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New to parenting and up 15 times last night! Advice very welcome!!

5 replies

Loulibella · 29/08/2018 15:11

Hello!

I have recently moved in with my partner of 2 years and his 3 children - boy aged 8, boy aged 6 and girl aged 4. Long story short - he had a very acrimonious divorce and his ex-wife causes us a lot of problems. He ended up living with his mum and the kids (who he has shared custody of) in his old bedroom for just over two years. They shared a big bed at first but then he bought them a triple bunk, however still all in the same bedroom at night. The 4 year old was apparently breast-fed until she was 3-and-a-bit, and all three kids apparently still share a bed with their mum, despite them all having their own beds and bedrooms at her place (and always have had)...

ANYWAY

Now that they have their own beds and rooms at our new place, we have had difficulty trying to keep them asleep through the night, particularly the 4 year old, who is waking up crying every 20 mins or so after she is put to bed saying she has had a nightmare. All three then wake up at various times in the night (last night 15 times in total 😴) and have to be taken back to bed. The only period that all three seem to sleep is between midnight and 4.30ish - then it's back to putting them back to bed again. I appreciate that sleeping in their own beds is new to them, and that there'll be an element of separation anxiety and the fact that they have never had to self soothe before now (as one parent or the other has been in the same bed/room in the night).

(I should add, the 4 year old shares a room with one of her brothers, so when she wakes up and starts calling out, we have been going to her to stop her from waking the other one up)

I'm after any advice or suggestions you can offer, or is it simply a case of putting them back to bed each time they come into our room, being patient and praying they'll grow out of it?!

OP posts:
53rdWay · 29/08/2018 15:19

Suspect there’ll be a degree of just riding it out with them - this is a lot of big changes at once, they’re going to take a bit of time to adjust. But in the meantime are there things that might help the 4yo feel safer where she is, if she’s the one having nightmares? A night-light, glow-in-the-dark stars (handy as she can put them up herself and therefore it’ll feel a bit more like her space), specific teddy, door left open with a crack of light coming through it?

Seniorschoolmum · 29/08/2018 15:25

Do the children bring their teddy bears with them. If not take them out and choose new ones for “daddy’s house”.

What are the nightmares about? Can you address that? Fear of the dark- night light etc.

I know it’s not much help at the moment but it will pass. They’ll get used to sleeping in their beds eventually. It just needs patience, reassurance & good humour.

anniehm · 29/08/2018 15:34

Firstly, it's not that unusual for four year olds. They will be worried, confused, disoriented etc from the changes they have been through. My suggestion is to ensure that you do positive things in the bedroom like reading and playing so when they do wake it's not a scary place - however be assured they will grow out of it by themselves if you are patient, around 6 years old for us

53rdWay · 29/08/2018 15:41

Also at 4 you can outright ask her (in the daytime) what would help her feel safer/more comfortable in her room at nights and see what she comes up with.

Loulibella · 29/08/2018 15:53

Thanks all so far! Pleased to hear it's not just our 4 year old! 😅
Yes all have a teddy that they bring between houses, and I've ordered the 4 year old a dream catcher and explained to her what it does, in the hope that it has a placebo effect!
I nipped out at lunchtime to buy a nightlight for the 6 year old who has been insisting that he needs the bedside lamp on to sleep, in addition to the fairly bright landing lamp we leave on at night with doors ajar. Hopefully that will help a bit.

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