Newborn sleeping

[Rockinrobin2018]

So, I’m typing his in disparation. It’s 2am and our 4 day old (now 5) has been howling on and off since 9pm. She’s been fed, burped, temp is fine, and nappy is clean. Even tried white noise music! Oh and a dummy works for a short while. She mostly quietens down in my arms but after 20 mins in the Moses basket begins again! She never did this in the hospital and it’s driving me and my wife despair. My wife had a very bad post labour bleed losing nearly 3 litres of blood and I’m exhausted from having very little sleep, doing a lot of the feeding and nappies as my wife’s is too sore to pick her up and also trying to run my business to keep the money coming in.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I have swaddled her too and that didn’t work. Well it did last night but not tonight! I have a feeling she may be constipated.

Does she seem uncomfortable? Is she making any unusual noises ? Is she moving around at all ?

Try a bath and rub belly in clockwise direction then after every 7 rubs gently push her legs up towards her chest

Very unlikely she is constipation. Maybe wind or just normal new born behaviour! She's spend 9 months being cocooned in your wives tummy, safe, cosy, and protected. Now suddenly you're forcing her to sleep alone in essentially a box with no cocooning, no squishy warm water, no constant soothing heart beat! She's a tiny baby. Just give her time. One of you go to sleep, the other sit up wit her and take it in turns.

This is will soon pass.

Oh also if it’s an ongoing problem make her bed smell like you so it’s more appealing she’s slightly less likely to reject it then - just sleep with a bit of bedding

I know that it is exhausting but your baby is literally just out of the womb. She’s spent 9 months being warm and secure next to her mum and now has to adjust to the world. DS was the same he didn’t move barely for the 2 days we spend in hospital before bringing him home but he cerainly woke up when we were home.

It’s hard, but it’s normal behaviour, she has literally no concept of day and night, time or when she should be sleeping. If she’s not settling on her own let her sleep on you. Are you bottle feeding? If so you can take it in turns/shifts. Or if your okay with cosleeping you could try that. Worked wonders with DS. The early days are tough, it’s the reality I’m afraid but it will pass. I’m the mean time so what works, make life as easy as you can and google the 4th trimester!

Congrats

These helped me get my baby to sleep, the 5 S's

www.happiestbaby.com/blogs/blog/the-5-s-s-for-soothing-babies

Your baby is not designed to sleep through the night, they have a tiny stomach and want their life to be womb-like for a while. You will be purely surviving so as a family need to find a way to manage this: take it in shifts between you and give each other a lay-in when you can. Cook easy dinners or get family to bring food. Housework can be neglected.

Congratulations on your baby

Thanks everyone.

I don’t expect her to sleep through the night, but crying for several hours is alarming when she’s virtually never cried at all so far! She thrusts her arms and legs well when she’s in a full blown cry.

Read up on the fourth trimester at that age it doesn't have to be something is wrong she's gone from the womb to the hospital to home. Your midwife should be visiting daily still so speak to then when try come today. Congratulations on you baby though.

Try swaddling. It worked really well for us in the early days.

Oh just to add, my DD didn't like her arms covered so maybe just try and wrap the blanket around the baby with the arms out.

As PP touched on: look up the 5 Ss

If she doesn't want to be put down don't put her down. Let her sleep on you. It's normal baby behaviour. Take it in shifts or look into safe cosleeping.

Although I think this is very normal, it doesn’t make it any easier for you two!

All babies are totally different and what works for one often won’t for another, and what works one day might not the next! Mine is a bit older now and has never been a great sleeper (and often terrible!) but it does mean I’ve had the opportunity to learn and try a lot!

Depending on your baby’s size, I would try getting a Grosnug (by Grobag). The “light” version would be suitable for the hot nights we’ve had (their website does a handy guide for what to wear at what temp - can be just a nappy.)

The beauty of this is that you can put arms in or out with poppers and the legs are relatively free. A sleeping bag also means you can transition from arms to basket relatively seamlessly, and it’s even safer than cellular blankets.

Then download the SoundSleeper app on your phone (its free up to 30 mins of sound - if it works the full app for unlimited play is a few quid I think). It beats YouTube because you can leave it on but still use your phone! For a lot of babies the sound needs to be louder at first than you would expect - the womb is very noisy apparently. I start mine at max phone volume.

