Alternatives to feeding to sleep

[emvy]

I have always fed DS to sleep and it’s not ever been a problem and for the most part, still isn’t. He’s now 3 and a half months and will mostly always fall asleep on the breast for his naps unless we’re out with the buggy or in the car. I know that often, he doesn’t need these feeds as he can fall asleep easily without them in the buggy or the car but will mostly always happily take them because of his association with sleep. However, I’ve noticed that for his first morning nap (or after a little awake time around 6am) he’s now refusing the nipple and unless I go out with the buggy at 7.30am, he won’t go to sleep. He’s tired and grouchy but there’s no other way he will go off - I’ve tried rocking, bouncing, cuddling, none of it works. I was trying not to stress about feeidng to sleep as it was working and everyone was saying they grow out of it so I was just going with the flow. That flow is now faltering and I’m not sure where to go next. Any suggestions?!

This isn't exactly a direct answer or resolution, but I wanted to add that my DS (now 5.5 months) went through a similar phase at about that age, but it didn't last long (maybe 7-10 days if memory serves me correctly) and feeding to sleep is now our default approach again for that first morning nap. So all might not be lost!

I've been spending (wasting?) quite a lot of time worrying about whether I'm 'creating a rod' by feeding to sleep, but I've decided not to let it worry me. DS certainly seems happy with it, and I'm very happy with it, so I'm going to carry on while it works.

Almost without fail I feed him to sleep for this first morning nap, and to get him to sleep at bedtime. For all other naps, he's usually out in the pushchair or car, and drops off fairly easily.

Do I wish I could just put him down in his cot for a nap and let him self settle? A bit. I've literally hardly tried. The current approach works, and I love the snuggles. Crucially, we're all getting sufficient sleep, so I plan to stick with it for now.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do next - or here's hoping that it turns out to be just a temporary phase for your little one too!

I'll be very interested to see if others come along with useful advice!

Would love to hear more advice on this. I have a 12 week old and he mostly falls asleep on the boob, this isn't usually a problem but recently he's been wanting the boob 3/4 (sometimes more) times a night, i'm not sure it's because he is hungry, he just wants it for comfort. I'm worried that I'm creating an association and he will always want to do this.

Thank you for sharing your experience Ruffles. I do hope it’s just a phase as I’m happy to continue feeding to sleep!

I have actually posted in the past about whether feeding to sleep is a good idea or not, Dowhatyouwish. Everyone said that it was natural and a quick and easy way to get baby off to sleep, so if it was working, to just continue, so we have. A lot of people said they worried too but their baby grew out of it on their own. DS still wakes up 3-4 times a night and will seek the breast for comfort (I’m actually pretty certain he’s not hungry anymore at night, he doesn’t behave like he’s hungry) but will go off within a few minutes of getting the breast so I lie down to feed him back to sleep and it doesn’t bother me too much as neither of us barely wake up. We bed share for half the night (after his first wake up) though so that might not be for you. I’m hoping once he’s in his own room he’ll wake less but we’ll see! It’s just all a guessing game! Ha.

It is perfectly biologically normal for babies this small to wake at least 3-4 times per night out of real hunger. THeir stomachs are still small, BM is easily digested.

And, frankly, it may yet get worse with sleep regression, illness or teething.

Plus there is nothing wrong with turning to BF as comfort. That is part of it.

It is NOT biologically normal to sleep through. That's developmental. It's a societal expectation that babies sleep on their own through the night and has no basis in reality.

I'm just trying to stop feeding to sleep at almost 13 mo. It isn't going that well, he's probably still not ready.

Oh and ignore the rod for your own back BS. It's just that, BS

@arbrighton I'm coming round to the idea that ita totally normal, but for whatever reason I feel pressured or I'm comparing my baby to other babies and thinking he should be sleeping through the night and solely use the boob for feeding.

I'm going to stop reading things online and just do what I think is best for my baby, and right now that is using my breast for feeding and to sleep. You're right, their stomachs are only small so I am surprised when people say their babies sleep through the night at 6 weeks. Surely the baby must wake up starving?

@emvy I'm sure the babies will grow out of it in their own time as you said.

Well I feel better already after seeing these posts today! I'll continue to watch with interest....

Completely agree arbrighton, which is why I’m more than happy to continue doing it. I just wanted to know if anyone had ideas of what to do when he’s refusing the boob but needs to sleep. I’m also aware we’ve not yet hit the 4 month sleep regression... dreading it!

I know what you mean about pressure Dowhatyouwish but I try to ignore the comments as much as I can.

Keep going with the flow. As soon as you start stressing about sleep, it seems worse than it is. We are at 8 months and still feeding to sleep. But DD is an extreme case in that she hates the pram and car so it really is the only way for her to go to sleep including when she wakes in the night. Sleep gets worse as they go through leaps, growth spurts, illness and teething and so it's saved my sanity. Long gone are the hours attempting to rock her to sleep for hours in the middle of the night.
Feeding to sleep and for comfort is normal. They are biologically programmed to do it.

Yeah I completely understand it’s normal cheesecake and am more than happy to do it. I just don’t know what to do when he won’t take the breast, ha. Hopefully it’s just a phase and I’ll go with the flow like you say and hopefully he’ll stop refusing it

@emvy Have you tried a dummy? I too had a breast refusing baby who didn't want to feed to sleep. He would get annoyed by the milk when he just wanted the comfort - or at least that's how I interpreted it. A lactation consultant I saw said he was a "business not pleasure feeder"

Have you tried singing OP? My DS Loves a youtube video of 5 little ducks. Sends him into a trance every time. Albeit it doesnt get him to sleep but its a trigger that calms him down enough to then accept a cuddle/boob to sleep.

Btw i dont let him watch the video...he just likes the mans voice. Maybe try a few songs/lullabies? Second fave here is 3 green speckled frogs ☺ whatever works!

In the day you could try a sling?

Oh I sing TWINKLE TWINKLE a lot as part of settling DS off but he's now 13 mo and we're trying to stop boobing to sleep.

I won't tell you quite how angry he just got though :(

Thank you for your suggestions. I will try some music! We usually have white noise playing which helps to block out background noise that wakes him once asleep but doesn’t send him to sleep.

I’ve tried a sling and it did used to work when he was tiny but now he gets stressed about being in one position for so long.

arbrighton I hope it was a one off it’s awful when they get worked up.

This is exactly my scenario too, have you got the wonder weeks app? Pretty sure there is a leap or a growth spurt around then and mine actually refused the boob totally or would come off and on and I was terrified I had lost the only method I knew to get him to sleep because I have NEVER rocked him or sang etc. The crazy thing is, when I taken him out in the car and I’m stuck in the bypass for example and he cries I cannot just go to him, 5 mins pass and he falls asleep. So I wonder if I’m indirectly making him do CIO?! (Scared of doing CIO and not sure I agree with it but I’m the car I’m doing it without being able to pull over and get to him hmm)

He wasn’t in a leap Nataliemcintosh but we seem to have settled a bit with it now. He still does it but actually has begun then falling asleep of his own accord. Thanks for the heads up though, we’re in a leap now... the 4th one. Dreading a sleep regression!

I feel the same about CIO and the car!! Always feel so bad but he cries EVERY time we’re in the car so I can’t really do much about it!