Newborn sleepless nights - when do we create habits?

[Jojonewmaman]

My first baby is under a week old so obviously still new to everything and quite unsettled. I’m breastfeeding and still struggling with it but baby is wetting and dirtying plenty nappies. He will only fall asleep on us and and screams when put in the Moses basket.
I am not expecting to be able to put a new baby in a routine, and am ready with all the cuddles and contact he needs, I am just a very new mum wondering if anyone has any tips for settiling the youngest of babies and if anyone can tell me if at this stage we are starting a habit for ourselves by allowing baby to self settle on the breast? We have been on and off feeding for almost six hours tonight.
TIA parents.

I’m sure someone will be along to tell you in a moment that you can’t put a new baby on a routine and there’s nothing wrong with feeding to sleep (except losing your sanity but I digress..).
Does baby get a dummy or are you against that? What about swaddling?
My newborn DS started out only wanting to be held to sleep but I couldn’t do that without going crazy so now he sleeps in the basket, cot or in his wrap. But I use a dummy and very tight swaddle, white noise/shushing and patting when he’s put down in the crib. Now he’s used to it and goes right to sleep.

Forgot to say my DS is on a routine. I was a newborn nanny for years and always put them on 2.5-3hour routine though I see from mumsnet that that isn’t very British to do apparently.
DS sleeps 45-90 minutes (usually 90), wakes and feeds for 15-30min, stares at us for 15-30min and then I spend 5-10 min getting him ready for nap. If he whines in between feeds I offer the dummy. Some people think it’s harsh not to feed them, but he seemed to just want to comfort suck and then would take a whole feed at 2.5 hours rather than just cluster feed endlessly. He will cluster feed in the evening when he’s going through a growth spurt though.

Thanks so much for your reply. I haven’t considered a dummy yet, we weren’t sure if they were advisable before 1 month? There is so much different advice out there it is hard to know what to follow. Routine is still widely talked about and is something babies will have to follow eventually but I’m not sure how early and when we start creating a rod for own backs.

I have a newborn so I’m following with interest. My instinct told me that all ‘hats were off’ for the first few weeks. Your baby is getting over the shock of being born, and acclimatising to a very strange new environment.
But I’m interested to hear people’s opinions re: when habits are formed and learn from experiences. I definitely would like to establish a routine but I don’t know when that is possible..

My baby is 18 weeks and she's just got herself into a routine within the last 3-4 weeks.

The first few weeks are hard. There's no routine. You just do what baby needs, whenever they need it. I found white noise helpful in the early days. Still using it now. My co sleeper cot is a god send. They eventually learn that being in their cot isn't so bad. Remember baby has been cocooned in a lovely warm bath for the last 9 months. It takes a while for them yo adjust to a new setting and not being with you all the time.

Eventually you will start to see patterns in naps and feedings but don't try too early. It just makes it too stressful. Baby will sort itself out.

However I always found it useful to get baby up, top and tail them and new clothes every morning, and same at night then into swaddle or sleeping bag so that always signaled bedtime from day 1. That seems to have helped mine recognise day and night!

Good luck!

I could have wrote this post myself. 5dY old DD will only sleep when held which is leading us to incredibly anxious bedtime because we are concerned with cosleelping and want the comfort of knowing she's in her own sleep environment. She just will not settle! We are concerned we've already allowed a habit to be formed by cuddling to sleep. I hope this thread can reassure us!

Baby is 6 weeks old and still won't settle. He cluster feeds. He also seems to think daytime is nightie and only sleeps properly during the early evening.
They do develop a routine even if it isn't one you'd prefer! I'm hoping he will get better and i might get more than cat naps soon

There's no such thing as spoiling them this early on. My midwife and health visitor both said that. You have to go with the flow at first. They will eventually settle. Don't have too high expectations. Try and enjoy it. Take it in turns to sit up with sleeping baby and let other parent sleep.

I've been feeding and cuddling my baby to sleep since day one. She now sleeps well in her cot for decent periods and has a good routine. It mostly happened nature. Don't sweat it!

