3 month old baby seems really tired all the time

[HarryHarry]

My little boy just turned 3 months old a few days ago. Previously he seemed very calm and happy but this week he's become an absolute nightmare. The problem is that he has started showing sleep cues almost from when he wakes up. At first I ignored them, thinking he couldn't possibly be tired, but he quickly became fussy and irritable, so I tried responding to them as soon as I noticed them. The result was exactly the same: 30 minutes of kicking and screaming before he finally settled down to sleep. I don't know what's going on as we seemed to be doing so well, having fallen into a natural 3 hour eat-play-sleep cycle quite early on. It is possible that this is just a symptom of (a) a growth spurt, (b) sleep regression or (c) teething, and that it's just a passing phase, but at the moment I'm worried that it will be a long-lasting change for the worse. I'm scared that I've done something wrong and ruined my happy little boy without realising it! (I'm an FTM, obviously!) I really don't know what to do! Can anyone give me some hope that things will improve?

That sounds exactly like my DS! Since 3 months old, he’s barely wanted to be awake and I’m forever rocking and jigging about trying to keep him happy for at least half an hour before I put him back to sleep! However, he’s now almost 4 months and the past few days have been much better. He’s been much happier when awake and has had much longer periods of awake time (much closer to 2 hours). So maybe it is just a phase and he’s now coming out of it?! I obviously can’t tell you for sure but just thought I’d let you know that you weren’t alone!

Hi both we were all on similar April 18 due threads :)
@HarryHarry my DS has done exactly the same thing over the last week, someone recommended the wonderweeks app to me as it describes periods when they'll be going through developmental change and so far it's been spot on each time.
After sleeping all night he also wakes up and will be yawning within a few mins, I think the same as you really how can he be tired already!? Sleep seems to beget sleep, he slept on me for 4 1/2 hrs today and has gone down better tonight for it. Think I'll just go with it and let him sleep as much as he seems to need, getting to him to sleep is another matter entirely but hey ho! This phase to shall pass Amazing that you got him into a three hour cycle though! Glad to hear he's now home

Hi you two! I remember you both from the April thread. @Wonderfullysunny - is your boy already sleeping through the night? Mine still wakes up every 3 hours without fail! Even more than that at the moment, though he's perpetually tired. Once or twice he slept for 4 hours but that seems to have gone out the window now.

My ds is 4 and a half months and while he displays sleep cues refuses to sleep during the day.. He was like you describe at 2/3 months - we literally walked the streets at all hours of day / night to get him to stop crying and sleep...
Now he is 20 weeks today and while he still fights sleep he copes much better with awake time and is generally happy / easily distracted..
I don't know what the weather is like where you are but the heat is most definitely not helping here. He's back to being up to feed at least 3 times a night. I think it is thirst with the heat...

I've read that if you respond to the sleep cues immediately, the baby will go down without a fight, but that is not happening here! Every time he wakes up in the night now I have to spend 20-40 minutes trying to get him back to sleep. I've realised it's not hunger so I've dropped one of the night feeds - it's usually about 30 degrees here all summer but we have air con so I'm not so worried about thirst - he just wants to be held. He screamed every time I tried to put him down. I don't want him to need me to rock him back to sleep every time any more than I wanted him drinking at night just for the sake of it, but I also don't want to deny him comfort if he needs it, so I'm at a complete loss for what to do. Have any of you found anything that works or do I just have to wait it out and hope it gets better?

At 3 mo, your baby is very very small and very definitely still needs night feeds. How can it not be hunger when they still have a very tiny stomach? They are not 'drinking for the sake of it'

Also, babies need to be held. So if he screams when you put him down, how about don't put him down?

You mean hold him all night?

Honestly, I really don't think he is hungry when I feed him at night. He only drinks because I offer it to him. He would rather go back to sleep than eat, if he could.

I wish @HarryHarry!! The longest he's slept in one go at night is 4 hours as well but that's only been twice, at night he'll wake every 2-3hrs on a good night on a bad one every 1.5hrs. I feed him every time he wakes up and he falls right back to sleep within 15mins. He does still feed quite frequently during the day though as well, how often is your little man feeding?

Sent too soon! I think it's the comfort as well as the food during the night though :) he prob doesn't need all if them as he's gone four hrs previously and been ok.

Yes! I remember you both hi! It’s reassuring to hear that your little ones are the same. DS has gone 6 hours in the past - we had about a week of it and I was full of the joys! Now he’s back to one 4 hour from 7/8-11/12 and then every 2 hours if I’m lucky. There are times I’m sure he isn’t hungry either but I always offer it because it gets him back to sleep within about 3 minutes. I feed him lying down so both of us are disturbed as little as possible and it’s working well. He does therefore bed share from second wake up but I don’t really mind. Is that something you could consider HarryHarry?

I would like to co-sleep but every time I've put him between us in the bed (with just a light sheet over him) he gets very sweaty for some reason and I don't want to overheat him.

He is currently feeding every 3-4 hours with about 170ml each time. People keep telling me different things, e.g. I've been told not to let him feed to sleep or he'll never be able to sleep without it, to wait and see if I can resettle him without feeding him, etc. so it's hard to know what the best thing to do is. My instinct is to just give him what he wants, regardless of whether he's hungry or not. I'm just a bit wary of feeding him unnecessarily as I keep getting comments from strangers about how 'big' he is (14 pounds now but I think that's normal?) As long as he is happy and healthy I think it should be OK.

