Had a really crap day...

[Catheroooo]

Just need to vent and get some support from similar parents.

8 month DD terrible sleeper. She wakes at the drop of a pin in her room. We have to tip toe round. We have a fan on I her room to help.

Only naps in her cot. I can get 30-45 minutes out of her in her car seat or pram. She can fall asleep ok but can't stay asleep. Watching her on the monitor she twitches at the 30-45 min mark sometimes she puts herself back to sleep after moving round and getting comfortable ... others we have to go in. I think that's why she wakes in her pram or car seat: she can't move round. I'm feeling housebound due to naps. She can go 1.5 hours at home.

Today I had to take my car to the garage so we stayed at grandma's house whilst it was done. Set up a dark room and the travel cot which she used to sleep in at home so is familiar. Had her comforter, sleeping bag and fan. Refused her naps. Had 45 mins in the pram and a 15min nap in car on way home.

Just feeling utterly deflated. I can't go out for long due to lack of naps on the go. Nightime she wakes 2-3 times before midnight, then a further wakeup around 3am.i feed her every time. I'm knackered. I go back to work at the end of Sept. She'll be at nursery and God knows how she will sleep there. I'm just at the end if my rope and just can't help thinking it's going to be this way for at least the next few years.

Okay. Baby and toddler sleep isn’t linear. It’s not about finding the answer that fixed everything. It’s about stages and what works in each one. Think about the brain development and growth that happens in that first year! Your sleep would be more than disturbed if you wet going through that.

Can you try thinking about it differently?. Nap when she does. Get dad to spend more time with her.

Yeah I know... but it would just be nice if we had had a good phase...

I go back to work in 3 weeks so no chance of sleeping when she sleeps.

Sorry, feeling very sorry for myself today and was hoping for her usual 1.5 hour nap but she woke after 45 minutes.

Eight months was a shocking time for us too. I too fed to sleep and transferred to cot while asleep, etc, but she did grow out of it. She gave up feeding to sleep herself and her sleep has slowly but surely got better. We still get bad nights and colds and teething disrupt things but it's much better. I tortured myself with the thought of her not sleeping properly for years but she's found her own way. It's so hard to convey how soon this may feel like a distant memory to you - it wouldn't have meant anything to me at the time.

This was about the point I was going back to work too. I actually found going back to work OK. I love DD to bits but my day at work was less taxing than running around after a demanding and grumpy little sleep thief! I wouldn't have believed that either (couldn't imagine how I'd cope without sleeping when she did) but that's how it panned out for me. Sending hugs and solidarity. Having a shocking sleeper is brutal.

I go back to work in 3 weeks so no chance of sleeping when she sleeps.

You can for 3 weeks though. Might make the world of difference to how you feel.

Thank you both.

A day of crying and grumpiness from us both... my OH came home with formula and chocolate. Suffice to say the choc was demolished but the formula barely touched! She did take some though and that was from me (!!) so I feel better about her at nursery that she will feed if hungry.

By 5pm I had diagnosed her with silent reflux and ready to go to Drs tomo. But an hour later I calmed down and trying to just go with it. Desperate to let her find he way as much as possible. Just need to man up. Just my anxiety tries to tell me that something is wrong. It's so reassuring hear from others but damn it's so hard not to get cross thinking about all those sleeping through babies and mothers out there tonight.... my OH is so good, telling me they might have a terrible 2s and ours might sail through (Yeah right!). All I long for is that night of good sleep for all of us.

@Catheroooo - no harm in taking her to the docs for peace of mind. Just realised that I haven't said this but my DD has a dairy allergy which we didn't discover until five months. I had suspected silent reflux earlier but HV didn't seem interested and told me I'd have to give her Gaviscon. She wouldn't take a bottle and I wasn't sure so I didn't pursue it. Silent reflux is hard to diagnose, I think, but I do blame her small appetite and eating little and often on it. My experience and that of other mums I know is that you need to have a bit of a meltdown for them to bother exploring it. Just a thought but ranitidine is magic if that is the cause.

