Can't do this anymore

[labyrinth]

My 8 month old DS has never been a good sleeper, but has gone through phases of sleeping for 3 hours between feeds and has had 1 or 2 4 hour stretches before.
He is currently in a very comfy travel cot next to our bed.
How do I know that it's comfy? Because I'm having to sleep in the damn thing with him!
He wakes every 20 mins-1 hour at the moment. Every 2 if I sleep in there with him.
He wakes screaming the house down and will only settle if I BF him back to sleep.
He doesn't have a dummy or comforter (always refused and hasn't become attached to anything)
My relationship is hanging on by a thread at the moment.
DP won't help with night wakings as he has to be at work in the morning (dangerous job so I sort of get it but fuck me it wouldn't hurt to help a mummy out!)
When DS is screaming like a banshee I have to try and sort him quickly or he'll wake DD(3) up as well as a grumpy DP.
I'm too much of a whimp to do CIO. We can't safely cosleep in the bed as DP is a smoker and a heavy sleeper and thrashes about a lot.
We don't have a spare bed or another room that I can sleep in with him.
I'm at my absolute wits end. Literally typing this from the travel cot where I have managed to break free from for approximately 20 mins since 21.00.
DS is cutting a tooth at the moment but has had Calpol and anbesol, he's never been this bad before.
Any helpful suggestions?

I remember those days well of sleeping in cot with my son. Really do feel for you right now. Have you tried a bottle with water in for night time. maybe a bowl of baby rice,porridge or something before bed to make sure he is full up? Also doing lots of activities to tire him out before bedtime making sure not to have a nap too late in afternoon aswell. Maybe a few nights setting up camp in living room and can leave him to cry to see if will settle himself without waking the whole house?

If I were you I’d be getting a floor bed/ mattress on the floor. I get the reasoning behind getting in the cot with him but if you’re going to bed share surely it’s better for you to be more comfortable. This can be moved around to living room if need be. I know it’s hard believe me, I have similar experience and DS would only settle on the boob and wouldn’t even entertain DP cuddling him in the night. Never been attached to anything despite my best efforts. If you don’t feel that sleep training is for you then you just need to do what you need to to get by and maximise rest. Can you nap with him during the day? Have you tried white noise? That was an absolute game changer for us. I understand your DP has dangerous job however I feel he should still be chipping in. I’m going to assume he doesn’t work 7 days so at the very least could help then. Or get up when baby gets up and you go back to bed for a few hours?

I also found ibruprohen was much better for teething than calpol

I know it’s hard when you’re so bloody tired but you’re doing a fantastic job. The fact you’re surviving when you’ve got another little one to look after makes you a total rockstar. I don’t think I’d have been able to cope!

Hi, I've got an 8 month old too who has trouble sleeping. Wake ups can be every 3 hours, but we've had one 6 hour one (heaven), and the odd 5 hour...

I really feel your pain and struggle with the inconsistent wake ups.

My DD was in our bed until 5.5 months waking hourly and I was about to throw myself off a bridge. It is of course your choice but sleep training saved us. It was hard but she at least now goes in her own bed and sleeps a bit longer than hourly.

I know you don't want to wake up the house but it might only take a few days so could your DH take a day or two off at the weekend so you can do it then, maybe send your other DCs to a relative for the weekend?
It is totally your choice though as sleep training isn't for everyone. You know your family best.

But just bear in mind the airplane parenting example. When the air masks hang down on a plane, you are told to put the mask on you before your child, because if you pass out before you put the mask on the child you both die... to be the best mummy you need to make sure you are as ok as you can be.

That said, 8 months can be tricky to sleep train as lots of development stuff going on and the start of separation anxiety... I'm sorry there's no magical answer, we're all just muddling through with these tricky sleepers but don't feel like you are on your own. You're doing a great job.

Could you get what of those cot things that attaches to the side of your bed? Then gradually sort of move further and further away to help encourage longer sleeping??

There is a sleep regression at that age so a lot of this is developmental and if you can ride it out, it'll get better on its own- it has (a bit) for us.

@Catheroooo hi which sleep train book did you use?

Hi.. It was Sleep Sense... but it's controlled crying essentially. But she writes some good theory behind it