11 month EBF and co-sleeping - criticism and pressure to stop- HELP

[Charlotteandlola]

Hi everyone, this is my first post here and hope to gain some useful insight.

My baby is 11.5 months and has always been exclusively breastfed and would never take a dummy.

From the day she was born the Moses and the cot sent her into meltdown and the only way to get her to sleep and sleep myself was so have her sleep on me in the day and next to me in a sleepyhead at night- even the sleepyhead was a problem some nights and she just slept next to me. I did an awful lot of reading on co sleeping and had to make the decision based on survival as a single mum with no support.

I had always aimed to get her into a cot but something was always stopping us, 4 month regression, teething blablabla.

She is 11.5 months now and still in my bed, she goes bloody mental if I put her down in a cot- awake or asleep. I go to bed with her usually because otherwise she wakes up every 15 minutes (on a bad day) crying for me. If I’m in bed with her she will wake up and cry for me to latch on for comfort then settle straight back to sleep. Something I do struggle with is that at times she wants to just sleep latched on and when I try to move she wakes up and we have to repeat the cycle over again until she’s asleep properly and lets me go. I know it’s not feeding and it’s a comfort thing which some may see as a problem, I see it as what my boobs purpose are for my baby; comfort and food.

I’m facing serious pressure from friends and family, telling me my child knows know boundaries, if I don’t do something now I’ll never be able to, she will sleep in my bed and be breastfeeding forever etcetc. I’m of the theory that there’s no way a cave woman would have put her baby away from her to sleep but have been made to feel so worried about the future I’ve looked into gradual retreat. In some respects I want to be able to sleep a full night sleep sprawled out in my own bed and I am exhausted by this but in reality I love sleeping with her, and I don’t see how I’d ever get her in a cot for the first part of the night let alone then getting her back to sleep in there for the rest of the night.

We tried gradual retreat the other night and I sat by her cot with my hand in her, patting and ssshing and singing with lullabies while she was hysterical. It got to the point where she was struggling to breathe and almost sick and I said nah, sorry I’m not having this- latched her on got in bed and she went to sleep- exhausted. Just did not seem worth the distress but am I wrong?. I just don’t think that is going to work for my baby who has never gone to sleep without being on me or feeding, unless in a car or pram.

I guess my questions are:

Keeping her sleeping in my bed, will she eventually stop waking as much to latch on/feed

Will I end up with a baby/toddler who has “no respect” for me or “boundaries” and runs circles around me thinking she’s the boss as I’m being told she will...

Will she ever get to an place as I have hoped, where she understands bedtime and that she will eventually sleep in a cot no qualms (or less qualms even) because she gets that it’s bedtime and mummy is still going to be there when she wakes up etc.

How am I ever going to stop breastfeeding when this is the only way my daughter will go to sleep day or night, and return to sleep at night? I don’t want to feed her THAT much longer, I think 1.5 years is about my limit -despite saying I’d stop when she got teeth before having her

I know I’ve written this badly, there’s so much to it but hoping someone catches my drift!

Any advice/experiences from people who have co-slept and breastfed exclusively on any of this would be super appreciated. Thank you.

I've co slept with all 4 of mine- until they were happy to go into a bed- when they were about 18 months and old enough to get excited about a 'big girl/boy' bed. None of them are entitled brats. 3 are now adults and all have healthy relationships and are employed in decent jobs.
My 5 year old occasionally comes into our bed now- nightmares etc.
You do what you want with your child.

That reads more harshly than I meant it! Sorry.

Just enjoy your co-sleeping time. They are a long time grown up.

Exclusively breastfeeding means she is exclusively breastfeeding for her nourishment and not on solids yet- if you’re still exclusively breastfeeding at 11 months then yes I do think it’s time to introduce solids as iron stores will be depleted and she needs a varied diet at that age (with breastmilk making up a part of that but not all of it).

As for co sleeping and feeding to sleep, it won’t damage your child at all. She will learn to self settle and she will reach an age she doesn’t want to breastfeed or co sleep anymore. You can keep doing it until she’s done, you can keep doing it until you’re done. It’s no one else’s business and they should be keeping their opinions to themselves! You’re in charge here do what makes you happy.

I'm in your camp OP, cosleeping to me seems much more natural than putting them in another room with a cot and baby monitor (NO judgement, I have friends who this worked a dream for, but not for me!).

Both mine breastfed to sleep and coslept. DC1 till 2.5 when he went immediately into a cot all night, no problems. DC2 still only 1 but I will do the same as with our first. If you are happy with the current setup that's all that matters and bollocks to everyone else.

Wow, I’m overwhelmed by all of the replies to my post, thank you all for taking the time to reassure me. A lot of you have said exactly what I already think and feel, and I believe instinct is the only thing you can follow as a mother- it’s just hard to be so sure you’re doing the right thing when you’re a first time mum and constantly being told you’re doing it wrong and making a rod. I shall continue to do what’s best for us both to be calm and get rest, and take solace in the fact that she won’t always be this little and need me like this forever.
I guess I’ve worried about being “abnormal” (although I know there’s no real “normal”) and causing her issues later on, to hear it’s common for mattresses on the floor and all the things you’ve said is a huge relief.

My baby is such a happy and extremely healthy little (chunky!) thing the majority of the time - I guess I must be doing something right!!

Thank you all for your time and comments I really appreciate it. Xx

Honestly OP it won’t end here, everyone (usually people who aren’t parents) seems to have an opinion about how other people should be raising their kids.

My eldest is 3 but I went against the grain and didn’t enroll him into pre-school as soon as he got the 15 free hours a week. He will be starting in September (turns 4 in Dec) but we decided as I was home with his baby brother anyway it would be nice to make some memories the three of us before starting the school conveyor belt. NOTHING against pre-school and everything to do with what works for us personally. You wouldn’t believe the backlash I’ve had for it! How much I’m damaging him etc. I won’t turn his into a boast but I’m very confident he hasn’t been affected negatively by this decision one bit!

If it’s not sleep it’s something else. What car seat you’ve chosen, what snacks you offer, what school you’ve chosen, whether you work part time, full time, at home, out the home, you’re a stay at home mum, you don’t drive, how many bedrooms you have etc it’s all bollocks! Learn to IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE!