Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Sleep

Join our Sleep forum for tips on creating a sleep routine for your baby or toddler. Need more advice on your childs development? Sign up to our Ages and Stages newsletter here.

DD getting out of bed at night to come to us - advice ?

8 replies

Tillysmummy · 17/08/2004 14:12

I have been reading this thread with interest! My dd (nearly 3) has started coming in to our bed the last couple of months. At first it would be if she woke at say 4 in the morning she would get out of bed and come in to us. Because ds is only a little baby (5 months)and had just started sleeping through we let her to avoid her making noise that woke him. Also it seemed that we could get a bit later sleep out of her (she has always been an early riser (normally around 6), she started sleeping until 6.30 or 7 in our bed so it seemed like a good option. But recently, in the last few weeks she has been waking earlier and earlier in the night and so we set a rule that she couldn't come in before 3. So we would put her back to bed if she woke before. She goes back to sleep normally no fuss first or second time but after that she keeps getting out every 20 mins or so. I don't know what to do. DH thinks it's not too big a deal and she'll grow out of it (anything for sleep) but I think that before a certain time (ideally 5 actually) she shouldn't come in. She seems to have got worse and worse with her night waking. If she just woke the once and came in I wouldn't have minded so much but the fact that she is now disturbing us several times in the night is starting to get me down. I think that we need to break the habit and have thought about the chain on the door which I see mentioned here. The thing I dread is her waking up ds which no doubt she will if she is left to scream (and she gets quite angry and hysterical) and he is doing well with his sleep but if woken in the night tends to be awake for some considerable time (like anything between 1 and 2 hours !!) and that's a real pain. If I knew she would grow out of it in a few months I would put up with it but Im petrified of having a child that sleeps in our bed every night until she's 10 or whatever !!! Any advice ?

OP posts:
Papillon · 17/08/2004 14:22

which thread have you been posting on?
you have started you own!

does she have a stuffed friend to cuddle? is she waking up for a reason, have you asked her? explained it too her, she should understand enough for you to talk to her about it

Blu · 17/08/2004 14:23

I think you have to decide whether or not you want her to come into your bed or not - she has no understanding of 'it's ok after 3am but not before' so if she is EVER allowed in, she will always try, at whatever hour.

What if you made a star chart, explained that you would like her to sleep all night in her big girl bed, and if she does get up, at whatever time, you just gently, firmly, carry her back and tuck her in again - doubtless repeatedly for the first few nights. But a promise of a brilliant reward after 5 nights of staying in her own bed, or agreeing to be put back in, might forestall any yelling?

Would the baby wake up? Could you put him to sleep somewhere else for a while? (I assume he is in the same room as dd?) If DS is in with you, what about puttingh him somwhere else - it could be jealousy that makes DD want to be with you too.

juniper68 · 17/08/2004 14:25

Blu, just going to suggest the star chart too. It worked for DS1 when he was that age. After 10 stars he went to the swimming pool (or whatever your dd is into?)

hovely · 17/08/2004 14:32

hi tillysmummy
Do you think there is a connection with ds being on the scene? My dd and ds are very similar ages to yours. When ds was first born dd started to come in, and I put it down to her checking that she wasn't missing out on anything. Then she started sleeping in her own bed all night, but now (he is 7 mths) she has started coming in again. I have the feeling she has been through a settling down process and is now pushing some limits to test what will happen. So far it has not escalated, and once she is put back in her bed she stays there until about 6.00 (or 5.45 ).

If it doesn't stop within a week or so I am going to do something to break it, and what I plan to do is always, always, take her back to her bed - even if it's 5.30 already - but do it gently but firmly. If that doesn't work I will then sleep outside her door (not looking forwards to that). I have also bought a bunny ears clock to keep her in her room, if not in her bed, until 6.00. We haven't started using it yet, but I'll use it in conjunction with the other steps. I think that if I chained or locked the door she would go beserk, and I really don't want to 'punish' her; to my mind she is not misbehaving, rather than pushing at a limit (and seeking a nice cuddly time with mum). Also in my view a rising 3 yr old is still little enough to come in for occasional comfort; it's when it becomes a pattern and gets worse and worse that there's a problem.

jimmychoos · 17/08/2004 14:44

Tillysmummy - my DS started doing this after dd was born (he was about 3).We let it go for AGES because we thought it was just a phase. In the end I posted here about it and was advised to get tough - take him back to bed however many times it took. We had star charts - if he stayed in bed all night until he heard us up and about he had a star. It was remarkably successful and broke the pattern thank goodness. He still has the odd night where he comes and finds us but not every night - which was exhausting.

Tillysmummy · 17/08/2004 17:19

Hi ladies thanks for the suggestions. Papillon, yes I know I started my own thread, I forgot to edit my original message which I posted on an existing thread but didn't get any answers to, still pregnancy brain im afraid ! I have tried talking to her about it and get no real answers and she is very capable on the conversation front so I don't think it's because she can't express what she's feeling.
I have thought about it a lot since posting this and also spoken to the hv. Your suggestions for star charts seem a good way to go. The hv suggested a sticker book and a sticker each time she went to bed / stayed in her bed successfully. I am going to give that a go this evening.
DS is in his own room and has been for some time so I don't think she is coming in because she's missing out more because she feels safe and secure in between us. As soon as she gets inbetween us she snuggles up to me and is fast asleep.
I think that you are all right it's just a case of perserverance. In terms of the putting back in the bed every time she gets out I guess this means that we have to be resolute and not give in at 4am and let her stay in with us ? I hope that maybe she will do just 1 or 2 nights all the way in her own bed then it wouldn't be so bad if she came in occasionally - although does this then give mixed messages ? I suppose exceptions have to be made for things like nightmares etc.

OP posts:
whizzz · 17/08/2004 22:31

We found that a Sleepytime bunny clock worked brilliantly. When the bunny was asleep, DS had to stay in bed. When bunny woke up it was OK to come to us. Seems to be working fine at the moment with only the odd forray to our room.

Twiglett · 17/08/2004 22:34

message withdrawn

New posts on this thread. Refresh page