Jay Gordon method- any way to adapt?

[Thistledew]

I would like to night wean, and hopefully soon fully wean my now 2yr old DS. I have previously been recommended the Jay Gordon method, which I do like in terms of its gentle approach, but I can't see how it would work for us.

DS is most often awake when I put him down in his cot at night- I feed him until he is drowsy but when I lay him down he will quite often say "night-night", or ask for a blanket, or ask me to sit with him. So it is not a question of needing feeding to sleep.

However, there is nothing that will soothe him and get him to that drowsy state other than the breast. If I try rocking or cuddling him he gets into a screaming, clawing frenzy. Any attempts to stroke or pat him whilst he is in his cot are similarly and actively rejected. He reacts the same for DH and my MIL- she once tried for nearly an hour to soothe him but he wasn't even close to calming down.

So, has anyone used and adapted this method for a similar toddler? Or any other suggestions?

Following!

Keep trying. It's suddenly changed for DS now. Or it might be he needs to be in a toddler bed rather than the cot. Then you can lie together/ read stories etc

So I tried a variation tonight by stopping feeding him when I thought he was nice and drowsy but before he indicated he had had enough. It went badly.

We had 30 mins of screaming tantrum which sushing and rocking only made worse. He was desperately pleading for boo-boo and telling me he was crying. He even (having climbed out of his cot) tried making me a comfy seat out of the beanbag in his room and his blanket in hopes I would sit there and feed him. I did persist in withholding more nursing until he managed to calm himself down from his frenzy, but once he had stopped screaming and was just pleading I'm afraid I cracked. Maybe that was the wrong thing to do and I should have persisted with refusing to feed more but he was so upset.

I'd have cracked and fed him too so I got one don't think it was the wrong thing....you've said you want a gentle approach and the situation escalated into something quite the opposite. Nobody was happy/benefitting so it was the right thing to do imo.

I'm in a similar situation with my 2yo. Dh can get her to sleep with only a bit of protesting but only if I'm not in the house - have you tried that? Maybe just one night a week disappear for a bit and let dh manage? That's actually how I managed to wean dc1 at roughly this age....dh did bedtime every other night for a week while I went out and then every night the following week while I hid downstairs. After that it was fine, I just read stories with him in the way dh had been doing. He was in the toddler bed by that point which helped I think.

Following with interest because I need to night wean my 1 year old.

Now what would happen if you explained the situation to him over a the day so he has a chance to get used to idea, so explain to him that he needs to stop having milk at night because he is a big boy now?

If you find a way let me know, I also have a boob obsessed child who will not be settler by rocking or patting!

Short answer, yes. But, I would actually consider taking him out of a cot. At 2yo he can be in a cotbed now and that will potentially change the dynamics of sleep time. Eg getting himself ready, move to a chair to feed and read a story, so he walks to bed.

Start making incremental changes to the bed time routine.

You have two things you’re trying to resolve, feeding to sleep at bedtime, and night wakings. Both require different things.

I have loads to add but my DH has just woken up as my light on phone is to bright and I’m tapping 😂 will post tomorrow.

I might have misunderstood your post, but Jay Gordon says that the child should be in your bed whilst doing the night-weaning. I'm not sure how it works if you're not co-sleeping.

Also, the last feed to go was the feed-to-sleep one at the start of the night - this was 6 months or so after I night-weaned DS1. DS2 now basically doesn't wake for boob but it helps him settle for the night (he's 26 months).

Thanks for all the replies so far.

He was in a bed side cot until he was 7 months old. I had to move him into a cot in his own room then as he started crawling and there was no way of making the cot or our bed safe to stop him rolling/crawling straight off it.

I am thinking of taking the side off his cot soon and turning it into a proper bed as he can quite easily climb into and out of it. The only reason I haven't done yet is because he thrashes around so much in his sleep that he is likely to fall out and I can't see how he would keep a duvet on him!

He does most often indicate when he is ready to go into his cot as he will stop feeding, arch his back and say "cot". What was clear from last night is that he will get very upset if I try to end the feed before he is ready.

He did however sleep until 4.30 last night and I managed to settle him back to sleep (with a feed) after that, and he stayed in his cot asleep until about 6.20, which is late for him!

That's brilliant!! Bedtime until 4:30 is ace

I'm still struggling with this. Last week there was an evening event that I really wanted to go to. From the beginning of the week DH and I worked to change DS's bedtime routine. We took the side off his cot and he was very pleased with his big boy bed. We had DH doing as much of the bedtime routine as possible and ending with DS lying down in his bed for a story.

He kept to the routine on Friday when I was out. I came home at 9.30pm to find that DS was wide awake, sobbing his heart out and pleading with DH "Find Mama, please" and clearly not even near going to sleep after two hours of bedtime routine. He was asleep within minutes of me feeding him.

I really don't know what we can do to change this.