Co sleeping & feeding to sleep

[4months]

My DS is 4.5 months and we've been co sleeping and feeding to sleep since birth. He's a tactile little chap and loves to be held. I'd like to make the translation from our bed to a cot but really don't know which approach to take. He literally screams if we pit him in a cot.
People have advised to do cry it out but I just can't bear it.
Has anyone got any advice? I am worried I've made a rod for my own back with these sleeping associations but I was just trying to do the best for all of us.

Hello! My DD2 is/was just like that, we co-slept and breastfed to sleep. She would wake all the time though and when she started moving it gave me the motivation to get her used to cot. I did it pretty gradually so as not to create any negative associations with the cot, let her play in there in the daytime. Started putting her to sleep in there at around 7 months, but I found I couldn't place her down asleep I had to get into the cot with her haha (it is a sturdy cot bed!) I did stop feeding her to sleep since about 8 months, so feed her in dark then lift her onto my front and rock until very sleepy then place in cot and she sleeps well in there now. Also for naps did same routine and she has 1.5hrs twice a day in there, before she would only sleep in sling or lying next to me. I never believed she would ever transition so there is hope! No crying here :)

@4months if it works atm then honestly keep going, it's not worth the sleep deprivation to try too hard to change things! it passes so quickly and definitely will get easier.

Hi @mummyoftwo5 thank you so much for your lovely response. I would like to move him to the cot and will definitely give it a go. I'm not sure I'll be able to get in there with him though hahha. I really hope it goes get better as he is really difficult at present... he is still awake now, even after me doing the bed routine since 6pm. I am so tired and never have time to myself.

@4months it is so so hard! Especially when they want you all the time. 4 months was the hardest time by far, we had wake ups every 20 mins and refusing to nap! So we have come a long tiresome way haha. But you will get your evenings back! I found that the more I attempted putting her in the cot, the more she got used to that sensation of being put down so it doesn't shock her awake so much. She does still cry sometimes when she gets put down but I tend to pat her bum or rub her tummy so it rocks her a bit and she will settle fine. Also found singing really helped my DD too. Hope things get better for you soon, this too shall pass

Bedside crib? Or a cot with the side down, tethered to your bed?
You may find that a better transitional option than straight to cot.

Remember that 4m is a time of massive development, so whatever you go through just now is most likely going to be the case regardless what you do re sleeping options. Unless you really hate co-sleeping, I would be inclined to go with it as the path of least resistance and the best way of maximising your sleep (instead of constantly having to get up).

Thank you @mummyoftwo5 I will try that approach and see how it goes. My DS will sleep happily in his bouncy chair so I know he can sleep independently but it's just getting him into his cot at night time: @CardinalCat we have a next to me and also a cot in the nursery.. I'd love him to go into both or either!
He woke up every 2 hours last night.
Do you know when it got a bit easier?!

My DS was exactly the same but he’s only 3 and a half months and hasn’t reached the 4 month sleep regression yet. As others have said, bear this in mind when trying to sleep train as it’s a huge developmental leap that’s happening and that’s most likely why he’s currently waking so frequently. I’d be tempted to wait until he’s out of this leap before attempting any big changes.

I have recently been gradually getting my DS into his next to me crib for his first sleep of the night. I find that this is the time he’s most soundly asleep. I feed to sleep, and then try to transfer. If I fail, I feed to sleep on the bed and then transfer when I come up later. He’s usually still in a deep sleep then. I’m going to try naps next and then will aim to get him in there for the full night after naps are sorted. Gradual process! No idea what I’ll be doing in terms of the cot in his nursery, I’m hoping once the next to me is nailed the cot won’t be such a big deal. Hope this is a little helpful!

DD suddenly started sleeping in her next to me a couple of weeks ago. Initially I fed until sleepy and then laid her down, sang her the same daft song I made up once when dancing her to sleep (little did I know I’d be singing it forever) and lightly held a muslin over her. Now I just transfer but keep my hand under her head for a few seconds then hold hand on crown of head and other on belly for a minute as that seems to help her relax. Before she screamed every time second put her down anywhere. Persevere, if may pay off eventually!
We both actually sleep better than we go when go sleeping although I miss the snuggles!

Hi there, 4.5 months is still really really young, and waking every two hours is totally normal and may well continue for many months more.
Not trying to depress you, but to shift expectations.
The reality of sleep and evenings with babies is one of the biggest things that parents aren't prepared for, because hardly anyone gives realistic information on the normal number of wake ups etc. It's far less stressful to just accept that you'll need to go to bed earlier, and the bedroom will be shared for a good while, and then move onto helping them feel safe sleeping away from you once they're developmentally ready to do that, which is usually well after a year old or even two.

Please ignore anyone telling you to do controlled crying/cry it out, it's absolutely not advised for babies younger than 12 months, and even then there are many good reasons to not do it at all. With a young baby like this they will have no clue what is happening or why and you will just create a massive amount of distress until they exhaust themselves. That's generally what happens unless, someone has an unusually chilled baby.

Next piece of advice- ignore this whole 'rod for your back' thing. It comes from misinformation that expects babies to sleep like adults. We don't do this for things like eating or excreting, yet we're forcing them to do it with sleep. Just like changing nappies is tedious but we wouldn't leave them in their own mess for hours until they learned to hold it in; I cannot understand why people will something very similar with sleep.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with always soothing your child to sleep gently, even for years. Yes it can be very tiring but it always gets better over time (even if incrementally).
For many people co-sleeping goes on well into toddler-hood and that's fine too. There is no rule you have to put them in a separate cot or separate room.

Ask yourself why you want to do the cot thing. Can you make the situation better if there's something specific bothering you? Is it worth the distress it will cause? This stage will go very fast- the days are long but the years are so short.
Good luck

Hi @InFrance2014 thank you for yiur reply. It's so nice to have reassurance that I'm not doing this all wrong! To be honest with you the reason I'd like to have him in his cot is so that my DH and I have some time together. At present I go to bed with DS as he wakes so frequently it's easier if I just lie there usually on my phone. My DH works long hours so leaves early and late evenings so I never see him and in bed it's the 3 of us.
What I can't fathom is how some people's babies sleep through and some don't...

My daughter is 9 months and we co sleep I'm a single mum so it's hard to run around with her all day then try to get her to sleep in her cot when she is screaming! I've tried letting her cry in there but she gets herself into a state and then ends up not sleeping at all I know I should try a bit harder but honestly I love the fact that I can sleep and function through the day! I know many parents that co sleep, I always said I wouldn't co sleep but for a peaceful life I am haha! If it's working for you and you're happy then keep things as they are!