Please help....going quietly mental...no sleep!

[bagsundereyes]

Hi everyone - please help before I go crazy. DD1 is 12 weeks and has always been a poor sleeper. She sleeps in Moses basket next to my bed. Over the past 2 weeks her naps have gradually reduced and now she is only getting 3x 30 mins!! She was so overtired last night that she drifted off for 30mins at 7, woke at 7.30 and cried til I fed her at 10.

She is a bit of a dummy addict (my fault I know), but I am too fragile at the moment to give this up. When she wakes I sit with her doing pat-sh, shielding her eyes. Last night I did this for 1.5 hours with her in the cot before she when from grumbling to all out roaring, and I caved in and picked her up.

I would love some tips - hv seems to think cc or crying it out is the only way forward, but I not in the right frame of mind for this at present. Last night I ended up crying harder than her by the end of the night!

At night she wakes at 3 (no feed), 4 (feed), and often between 5-7, though is usually happy to gurgle in her moses basket at this time. I am sore tempted to start cuddling her to sleep, or letting her sleep in the bed, but I am concerned about things getting worse. Would love to hear ideas, sympathy, similar stories and support! Thanks all

hugs ror you

that should read FOR no ROR lol how you xxx

leave baby to cry a little , it may sound cruel , it worked with mine ,just an idea xx

At 12 weeks she is not a bad sleeper... she is just doing hat a 12 week baby should be doing.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with cuddling to sleep at this age.
It is perfectly normal for her to be waking in the night for something to eat.
There is nothing wrong with using a dummy - they were a life saver for us.
Ignore your health visitor, she is too young for cc and is crying because she is hungry, overtired or wants a cuddle.

have you fallen asleep xxx

wat is cc

controlled crying, it's not recommended until 6 months if ever....

Do whatever you can until you feel strong enough to deal with it.

I have done CC before, it took 3 nights to get sorted. IMO it was worth it, but you do have to be strong and in a good frame of mind to do it. Its hard going and heartbreaking, especially the first night. Not something to be done lightly.

Its OK to leave her to cry in her cot for a few minutes if you need to walk away and get yourself together. Its also OK to cuddle her and let her sleep in your bed. I always think that "bad habits" (and I use the term loosley) can be broken.

Whatever gets you through ...

(Sorry, I'm not much in the way of practical help!)

Good luck

why not cc till 6 months

lots of people have loads of different opinions on controlled crying. It is obviously a very emotive subject.
I think it's often not recommended until 6 months because before that the baby is usually crying because it needs something.
Hopefully someone wiser will come along to explain it more!

I've noticed quite a few people on here rate The Baby Whisperer for sleeping. Not tried it myself (I went for Gina Ford's routines), but I think its more gentle. I might have a look at it this time round.

I started the routine with DC1 at 8 weeks when I found myself bawling in the street and needed to do something for my sanities sake. Its not for everyone.

All I can really say is do what you are comfortable with. There is a lot of advice and its all different.

bags, don't worry too much about 'no cc under 6 months',
it's a bit of an M&M in-joke..not sure about the punchline, though!

Having said that, some HVs are a bit lazy just throwing 'oh, do cc' at new Mums.

There are lots of gentle versions of sleep-training around

• NCSS or shush/pat or pu/pd - and of course instead of trying to change lo you can try and change your own behaviour/attitude: Co-sleep, buy a sling etc.

Let us know which option you want to take and plenty of advice will be forthcoming

I'm still sleep deprived at 9 months but nothing like I was at that stage. It does get better. It is perfectly normal. Just feed, cuddle, co-sleep whatever it takes to get some kip. Don't fight it it'll make you depressed because it won't work. At such a young age your baby is not playing you, it needs you. Mine fed at least twice in the night until about 7 1/2 months.

Keep up the good work and use mn for support if it gets really bad. Use the Sleep is for the weak thread. We're all sleep starved and obsessed about sleep but we may have some tips for you that aren't as drastic.

sorry without wanting to be po-faced I don't think 'no controlled crying under 6 months' is a joke, is it?

As far as I know the basis for timing controlled crying is that before 6 months you can't be sure that the baby really can sleep through the night, whereas at least in theory their stomachs are large enough, digestion well-established enough etc to last through the night.

But I'm not sure this is the issue - presumably you're not trying to go right through the whole night, just get at least some patches of decent sleep!

I feel for you so much. Hope somebody with more experience comes along soon. I used Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Ferber (sorry can't remember his first name) which is great but it's a heck of a complex read when you are surviving on this kind of sleep.

Maybe try the Crysis Helpline on 020 7404 5011, 8am to 11pm? They do sleep problems too. No experience of them though.

I certainly agree, sleeping through the night is unlikely to happen before 6 months for the reasons you mentioned.
CC does not equal sleeping through the night, though.

Just re-read the OP - are you already doing cc?
I mean the bit about her crying from 7:30 to 10.

I think thats a good point made by Choosyfloosy, its important to distinguish using CC crying to get a baby so young to sleep through (which just would not work and shouldn't be tried) as opposed to using the techniques as a tool to get a decent block of sleep so you can survive.

My 7 1/2 month DD takes an age to settle. I start at 6 ish with bath and she usually goes to sleep about 8.00. I BF until shes had enough, put her down to sleep and then she cries, I leave her for a few mins then start all over again and again and again. Tried leaving her to cry but heartbreaking and made no difference. Don't believe in cc am hoping she will sort it out herself eventually. She still only sleeps max 4 hours, usually more like 2 b4 waking needing a 5 min feed then back off straight away. I would say do what it takes, habits can be broken when they are a little older. Good luck

thanks everyone - the support is very welcome. I do think i need to be easier on us both. Managed to slightly extend her morning nap (via use of dummy for 20mins ) which has made me feel a wee bit better. She is now down for her lunchtime 30 mins. Got babywhisperer from the library - I think I am going to have to pick a date, then commit to trying something...poor little one just seems to resist all attempts at a routine.
Not looking forward to eventually giving up the dummy though - it is at once my friend and foe!