And none of this manning up talk - it's so awfully bloody hard and you are 'manned up'. It takes all of that and more to get through it. But get through it you will and sleep she will. In the meantime, do whatever you need to do to get as much sleep as possible. Bugger the rods and backs - you need to look after yourself to enable you to care for her. Big hugs

Still crap... She's got a cold. Last night cried until 1am after going to bed at 7. Tried feeding to sleep, rocking, sleeping on me and with me. He just pulls at my hair and pinches me but theminute i out her down sge cries. Dosed up on all meds. After finally giving in at 1am she then woke every 1.5 hours. Tonight is going the same way. Is this the cold, something worse, or God forbid our new norm? Can't handle this every night.

Hi @Catheroooo !

My DD is so similar to yours! I'm back at work tomorrow and she's taken 2 hrs to go to sleep and woke after 45 mins! Her sleep has been steadily getting worse and this last week has been awful! Also worrying about how to manage severe sleep deprivation and work.....when do you go back? I think my DD really struggles for weeks before a tooth pops out, as as soon as it cuts we get a few good nights. could this also be the same with yours? It feels constant! Anyway, solidarity it's bloody tough!!

Hi @Catheroooo

How are you doing? Has your little one got over the cold?

We're not doing great here - baby has cut his top two front teeth but I got a look in his mouth earlier and think there's at least one more on the way. Seems to be coldy tonight as well. Think there might be a bit of separation anxiety going on as well.

For the last few nights we've several wake ups and at least one has been for a couple of hours. Up early every day too. Today has only had 2 40 min naps.

All this has resulted in a very overtired baby and we're on the 4th wake up since he went to bed at 6.45! Hasn't stayed down for longer than 45 mins. Am considering co-sleeping for the first time in months just to try and get through the night but worried it'll then be hard to get him back into his cot once we're back on track a bit more?!

Hey @thingybobwotsit

Agh I hate those nights. Sounds like he's got a lot going on but it's just so draining . Did you cope without your OH?

Mixed bag here. We had 2 days if nearly sleep throughs?!? Admittedly we had crying bmfor a few hours, DD goes to bed at 7pm. One night she slept 11-9 then the next 9-7. I honestly thought we'd cracked it and allowed myself to believe! She had a cold and I thought that made sleep worse but I think she was just exhausted. Anyway since then we had a few terrible nights. And she's started to protest after her night feeds whereas before I was thankful that she woukd usualky go straight back down but she's taken an hour or two to settle, and only my OH can do it.

We had a few days of short naps and I think last Thursday I hit bottom and was crying all dat: sleep deprived and feeling like we were almost winning but then lost the sleep throughs!
She's had a terrible cherry cough so that's been waking her. So far tonight she's been ok with one wake up since 7pm, but I truly understand what your night is like tonight. We probably have at least 1 or 2 of those a week.

I've only got one week of mat leave left and still no routine as such, she can wake anytime between 6 -8am but later isn't unheard of. She won't be dropped at nursery until 11 so she will get her morning nap here but if she doesn't wake til 8 then I will struggle to get her it. She won't sleep well at nursery. So I guess I will have to start waking her at a certain time which I hate!

Hope you get some decent chunks tonight @thingybobwotsit

I tried in desperation last week to co sleep like the early days but she just thought it was playtime!!!

Oh @Catheroooo I imagine it's so hard to go back to rubbish nights when you've had a little taste of how good a longer stretch of sleep is! Sounds like last night started off relatively well for you, hope you and your little one had a good night. The cough sounds horrible, poor thing.

My little one settled down a bit after a feed at 10.20 (before that had been settling him with the dummy) and we got a few hours in until he was next up at 1.30. He then woke up again at 2.15 and I'm pretty sure it was his teeth playing up. Took an hour to settle him and then he slept until about 5.30 and played in his cot until I got him at 6ish.

It wasn't too bad when my husband was away. He normally tries to settle baby for any wakes before midnight, but to be honest hasn't had much success lately. DH does bedtime as well but that has been a bit stressful too, mostly when I say goodnight after his bath, which is why I think there's some separation anxiety as well...