Aim for a max awake time of 1-1.5 hours at first and let her sleep on you if needed at first. Get a great book or series on Netflix so it’s reasonably pleasant (I think this is actually quite important)

You may find you can then start to put her down using loud white noise and arms in Grosnug.

It sounds like shifts with your wife will be the best way to get through when she is able - eg you could do 7pm - 12am while she sleeps and she can take over 12am-7am while you sleep ideally elsewhere and with earplugs. At first it’s nice to muddle through together for support but if you can’t take time off you will need sleep and shifts make more sense.

I think it’s key to agree shifts in advance if you can - my DH luckily had paternity leave so would take her all morning for the first week and bring her to me for feeds. It meant that being up all night (with my kindle book!) wasn’t so bad because I knew I could sleep in the morning.

Microwave meals are fine - try to get relatively healthy ones and otherwise eat as well as you can, it will make you feel better overall. That said, if only chocolate ice cream can get you through this then go for it as well! Whatever it takes 😊

Good luck!

@Rockinrobin2018 my heart goes out to you. Firstly,congratulations on your daughter! I’m sorry to hear about your wife’s birth complications; that must have been very traumatic for you both. I hope that she is getting good aftercare and is on the road to recovery.

I have a four month old so what you are describing is still quite fresh in my mind. It’s very disconcerting when the baby goes from being quite sleepy in the hospital to suddenly crying for large parts of the day and night.

And it sounds very difficult taking on a lot of the care on top of having to work as well. It’s brutal and I know it feels impossible but you will get through this.

A few ideas:

• if your baby is being formula fed do you have any supportive friends or family who can hold and feed the baby for a couple of hours to give you a break?
• have you or your wife tried having some skin to skin with the baby? This can help calm them down.
• can you get a fabric sling? This will allow the baby to stay close to you while at least keeping your hands free (doesn’t allow you to sleep I know but just being able to get some food and drink down you will help a little). You can hire from a sling library or buy second hand very cheaply- try Facebook.

What’s making you think she might be constipated?

I was thinking she was constipated as she’s had a couple of large feeds and no real dirty nappy since yesterday afternoon! Only a couple of small mustard poops.

Small mustard poos are normal. Is baby breastfed?

No bottle fed on cow and gate,

If baby is pooing even in small quantities and poos are soft, it's probably not constipation. Is she actually crying continuously in your arms, or only when she's put down?

Totally normal I’m afraid. I’m on week 8 now and it’s not gotten too much better. I had an emergency c section and lost a lot of blood so I co slept with my baby when I couldn’t get up much. Look into safe co sleeping. A cocoonababy redcastle nest is literally my best friend. It hugs him as he sleeps and it’s safe to put next to me in bed, it’s also good for reflux- pricey though so try Shpock or EBay I got mine for £30 :)
me and me and my partner also took the nights in 3 hour shifts. They just need time and lots of cuddles. Good luck from a fellow exhausted newbee

Last night she was crying in my arms and put down, not so much when in my arms but still rather alarming at 1am. She hasn’t had a stool since about midnight and that was a small one.

If you're worried about the milk I've hear Hipp Organic is really good for constipation/wind problems along with the Dr Brown's bottles. I also co slept until about 3 months at which point DS didn't want to anymore 😢. Sleepyhead worked very well for us in the cot. Good luck, newborn days were very hard for me

I know your not supposed to these days but I give my baby tiny drops of boiled (and cooled obviously) water (I’m talking tiny) which helps get things moving. Also Gripe Water which he loves but you can only use that from 4 weeks onwards.

Mine was like this. Grunted and strained all night. Couldn't put her down. Infacol, cow and gate comfort and swaddling has her sleeping in 5 hour stretches. She's now 4 weeks.

Don’t underestimate the amount of burping needed. I did A LOT of cuddling, bouncing, leg cycles, tummy rubs, back pats. The wind kept coming and coming - as little ‘smiles’ rather than satisfying loud burps. Also the amount of sleep they need is huge (difficult when they’re being kept awake by painful wind).