I get the same comments as well as DS is 15lb already, 98th percentile apparently! At least they'll be tall hey I must admit I've taken the path of least resistance as I've gotten such contradictory advice as well.
He's just properly woken up for the day and within 5 mins was yawning feed, nappy change and attempt to get him to sleep. He was waking up every 90 mins last night so we're both tired to be fair! Lol no helpful advice but at least we're not alone hey

@WonderfullySunny and @HarryHarry do you count the mls you give? I'm wondering as I have got a really hungry 10 week old and I'm feeding very 3 hours and way more than the boxes say, but she's draining the bottles so fast, I don't know how to cut back and she wont go longer than 3 hours...

@threetwoonezero - Your baby sounds just like mine. I track what I give him with the Glow Baby app and he is drinking an average of 1150ml per day which is quite a lot more than the formula manufacturer's website recommends but he seems to have a big appetite and always wants more no matter how much I give him. I try to limit it to 200ml per bottle, every 3 hours, and stop as soon as he shows any signs of slowing down as otherwise he would just keep drinking forever! I think the current advice is to offer 150-200ml per kg of your baby's weight, so in our case about 1200ml per day (200ml x 6kg), but it's really just a guideline. If the baby is genuinely hungry - and I guess he must be if he is draining bottles so quickly - I don't want to deny him food.

Thanks I'll go and weigh her and see where we are!

I’ve tried to steer clear of anyone/any article claiming that I’m starting “habits” or creating “a rod for my own back.” For all this advice, I’ve spoken to as many others who have said that their babies naturally grew out of these “habits” with little resistance and absolutely no stress. That seems like a win to me! I’m not going to spend hours every night keeping my eyes open with matchsticks trying to settle an unhappy baby if I know it’s easy enough to do it another way for now. In fact, I’m noticing that he’ll more and more go back to sleep from slightly awake than he ever did before. So I’m hoping we’re heading in the right direction.

I can’t contribute to the formula questions though as DS is BF. I guess every baby is different and takes different amounts?!

Hi OP my 3 month old has lost all his good sleeping habits this week too but I'm putting it down to the heat! We were at a point where his last feed would be 7/8 asleep by 9 and awake again for a feed at 3am and then again at 6/7am. That's pretty much gone out the window this week with him waking more frequently looking for feeds.

I'm just going with it for now and pray that he settles back down again! We were hoping to get him up to 6oz feeds to stretch him out a little more but with the heat it's understandable that he gets hungry and thirsty more often! Today he's only taking 3ozs but every 2 hours!

He's also napping like crazy during the day and even had a 4 hour nap the other morning within 1.5 hours of waking up from his nighttime sleep.

The wonderweeks app is brilliant but doesn't have him due for a leap for another week or two, again I'm just hoping and praying it's the heat making him cranky/sleepy/hungrier

I lost the thread for a few days but just wanted to say that I downloaded the Wonder Weeks app and it was spot on! Baby seems to be back to normal now, only with the added bonus of sleeping 5 hours at a time at night, which I thought would never happen! His daytime naps are all over the place though and much shorter now but I'm happy to let him set the schedule.

Great news HarryHarry! We’ve just hit the 4 month sleep regression here. Yay... 😭

I've heard of the wonder weeks app. When I looked at it on the App Store but there are a few to choose from and done quite costly!
Which do you have @WonderfullySunny ?
My DD is 12 weeks old and has gone from happy, placid, napping and sleeping well to being a little bugger and really grouchy and not napping unless I put her in her pram and go for a long walk. She hates her car seat: always has, so can't even go for a drive with her. That makes it worse!!

12 weeks yesterday and sleep going to pot! Very normal, I enforce as many naps as possible; mainly sling or just on me. Very hard as we are on holiday but many willing arms. However his normal routine is all over the place and it's v hard.

Ive always noted how long they can stay awake for abs then offered nap opportunities around the time I know they'll start to fade. At 3 mo it's 45 mins - 1.5 hours, often longer in the eve.

Wonder weeks is ridiculously accurate and very helpful.

Lo has hit the wanting to look at things stage so isn't feeding as reliably as he was in the day, possibly meaning more feeds at night. Going to have a day of low distractions tomorrow to see if I can redress the balance!

Ps 5 hours is technically 'sleeping through.'

OP I know this has resolved itself for you but I know how quickly things change and I just wanted to add my two pence worth.

As a PP said, try to avoid the people who say you'll make a rod for your own back. Comments like that are deeply unfair when it's your first because you have no experience or comparison. I remember when DD1 was born some family visiting when she was 3 days old. She cried blue murder and they said "oooh you better not pick her up or she'll get used to it". We panicked and so didn't because they'd had children and must be right! I look back and cringe. Trust your instincts and do what you want to do. When they're little you can't make bad habits. Just follow their queues. Fix "problems" later.

As for the formula, just give as much as he wants. I was REALLY worried about DD2 because she hardly ate anything, no where near what was on the box and certainly nothing by comparison to her older sister who was a gannet. One day I compared their red books. They both weighed exactly the same as each other at the same ages yet they both ate such massively different amounts. DD1 had about 6oz more than what was recommended each day (at least) and DD2 had at least 8oz less than what was recommended each day. They're all different and all you can do is go from their queues (if you can work them out!).

Argh I lost the thread again so I've only just seen your replies.

My boy will be 4 months old this weekend and is now sleeping from about 6pm to 6am with 2 feeds in between which is great but like everything else, subject to change! During the day he can stay awake for up to 3 hours but it's usually closer to 1.5 hours. However he continues to act sleepy between naps and is often too tired to play very much. He's also started being really clingy, screams when I go out of sight, and wants to be held all the time. At the moment I'm just letting him do everything his way as I don't believe in this making a rod for my back thing either. I think (though of course I could be wrong!) that if he feels secure that I am always going to meet his needs, he will eventually settle into a good routine of his own choosing without all the crying and fussing!

I'm curious about the 4 month sleep regression though! What should I expect?