Unbelievably frustrated my baby won't settle to sleep day or night

[MammaBell]

Hi,
I'm really at my wits end and desperate for some help or encouragement. I'm so angry and fed up I'm in tears. My 4.5 month old daughter simple will not settle easily for naps or bedtime, and when she does eventually go down she sleeps 30 mins then wakes up. It takes at least an hour to get her to finally sleep so it's stupidly frustrating that she's awake 30 mins later.
I've tried putting her down earlier to avoid overtiredness, tried winding down in the lead up to naps, have made the room dark with white noise, tried rocking, singing, nursing....nothing! She babbles or wriggles or cries. I am trying to make sure she goes no longer than 2 hours without a sleep but it's impossible as she won't go to sleep till after the 2 hour mark after all my efforts to get her sleeping.
It's taking over my life, I'm constantly watching her to try catch the early signs she's ready to sleep but I must miss them as she's goes straight to being what all the literature classes as 'overtired'. I'm clock watching too, and I just dread each nap and bedtime. When she is asleep I can't relax and I'm uptight as I'm waiting to see her wake back up again. I'm exhausted and so upset, I'm just totally drained.
I feel like I must have done something wrong at some point earlier on when she was younger or I'm just rubbish at seeing the cues.
I'm utterly fed up searching google for advise as everything contradicts what the last article or blog said, or you get teased with ads that say they have all the answers but you have to pay first before you can see them!!!
What can I do and please tell me this gets better...soon!!

You have my sympathy, but no advice, sadly.

Both of mine never slept longer than 35 minutes during the day till they were 2. Then they got napping (and sleeping through the night) and would sleep for up to 3 hours at times.

Don't feel like you're doing anything wrong. Some babies are just like that.

Oh, one thing that did work was the carrier. They'd both sleep longer if they were carried (the first would sleep longer just lying on me, but that didn't work for the second)

Mine doesn't really go down for naps reliably. She will often sleep in the sling or pram though.

I don’t know any 4.5 month babies that can settle themselves to sleep consistently.

I think of it as my job to help get my babies to sleep. When they’re tiny like that I feed to sleep or rock or pat or whatever unless we are out. I wouldn’t anticipate a baby self settling until over a year old. So I’d aim for a nice wind down routine before every sleep/nap and then help them to sleep. As they get older you can gradually withdraw the input you have as they have more capability to settle down themselves

The 30 mins thing is due to sleep cycles. There’s not much you can do but you could try and make sure you’re there 5 mind before they wake and go back into the rock/pat/shush routine whilst they stir and hopefully go back off.

Also - if your baby isn’t showing you sleep cues then I’d aim for a loose routine. Have you tried the 2,3,4? So 2 hours after they wake for the day go for the first nap. Then 3 hours after they wake from the first nap give the second nap. And 4 hours after they wake from the second nap start bedtime

I’d also say be consistent about what you try for at least a week/ten days even if initially it doesn’t seem to be working. It takes babies time to adjust to changes and to learn new sleep cues.

There is a massive development leap at 4 months that is disruptive to most babies’ sleep. Worth having a google.

Google Four Month Sleep Regression.

It WILL get better, I know it doesn't seem like it now but it will.

Look after yourself.