My baby is 1 and still doesn't sleep

[candjgreen19]

A message from a very desperate parent.... As a first time mum, my son is everything I ever wished for, however his sleeping patterns are so bad that I feel like I've failed as a parent. From being born, I breast fed until he was 3 months, bottle fed from 3 months, weened at 4 and so forth. He was in a good routine and slept through every night.
He then started teething and our lives were turned upside down. From being 6 months he has been up on average 2 - 4 times per night. When he wakes, we could normally give him a bottle and he would fall straight back off but I think we've now created a vicious cycle for ourselves. He is now 14 months old and will sleep from 8 - 1am fine, after this he's up crying / screaming for the rest of the night. He is generally such a happy little boy, always smiling and laughing but at night time it's a different story.
He now has 9 teeth and they don't seem to bother him as much, so I always wonder if it's something else? I've ever wondered if he has nightmares but maybe he's too young?!
I've tried everything from moving his cot to another area in the room, changing his bedding, making sure he's not too hot / cold, put a night light in, comforted him as much as I can, given him a drink, changing his nappy etc....
We don't know what else to do to help him get into a good routine and reading it back it makes me think that people will read this and wonder why we've never got the basics of sleep right, but it's just never happened properly for us!
I work 4 days a week, long hours and drive around meeting clients on a daily basis and have to pretend I'm not secretly really struggling on no rest but I'm at breaking point. Any suggestions are welcome.

So sorry to hear this. You are doing a great job, not failing at all. I have always found other people’s tips hard to listen to! Especially if we have had a bad night. My DS is 16 months old now, and generally sleeps ok. Things I have done...

Routine routine routine. From about 5pm I do the same things every evening so he knows what’s happening.
He goes to bed at 6.30 - has a bath at 6. He gets up fairly early (6) but we have found earlier bed times work best for him.
I did gradual withdrawal including if he woke in the night. So I used to go and sit in his room and said shh until he was asleep, then I started just popping in and saying shh. Now he usually doesn’t wake.
I don’t give him drinks in the night unless he is ill or it’s really warm weather.
I use pampers premium at night which avoids needing to change him unless he has pooped...
I think it’s been about teaching him that nothing exciting will happen if he wakes up. Mummy and daddy are boring at night time. No games, no talking, no food or drink.
We have never just left him to cry, but I’m ok with leaving him to whinge and roll about in his bed as I think that’s him learning to settle on his own. The gentle sleep book is good.

Sending you

Can’t help but you have my sympathy. My first didn’t sleep until he was two when his sister turned up and she didn’t sleep for 18 months.

Thank you both! I think you're right about routine, we try to have one but since nursery they've been letting him sleep 2 + hours during the day and it's completely not helping. I'm going to get that book! I don't really agree with controlled crying, so that looks like a good option! X

You have my sympathies. I have a two year old who hs slept through four times in his life.

He generally wakes twice a night and need a quick cuddle to go back to sleep.

We just accept it now as getting stressed about it wasn't helping. We co sleep every now and again just to have a better night ourselves and that helps ( he generally sleeps better in our bed with us and we don't have to get up in the night). But he always starts off on his cot.

I don't think the two hour nap in the day is what is causing it. That's pretty normal for children between 1 & 2 years old regardless of how they sleep at night. Don't try to get the nursery to stop this or it will just add to your problems with an over tired child.

Sleep is developmental, not sleeping through at one is actually pretty normal
mine doesn't either

I'm afraid this sounds pretty normal to me. Like all milestones, they reach it at different times. Sleeping through typically happens later than one year, although of course you can train a child that you won't come if called.

Hugs! It will improve over time, especially if you can settle into a routine that suits you.

You have my sympathy. DS couldn't be relied upon to sleep through until he was about 2 1/2 and even then he woke up at the crack of dawn. Tried everything but nothing worked consistently.