It's so important to give them lots and lots of close physical contact at that age - in fact for another few months. Also routines can mess up breastfeeding - it's best to always feed on demand. All that talk of routines, self-settling will just make you feel more under pressure but is not actually what's best for your baby. Follow your instincts

Just looking down at dc2 - now 6 months. The first 3-4 weeks she slept all day and was up all night. Those first couple of months go in a blur. I fed on demand and gradually a routine was created and everything fell into place. Just take each day as it comes.

Thanks for the replies, all of them are really helpful. It feels right to feed on demand right now and it’s reassuring to know we’re definitely not alone!
Another thing, baby uses his hands a lot to selfsoothe, which I know is a feeding cue and will feed when he starts however I do think he is using it as a comfort when he has a bit of wind (he has a tongue tie) and sometimes when frustrated at the breast he plays wit mhvthem making feeding a little harder. Any tips? Thanks!

I'm still feeding on demand at 13.5 mo.
It is more than just feeding it is comfort too. Is the tongue tie being dealt with? WHo diagnosed?

Plus having to work harder to feed and still establishing supply.

We had a rough routine around 3 mo. Then sleep regression and teething. Then a new routine. Then repeat. Different routine now. Still responsive to him though

Oh, meant to say google 4th trimester.

Humans are really not ready to be born until 3 mo and it's a huge change from dark, warm, muffled, heartbeat sounds, liquid to outside, light, variable, loud

Get the tongue tie cut or at least consult an ICBLS for advice. My son had a tongue tie and he was always feeding until it was cut, simply because his suck was inefficient.

I have a 11 week old. He had tongue tie and was absolute awful. Feed on demand, didn't take the milk very well so was hungry and only slept on me. He had his tongue tie cut about 5 weeks ago and and he is a different baby!!! He is now in a routine (has his last feed at 9pm) so be patient and keep doing what you are doing.

You don't need to worry for the first 12 weeks (4th trimester). Lots of cuddles, feeds, sling wearing reduces crying.
They change so much at the beginning

One of the best pieces of advice I ever took was to get my DD into a 7-7 routine, so no matter what sleep we had overnight I'd set my alarm and we'd get up and start the day at 7am, by 7pm she'd be bathed, fed, in Moses basket. I found that patting her back and slightly rocking her and then gradually decreasing the rock and pat until she was asleep worked. I can still do that to her now at 8 years and she drops off!

It was bloody tough at times but it meant that whilst other mums never had an evening to themselves and were up with their babies until 10pm I always had time to just stop.

I think it's what kept me sane. I don't know if I was just very lucky that DD would oblige and fall into that routine (never had another baby to compare) but it really worked for me.

I’m deliberately not RTFT but with two decent sleepers under my belt, both of which needed to be on a pretty fixed three hourly feeding routine on leaving hospital you can attempt one I think quite early on BUT for us it wasn’t until 7/8 weeks that we felt in the swing of things. That’s when both of ours slept 11-7 for the first time.

I think your little one is still so very new that a routine may be a way off yet. I really don't think you can create bad habits when they are so young. Having said that I was repeatedly told that it isn't possible to create bad habits in babies before they reach 6 months old, I don't know how much stock I place in this though.
When you're in the throws of the newborn stage all you can do is follow your babies cues and although you may think you will never establish a routine, more often than not, you finding yourselves falling into one.

Pacifiers are perfectly fine from birth, the hospital gave my poorly baby one in hospital to sooth him at two days old.

Forget any notion of bad habits too, just scratch that, and I say that as a big fan of GF and Supernannny.

Neither of mine were capable of a routine until 3-4 months old. I’m pretty strict on nap and bedtime but some things just take a bit of time. Fourth trimester and all that. At one week it’s pointless in my opinion.

Thanks for all the replies, I have been on another planet the last couple of days. I’ve read a bit about fourth trimester which is interesting. It was the community midwives who spotted the tongue tie at 5 days. He has been referred but apparently it may take a while until we are seen. I keep thinking about formula feeding, a complete switch or combi but it’s reassuring to know that the procedure can help make a big difference.