Exhausted with lack of sleep - help!

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DS (6 months) has never been a good sleeper. For the first couple of months he woke every 2hrs. Then it was every 4hrs and he even slept one full night at 5 months. But now it’s gone back to every 2hrs and he wants breastfeeding every time he wakes. He won’t nap during the day either, he just thrashes and screams even though he’s clearly exhausted.

I’ve tried cosleeping but that’s worse, he wakes me up every half hour clawing at my boobs for milk. I’ve tried getting DH to put him back to sleep but he just gets more hysterical until he gets my breast. He does sometimes nap if I push him in the buggy, but I have to walk for over an hour just for him to nap 20 mins. And quite frankly I’m so exhausted I can’t be bothered to walk.

Last night he woke 5 times and took between 10-45 mins to go back to sleep each time. He’s been up since 9am, it’s now 3pm and he hasn’t napped. I feel like a zombie, I’m bumping into walls and suffering from short term memory loss. I am absolutely at my wits end. And because he won’t sleep I can’t do any housework or have any time for myself, it’s utterly relentless and I’m losing my mind. I honestly don’t know what to do?

Help? DS has now been up for 12 hours with only a 20 min nap. I literally have no life beyond entertaining this child who never sleeps

No suggestions really just tea and sympathy. It's hard. The lack of sleep is absolute torture especially over a prolonged period.

Will he take a bottle? My DS took one bottle each night from his dad, that gave me 15 minutes to myself each night that I really, really needed. At 6months we gradually introduced more and more bottles and the care of him could be shared more easily.

Does he sleep in the car? Could he have a sore tummy? I can't think of anything else to suggest really, both of mine find it difficult to switch off and go for long periods without sleeping.

Btw I should say DS became an amazing sleeper at about 7.5/8 months and has done 12h a night since then. Your life comes back. Hang in there!

Poor you. The lack of sleep is the hardest part of them being young I think. I read somewhere that sleep = sleep so it would make sense that if he’s not napping then he’s not sleeping well at night. Have you tried a routine? I found that it helped my 7 month old with her naps and therefore bedtime became easier.

I can hardly claim to be an expert (my DD still hasn't slept through the night at 2 years and 3 months!) but I know when I was where you were I just wanted someone to tell me something I could try - so my suggestion would be to guess he is getting overtired hence it is taking so long to get him to nap.

At 6-9 months the ideal is 2-3 hours awake time between naps, and still 3 naps a day. So I would focus on trying to get him to nap 2 hours after he gets up. Do whatever he needs - my daughter needs motion so I have driven/walked/run many, many miles in the last 2 years. Maybe drive to a drive-thru and get a coffee! If you can get him to have an earlier nap, you might find the rest gets better naturally as sleep begets more sleep.

And I would focus on this for a couple of days and accept household standards slipping a bit - or ask for some help. I used to beat myself up thinking I should be able to do everything still, women have managed to have babies and "keep house" for millions of years, but a friend pointed out it used to be a village bringing up a child, not just individuals.

I hope some of that helps, you have my sympathy, sleep deprivation really is the worst.

No he won’t take a bottle. I once went out and got phoned to come home after 4 hours because he wouldn’t take the bottle I’d left for him. And that was the end of me ever having a break.

Have you tried expressed milk in a bottle? I would advise keep trying a bottle until he does accept and then you can get some help during the day and catch up on some sleep.
Life is so much worse with no sleep, even if you just manage to get one decent sleep I'm sure you'll feel loads better x

No he won’t take a bottle regardless of what’s in it. Expressed milk or formula. I haven’t tried to train him to take a bottle because I rarely have anyone who can take over anyway. DH is at work all day and sleeps on weeknights ready for work the next day.

I would keep trying a bottle otherwise it's always solely you and it sounds like you could do with a break atm. What about your parents/his parents?
Maybe a bottle would also allow you to see how much he is taking and if you can get him to have more maybe he'll sleep abit longer? Fingers crossed for you.

His parents live too far away. My parents are too old and arthritic to do more than tickle DS and make him giggle. No siblings nearby either. It’s just me and DH - and DH works so basically it’s just me.

