I really need advice. My 3 yr old DD fights sleep. She has ever since she out grew her carrycot really. My husband hates sleep and has lots of anxiety around it so when she was a baby he would never put her down unless she was completely unconscious and half the time I just fell asleep bfing her anyway so we often coslept and fed to sleep. I had oversupply so breastfeeding was quite difficult during the day but seemed to work better at night so she fed for 40mins-1.5hrs four times a night. I stopped breast feeding at night when she was 18months. Now I only BF her once, first thing in the morning when she wakes up (she normally climbs into bed with us at some point in the night - or I carry her in when she wakes up and she starts asking to breastfeed from 5am often although I won't do it until 6am). I want to stop but don't know how to approach it. I will also miss it too. She now sleeps in her own bed in her own room and initially when she moved in there she went to sleep by herself but for about a year we have just succumbed to lying down with her until she goes to sleep. It takes forever as she appears to hate relaxing and I feel awful that I can't seem to teach her that its ok. I feel that I am failing as a mother. She is so clever but SO exhausted all the time. When she starts to get tired its like she speeds up rather than winds down and is just a clearly over tired child all the time. I don't know how to help her. She more readily naps at nursery than at home and I think I have been so stressed about this issue for so long she has really picked up on it.
For the last week we have been tucking her in at night and then leaving and going back in every so often to reassure and settle her. It's probably working ok but I struggle so much with letting her cry that my nerves are shot.
I just want to be able to help her relax and I don't know how. I wonder if by still breastfeeding I am taking away her ability to self sooth? And how on earth do I reduce my own anxiety about all this so I can act like a normal human being. And has anyone got any ideas about helping her relax - walking with her in the pram used to work but she has always HOWLeD if i sang lullabies (everyone's a critic) so I used to recite poems instead - she will howl at that too if she is cottons on to what I am up to. Ultimately I don't want to be tricking her into sleeping but helping her see it is safe to let go.
So sorry for the length - thank you if you have managed to read this!