Back to work! How are you feeling about it? Has baby had many settling in sessions at nursery?

Hope you managed some sleep @thingybobwotsit

Sounds like teeth and cold for sure.

DD woke at 12.30 and 4 then awake for the day at 7. Not too bad I guess. We had a good day of napping yesterday, 1.45 in the morning and 1.15 in the afternoon. I was hoping for similar this morning as we are out for the rest of the day at in laws and she never sleeps well, but she has woken up after 30 minutes! Going to be a long day....

I'm ok I think about it all. I'm tearful it's over and sad that it was a difficult mat leave rather than what I imagined. We've been so attached so I guess it might be healthy to give her some time with others (well thats what everyone is telling me anyway). I'm not ready if I'm honest.

That's great your partner can do bedtimes etc. Mine is about to take 4 weeks off to look after DD while I'm at work so hopefully she will go down ok for him!

I used to feed to sleep but daddy took over bedtimes about 6 weeks or so ago after a biting incident during the bedtime feed. So now he has a bottle. I'd been able to stop feeding to sleep for naps a few weeks before which I think made it easier, but they'll find their own way of doing things! Although the last week or so bedtime has sounded slightly more stressful.

I'm actually out for lunch today with friends while dad and baby have a day out. Not great timing as he was miserable with his teeth, but I guess I deal with it all the time so his dad will manage. Odd how I'm nervous about it even though he's with his daddy!

I know what you mean about mat leave not having been what you expected. Are you going back full time? I'm not back til Jan but am hoping that going back will actually help me get a bit more balance back to things...

How was today @thingybobwotsit? Hope you had a good time? How was Daddy's day? Does he sleep better for him?

I'm going back 3 days a week. Last Sunday of freedom :(

We had a rubbish day of naps. After the 30 minute morning nap she woukdnt go down at Grandmas so had a or am nap but it was her usual 45 mins. What's that about?

So she's been miserable since, and woke up 30 mins after bed and is now screaming whilst Daddy tries to settle her. Just feeling done with it, just want things to get better.

Ahhh @Catheroooo I have no advice but just know that you're not the only one feeling like this! Did baby settle down last night in the end?

Yesterday was lovely - felt so nice to be doing something adult and just for me! My husband said they had a lovely day. He had an unscheduled nap in the car but went down for a late nap with no fuss. He was up at 10.15, 2.20 and 4.50 last night, and got up properly at 6.15. That's beginning to feel pretty routine for us.

Remind me, are you breastfeeding? You said you'd tried some gentle sleep training didn't you? We're considering a sleep consultant, just to help us get on the same page, as currently we're very inconsistent with him and just do whatever it takes to get him back to sleep and when it doesn't work we're stumped (and exhausted). Hoping to find someone who uses gentle methods and hoping an outside opinion can help us come up with a bit more of a strategy we can both follow

Glad you had a good day @thingybobwotsit I've not left mine for longer than a few hours, primarily because she's always been a snacker and I've never felt confident she won't be hungry whilst away from me (Yep I'm bf). She wouldn't take a bottle and I can't express. However recently she has drunk of couple of ozs of formula so I hope she will be ok whilst I'm at work.

When is the sleep consultant meeting? We did a little bit of controlled crying to move her from my bed to her own room. It wasn't as horrible as I expected, she rolled onto her front after 30 mins and slept (with night wakings). We had a good run for 2 weeks then she started waking frequently after 45 mins of bedtime. We carried on with CC but it took hours and it never got easier and I was always crying as it felt like torture so we stopped. I just started responding with boob. It's not ideal as I'm tired but I feel like I'm doing the right thing for her. Who knows how we'll be when I'm back at work! Hopefully the consultant will help you. I know what you mean about being given consistency. We just respond with whatever works on the night. It does feel sometimes like we are confusing the situation but she finds gentle sleep training too stimulating and I hate CC (so does she obviously!).

How we it when you DH first startedsettling him? I've always done it but as of next week my DH is looking after her 3 days a week so he will be settling her for naps. I'm hoping it will be good long term as she will hopefully settle for him even when I'm here so gives us some options.