I had a bottle refuser who needed motion to nap and was still feeding every couple of hours overnight, I wish I could suggest something but at 6 months is just bloody hard. I remember being afraid to drive after driving on autopilot and ending up most of the way to my office when I’d planned you go to the park. Around that kind of age I started to find I could walk him to sleep in the buggy then stop and sit down, which was amazing and even better when I could push him into the house and lie on the sofa for 20 minutes.
I know your DH is working and needs to sleep but he could take the baby for a couple of hours in the evening after dinner, out in the car if needed, somewhere you can’t hear him if nothing else while you sleep, one late night once in a while won’t do him any harm.
Once DC gets a few months older try a cup, we found DS would take a 360 cup as it didn’t have anything resembling a teat or spout but still very rarely expressed milk, he only really went for it once he was a year and could have fridge cold cows milk! You might have more success though.

You poor thing. Sleep deprivation really is horrific (DS2 was atrocious till nearly two). I agree with PP he sounds very overtired which is likely making things worse. Is the car an option for imposing naps? How are you determining when to try and get him to nap- are you looking for cues or are you leading it?

As regards getting a break, forget the bottle. He's six months: go straight to a cup. How is he with a sippy cup of water? How's he doing with solids? Perfectly ok to leave a breastfed baby for a few hours with solids and water. Doesn't solve the sleep but might buy you a few hours much needed respite.

I hear you, and massively empathise. My two sound like your DS, although they're older now.
First, remember that, however rough it is now, it will not last forever, even if it feels inconceivable that you will even make it through to the end of the day.
I do think that babies who nap definitely sleep better at night, and that the time between naps can be quite short; as a PP suggested as little as 2 hours. Once I figured this out, I would be out with DD in the buggy at 7.30 am, pushing for a nap, if she'd woken up for the day a couple of hours before. DD1 would only sleep when BFed to sleep or when in motion. Getting her to nap made a big difference to night time sleep.
People say 'Sleep when they're sleeping', and having initially ignored this sage advice, I started to really go for it once I cracked how to get DD to nap. I would get her in the car, drive around until she fell asleep and then quickly pull over and go to sleep myself (always carried a pillow and blanket in the passenger seat). Perhaps only for 35 mins, but it did make a difference.
Like you, I didn't have anyone who could really help on a regular basis as DP was very ill at the time. But I would drive two hours to my mum's every other weekend or so just to get a decent daytime nap or two every fortnight while my mum took DD out in the buggy. All those little snippets of sleep really help, one bit at a time. Is there any chance that your DP can steel himself and pop DS in the car / buggy and go off for a couple of hours on a Saturday and Sunday to give you a chance to nap in the day? Your DS becoming upset won't kill either of them, and if your DP is dad enough to withstand and perhaps even soothe away a few tears without ringing you for advice or worse; coming back home to return upset baby to its exhausted mother, (just Why?), then he should reasonably step up and do that. Sometimes I don't think spouses and partners 'get' that, until maternal sleep is sorted, nothing much good is going to come of anything. There is no point in hoping to have a 'nice day out with the family' on the weekend after a long week at work, if baby's mother is on her knees with sleep deprivation, it is obscene to even be thinking along those lines: mum's sleep is paramount. I used to at posters suggesting that the OP's DH / DP pulled their weight more, assuming that the OP had already drawn a massively disappointing blank with trying to elicit help from their partners with taking their babies while mum catches up on sleep, but I will still ask whether your DP has considered taking some annual leave to help you out? Putting on his big boy pants and calmly taking your DS out for a couple of hours at a time, twice a day (only bringing him home for a feed) just to give you time to chip away at that mountain of sleep debt you are carrying and perhaps some of the other things you feel you need to be getting on with. This is a very temporary phase, albeit months or even another year. It won't last. This grim drudgery won't go on forever, and on this basis, using up one's annual leave or every weekend until Christmas, really shouldn't be a massive deal, just the price of supporting one's partner feel as if they are not totally falling apart.

I feel for you, sleep deprivation is the worst. I agree with PP, he definitely seems overtired, and if you can face it, maybe chucking him in the car to enforce a sleep is good option for now.

How's the bedtime routine? What time do you try and put him to bed? I've found that tackling bedtime has been the easiest, and then getting my DS to nap which ever way I could until the nights were sorted. By which I mean, they were better - he doesn't sleep through but it's more than 90mins!

Perhaps look at his sleep environment too? How dark is his room out of 10? I've found an 8 or 9 has been best for my son. We also do two stories in the dark, loud white noise and a sleep sack to signal sleep time.

I listen to Little Z asleep Podcast, and she has some great tips that really saved my sanity.

You are not alone. I have been where you are. It won't always be like this.

You poor love, it is such a horrendous feeling.

We used an Amby nature nest which is a bit like a hammock on a frame and it was a great success with my kids. It helps them self soothe but you can also bounce them to sleep. It worked for our two.