How do I deal with this?

[marialuisa]

DD is 3y5m and has always been a very good sleeper which is handy because DH and I are dreadful if we don't get enough sleep.

She has been going to a childminder since the school hols started and her dislike of going there has now got to the point where she is consistently waking in the night crying that she doesn't want to go etc. There are no serious concerns, she just doesn't like the environment very much and has clicked that whilst all big girls go to school, not all big girls have to go to a childminder in the holidays. After the summer hols finish she will not go there again as we plan to use our holiday allowance and a holiday club.

However there are 2.5 weeks left and i will only be able to take another 4 days off. DH cannot be relied upon to take any. She will HAVE to go to the childminder and DD and I need some sleep. so what do I do when she wales up crying? i've tried having her in my bed but it's a disaster, i've tried calming her but she wakes again within 30 mins. She knows she needs to sleep and the first thing she says in the morning is "sorry for shouting in the night". Every night she promises not to shout but I think at 3a.m. it just overwhelms her. Out of desperation I tried CC last night-she carried on for 3 hours and we all overslept, god knows what the neighbours thought. Does anyone have any idea what I should do? Is it worth continuing with CC for the sake of sleep (even though I think it's just too cruel in the circs)?

Sorry for the long post!

I wouldn't personally leave her to cry in the night any more as she is clearly very upset and frightened in the night. Without wanting to freak you out at all, I suppose you are certain there are no other problems with the childminder Do you have any relatives who could help to reduce the number of days there? Also, have you asked her what she would consider a good solution? eg tell her 'mummy and daddy have to go to work so what can we do to make you happy at X's house?' - maybe if you took your four days off so she only did three days at the childminder it might help her, esp if you planned a treat for the non-childminder days. This 'solve it yourself' approach sometimes works well with ds who is younger than your dd.

Also maybe a star chart showing how many days are left (not many with w/es and you taking a few more days off) and a reward for not crying out at night?

Aloha-thanks for replying. We only deal with my family and they are over 300 miles away! I'm 95% sure there are no other issues with the cm (aside from her feeding DD crap!) I think we just have to accept that our very easy-going DD has got to the end of her tether. DD is desperate to go back to school. I'm contemplating requesting some unpaid leave, unfortunately my employers aren't exactly forward thinking.

Beleive me, I do know how horrible this is. Ds got very upset about his nursery and sobbed when he went and was sobbing when I went to pick him up, so we took him out. It was hideous. I'm serious about asking your dd what would make her happy/feel better. She sounds a clever and mature girl and she might be able to think up a solution in conjunction with you to get through these last few weeks more calmly. Good luck.

OH dear this sounds awful, your poor poor DD.

I think that horrid as it is to think about that there must be something going on which you do not know about. How can you be so sure that nothing is happening that you do not know about.

If it were me (and I know that I am in the fortunate position of not having to worry too much about money) I would get straight on to a couple of local nanny agencies and arrange for a temporary nanny to start tomorrow!

I really don't think this sounds at all normal, it is way beyond normal separation anxiety and I think you need to take it very seriously!

i think i'm sure there's nothing untoward because DD is happy to go in and hapy to be picked up. Also when she first went in February half-term there was some minor bullying by a couple of older kids (MN opinion at the time was that DD needed to toughen up) and DD is very open. There is no way she would not tell-it's just not her nature.

i've now bullied DH into agreing to take a few half days so she'll only go mornings (this was one of DD's spontaneously offered solutions) and i'm trying to catch my boss so that i'll be able to do the same and take it as unpaid leave.

Believe me, I'm taking this very seriously, DD is SO easy-going and acepting that even a reaction with half the impact of this would have me in a panic. unfortunately I can't just say stuff work (not least becasue I have to give 3 months notice!).

Can only hope that the reduction in time at CM's will ease her mind. i'm sat here like a zombie and just want to go and get her!

Sorry marialuisa - it sounded harsher than I meant it to

I just think that for a child to be waking up regularly in the night worrying about something, then irrespective of whether an adult would perceive something as a problem, she clearly does.

Other than your DH taking some time off do you have any other options.

Would work go spare if you asked for more time off, or is that a big no no?

I really do feel for you - my DD was very unhappy in her first term at school and it really tore me apart to see her so upset. But at the end of the day, you can only do what you can do...
so don't beat yourself up too much!

It's great when they come up with their own ideas isn't it? So pleased you might be able to sort this with the half day idea.

Cheers aloha! feel much better as boss has basically told me to do what I need to (his wife gave up work to look after their grandsons so he's fantastic, things are only rubbish at an institutional level!).

So, hopefully this will solve the sleep crisis and I won't repeat last night's hell/

Great! And what a nice thing to discover your boss is actually human. It's so horrible when your child is distressed over childcare isn't it? I've been there and know exactly how you've been feeling.