Controlling baby's naps - how people actually do this?

[saratustra]

Just really... dd is almost 5 months, not sleeping through but waking up twice for a quick feed (sometimes once, joy!), going to bed at 7pm or so consistently - but waking up for the day at random times everyday, sometimes VERY early (4.45 today ).
She tends to nap ok during the day, around 3-4 hours spread in 3 naps.

I keep reading theories about how to push waking up times by controlling timing or length of naps, but how is that actually possible? She stays awake for 2 hours between naps, no matter what. I can't make her sleep before those 2 hours and I can't keep her awake if she doesn't want to be awake - she starts screaming every day, every time when that 2 hour mark approaches. The only thing I can do is wake her up before she does, but that has never made a difference.

DP says I should stop trying to "shape" things and just go with the flow, and things will change naturally. But I'm sooo tired!
Do you actually find controlling naps has a real effect on waking times and how do you do it??

Thanks so much xx

I had an early waker controlling naps never made any difference whatsoever. Have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution OP? From what I remember there’s a section on early waking

Thank you @JiltedJohnsJulie , I have not! But will definitely check it out. Willing to try anything! I know her sleeping is quite good but waking up and seeing a 4 or a 5 in the clock... not nice.

Sorry, I'm not sure I'm not understanding this right - you want to keep her up longer than two hours? Or you want her to sleep longer? I'm struggling to work out the issue here.

My DD's routine at 5-6 months was that she was up for two hours at a time and had three naps of 1.5 hours, 1.5 hours and 45 minutes respectively.

But if she was tired early, I put her to bed early. Equally, if I found she was difficult to settle for a particular nap, I'd push that one out by 15 minutes the next time.

I think by 7 months we were on the 2,3,4 routine (awake 2 hours, then 3, then 4). That's because she would always settle quickly for her first nap, but the later ones got harder and so kept getting pushed back (with the third nap getting shorter and shorter until I just dropped it).

I'm not sure if that helps?

I think DP is right to say "go with the flow" - there is lots of nap transitioning in the first year. Mine dropped her morning nap around 15 months and has been on one set nap for 7 months now - easy peasy! - although I suspect we might need to shorten that one too very soon.

Cross post, I've just seen it's the early waking you're asking about. Anything earlier than 6 I treated as night waking, ie I kept the lights dim and didn't talk or make eye contact. I remember a few mornings that were a grey area as they started at 5.30 - I'd do the same and then flick the lights on and say good morning if she was still looking very alert and wakeful at 6. I wouldn't let her nap before 8 either. It was hard work distracting her enough until then (tours of the house - "Ooh look, what's in the fridge TODAY?!" - were sadly common) but I found she stopped doing that pretty sharpish. I'm not sure if that was because of my method or just coincidence and/or luck, but it may help.

@Limpshade what I mean is I read a lot of advice on how changing naps make babies wake up later in the morning, e.g., they say I should push back her first nap of the day as if they have that first nap too early they will use it as "night sleep catch-up", perpetuating the early waking.

They also say that first nap should be shorter and the mid-day one longer, plus a catnap in the late afternoon but waking up before 5, etc.. just examples! What I mean is people seem to be able to "design" babies' nap schedule, as this is supposed to help night sleep issues, but I find that impossible to do.

I guess I just have to relax...

Crossed post :)
Thank you! I try but when she is tired there's no distracting - she just screams... :(

Ah, gotcha. Yes I always pushed out that first nap as long as I could but it's tough I know.

Honestly the thing with naps is that just when you think you've got it "right" then they change again, so try not to get too bogged down.

I always capped the first nap at 1.5 hours but that was more to do with my own routine rather than hers as if I didn't do that she wouldn't really nap the rest of the day and I wanted to get myself a lunch break IYSWIM. So if you're not fussed I'd just go with it.

My son (just under 4 months) also used to wake up really early. What I did when that happened was put him between us in the bed with one hand on him. Often the change of position and the closeness to us was all he needed to go back to sleep again until a more reasonable time.

Regarding naps, we don't try to control them - I'm not sure how that would work - but we have learnt to avoid screaming at naptime by watching for signs of tiredness and then winding down for 15-30 mins or so before putting him to sleep.

He now wakes up around 7am, has 3 or 4 naps of varying length during the day (previously up to 3 hours, recently as little as 40 mins), then goes to bed at 7pm, waking twice at night to feed. I think this is probably the best we can hope for for the time being.

I used to put DC to sleep about 6.30/7pm and wake him to give him a ‘late feed’ at about 10.30. I’d keep the lights low and quiet for it and he’d guzzle it and go straight back off and this would see him through to morning 6.30/7. I did this until 8 months I think. He was mix fed to begin with by expressing but bottle fed by 10 weeks. Breastfeeding will be different.

Thank you @OrangeCarpet
She was mix fed, ff now (for the last 4 weeks or so). She sometimes wakes up at 23 - midnight for a feed but I should probably wake her up when she doesn't... it feels wrong to wake her up but I think it's the only way! Last night she only woke up at 4am, had a 180ml bottle and slept for 3 more hours - bliss!! Fingers crossed she will do this often.. I remember the days when 7am was an early start lol

Yeah 4.45 isn't the morning as far as I'm concerned! Like a PP I always treated that as night waking, which meant no coming out of her room, no lights on, feed if necessary, change if necessary, back to bed. I kept this up until she learnt that 7am was reasonable!

I got mine into routines early though, which saved my sanity but isn't always popular on here.

@IHeartKingThistle only problem is she is still in our bedroom and when she is awake I try to take her out of the room as soon as possible so DP can sleep a bit more (on week days). She is moving to her own room soon though, so I can do the same as you and she can fuss for a bit if she wakes up too early

Thanks all again!

Oh that does make it more difficult! Sounds like you're doing fab!

My baby I'm talking about is now a 5 foot 6 11 year old and the routine I got her into at 5 months is DEFINITELY out of the window

Good luck!