hollering. Tonight I have tried the door routine, in bed and quiet door open, out of bed/ yelling = door closed. That was after trying staying in his room for a bit which starts off ok but he keeps waking himself up and can see myself being there all night. I think I have become my own worst enemy because I've let him into my bed in the middle of the night just to get some sleep.

It's awful because it really gets to me and I feel at a loss as to what to do. I don't want to psychologically damage him by leaving him screaming but I also will be psychologically damaged if this carries on

We did the same thing, letting him to our bed in the middle of the night - at 4am, you'll do anything to get a couple more hours sleep.

DH has just reminded me that we also had some success with star charts - DS1 got a trip to the cinema after one week of staying in his bed all night.

It really got to me too, was tired and unreasonable with DS1 in the middle of the night, which definitely didn't help the situation.

Really hope you have a better night tonight.

Thanks Mrs W. Have tried the star chart esp as dd2 sleeps brilliantly so thought a bit of heathly competition might help

Mind you it was when you get 7 stars you get special treat. DD got her first today much to ds indignation!! So maybe it will work in future I don't know. I know that I have to come up with a plan and stick to it as chopping and changing won't help either!!

Yes have had night's of yelling at him , it's just so bloody draining isn't it? It's also caused a lot of probs with H and I arguing in the night, he's not here atm so am dealing with it on my own which is easier in a way as I'm not expecting any help only to be disappointed!!

Thanks for your thoughts, it's helps just to know that I'm not alone

How about letting him choose some new bedding for his new bed? This worked when I needed to get ds into bed from his cot. Don't know if it will work for you but you could give it a go? Also, we fitted a dimmer switch to his bedroom light so that we could turn it down to the lowest setting and he could still see (just) if he woke in the night.
HTH

(DS1 didn't go to sleep until well after nine tonight so will probably be resurrecting the star chart tomorrow...)

Lack of sleep is not good for marriages I think, me and DH have always been horrible to each other in the middle of the night when arguing about whose turn it is to get up and who has had the most sleep etc etc.

If all else fails, suggest the sleeping the shed plan, as mentioned by Tribpot on that other thread (DH, DS or even yourself to get a bit of peace )

Oh, one final thing we did as a last resort - moved DS2 into DS1's room, so he felt he had company at night. They still sharing now, 6 months later, and both seem quite happy with it.

my ds is bad, even moved out with him to spare room with two single beds slightly apart and still last night he woke up several times and then I go to his bed after he comes to mine, and this happens several times - musical beds! AND THEN AT 7 AM HE PEED ON ME, hasn't wet the bed for a year. What a night!
The thing that did work for me, that i used to do, was a single bed beside our double but on a slightly lower level so you can easily push then off your bed into their own and not so easy for them to creep into yours, also not so easy for them to put out their four feelers (yes the arms and leg explore the bed for body heat and then they move towards you). Also if they come in in the night this is the bed they can go to and know its ok. I have heard of parents giving a daily treat, try lollies this time of year, if they don't come in. (so the message is that they can come in if they need to, but beside your bed not in your bed, and if they stay in own bed they get a daily treat)

They start getting scared at 4/5 and i remember being paralysed by fear and so sypathise with the child. Although having said that i found myself tonight on the brink of saying, 'if you get into my damn bed tonight I'm going to smack you' - ofcourse I didn't say this and I don't smack my kids ever but I just felt so cross about being robbed of my sleep.

Well........ took ages to get ds to sleep last night but persevered with the door thing until he went down. However although he woke up nearly every hour as usual he didn't get out of bed and try to come in mine and settled back to sleep more quickly when I went in to him! Fingers crossed it can only get better...

Thanks for your tips at peeing on you OB! Hope you had a better night x