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Sleep

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Original poster

Friend's 2 year old goes to bed very late

28 replies

aiyshalala · 14/08/2018 21:11

I'm looking for advice on if I should talk about this with my friend.

Her husband works shifts, sometimes nights, and she was working nights before having their daughter. I think they carried over the odd sleeping pattern to their daughter and I'm worried how it might make things difficult for her in future.

Her daughter has just turned 2 and my friend says she is going to bed most nights at 2am. She doesn't seem to see the problem with this. I just don't have an idea how this will work in the long run. For example when she goes to school.

Should I talk to her about it, or what would you suggest? My own son is 5 and I would never want him to go to sleep so late!

Thank you

OP posts:

starsinyourpies · 14/08/2018 21:11

None of your business. It's years until they go to school!

coffeecow · 14/08/2018 21:12

Mind your own business it has absolutely nothing at all to do with you!!

Pebblespony · 14/08/2018 21:13

I agree. Not your problem. Stay out of it.

Clairetree1 · 14/08/2018 21:14

nothing to do with you, what ever works for them is fien

Whatififall · 14/08/2018 21:15

Nope, keep out of it. If your friend is happy with that sleep pattern that’s their choice. They will obviously be aware that when their child starts school it won’t be suitable.

RamonaQuimbyage38 · 14/08/2018 21:16

It doesn't sound great.

But it's not really up to you to judge, and saying something to her is unlikely to do your friendship any good.

If she wants your opinion, she'll probably as you.

Matilda1981 · 14/08/2018 21:16

Definitely none of your business! If it works for them at the moment they won’t change it, things will probably naturally change when she gets into more of a routine with Pre-school/nursery and school

RamonaQuimbyage38 · 14/08/2018 21:16

ask

Theweasleytwins · 14/08/2018 21:18

I have a friend who has a toddler about that age- her day revolves around her dd so she goes to bed when tired- wouldnt work for me but works for her

MarklahMarklah · 14/08/2018 21:19

I suppose it depends how much sleep she's getting as to whether it's a concern, or just something that seems out of the ordinary.
My own DD is a terrible sleeper - it takes her ages to doze off. After a lot of trying, I've found it's pointless making her go to bed at an early time (similar to her peers) as she simply doesn't sleep. She still gets up for school in the morning. When she was younger she'd often go to sleep at 10pm/10.30 and wake at 2 for a good hour.
As stars says, school is a long way off, so unless it's having a negative effect on the child, then really it isn't your business.

RoboJesus · 14/08/2018 21:22

As long as she's getting the right amount of sleep at that age it really doesn't matter when she gets it. I'm sure they'll ease her in to a school time routine when it comes to it but that's years away.

SoyDora · 14/08/2018 21:25

Is she getting enough sleep overall? Mine (4 and 3) both need a solid 12 hours so wouldn’t be up until 2pm. My worry would be that she’s missing a lot of daylight hours and day time activities. It’s not really any of your business though, I’m sure they’ll adjust it when they have to.

TittyGolightly · 14/08/2018 21:26

Mine used to go to bed at midnight at 2. She wasn’t in bed before 11pm when she started full time school at 3.5. A week of tiredness and she self adjusted to a 9-9:30pm bedtime.

She’s excelling at school and all her hobbies.

Some kids are owls. Keep your beak out.

berylmeryl · 14/08/2018 21:30

Absolutely none of your business. My Dd goes between 1 and 2 needs 5 hours sleep and is up again early in the morning. She’s been checked by the paed and just has a short sleep cycle. Both her brothers and sister were the same.

AnnieOH1 · 14/08/2018 21:33

Provided it works for them I don't see what the issue is? They may even be looking at home education rather than sending to school in which case what you're saying won't be an issue at all will it?

ourkidmolly · 14/08/2018 21:35

Yes that's shit. 2am is way too late for a 2 year old no matter what nonsense people on here come out with. Nowt you can do about it though. You could just speak your mind but they'd probably think you're a nosy cow and be cheesed off.

Racecardriver · 14/08/2018 21:36

It doesn't matter if she is sleeping late enough. What do you think happens to toddlers when they move tone zones? It's really not a problem.

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 14/08/2018 21:37

What's better for the child. Knackered parents who get very little sleep as they are night owls but their dd gets up at 7, or, being in a routine that fits in with their family life but just doesn't fit in with your idea of what's appropriate.

holasoydora · 14/08/2018 21:39

My daughter is an owl. 2am is late even by her standards but at two years, 11pm was, ahem, normal. Not many of my friends understood 'the owl' when DD was little. It runs in our family so I knew it was fine. Mine also adjusts to a 9-10 bedtime during schoolweeks. I wouldn't say anything personally. Some two year olds are up for hours during the night instead (my DC2 was).

Sandsnake · 14/08/2018 21:48

It’s hard to know, as there may be decent underlying reasons behind it (sleep problems etc). But if the 2 year old needs an average amount of sleep - 12 hours or so at that age - then a 2am bedtime means up at around 2pm. Which leaves a much reduced opening for the out of the house stimulation she needs - you won’t find toddler groups on at that time (not that they’re mandatory but they tend to enjoy them), libraries / softplay will not too far off shutting. In the winter, there will only be two - three hours of daylight left.

That said, I doubt much good will come of you saying anything.

DieAntword · 14/08/2018 21:54

Night shift work in adults causes significant health issues but I guess it depends on the kids own circadian rythym and overall sleep pattern, not just bedtime. In some generally hot countries it’s normal for kids to sleep more in the day and wake up for the cooler evening hours when you can actually go out, then stay up very late, into the wee hours of the morning. So clearly it can’t be that physically damaging.

Original poster

aiyshalala · 14/08/2018 22:10

Thank you all.

My concern is I do think it is getting in the way of her doing activities now which worries me too. For example she has missed out on morning activities that my friend says are too early for them to get up for. Even one that starts at 11, she complained to me that it was too early and that there are none in the afternoon.

Even though most of you think it is a bad idea to talk about it, is there anything I could say to get her to think about it?

OP posts:

DieAntword · 14/08/2018 22:26

If she’s complaining about the lack of afternoon activities she’s aware that her sleep routine is an issue. I don’t think anything you say is going to be more convincing than actual inconvenience she is experiencing and if that hasn’t convinced her...

TittyGolightly · 15/08/2018 07:24

I disagree. We had similar issues with all activities being in the morning - DD used to sleep through them as a baby. I still took her though. She used to have a whale of a time playing with the other babies at lunchtime. No biggie.

Our society isn’t geared up for night owls. But there is also research showing that trying to force a sleeping pattern that isn’t in sync with owl tendencies can be damaging, especially for toddlers and teenagers as so much neural development happens during those times.

TittyGolightly · 15/08/2018 07:26

DD’s best friend, on the other hand, was up before 5am every morning. Her parents spent years trying to get her to sleep a bit later, to no avail. It’s just how she was wired.

It got them down that they could never do anything in the evenings because she needed to be asleep so much earlier than DD.

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