Giving up with ST. going with flow...

[jessm2109]

Hi all.
I've posted a couple of time regarding sleep training. We have tried controlled crying twice. First time, was interrupted by jabs, teeth and a throat infection.. although it wasn't really working to what I had expected... everyone tells you '3 nights and he'll sleep through' like hell he did.

Second time, I've done 2 weeks, with no improvement. Believe me, I've read every comment and so many others experience with what to try and it just wasn't working.

So, what I'm doing now, is literally going with the flow until he sleeps better naturally..
what has been happening:

Breastfeed in living room
Bath
Stories and cuddle with oat milk
Cuddle and put down awake
9/10 he will go to sleep on his own.

Then, he will do anything between 3-6 hours sleep. Wake.
I feed him, this can take up to 30 mins to resettle - I stay in room. But trying to keep in cot.
If he wakes within the hour, I bring him in with me where he'll feed and I'll pop him in sleepyhead next to me.

What I'm asking really, is, has anyone else just given up with full on sleep training? I'm SO exhausted with it and really am just done. I've realised, with just accepting that he's a bloody awful sleeper, I'm relaxing more, my mental health has had a slight improvement and actually getting MORE sleep because I'm not putting pressure on myself to let him scream the house down.

I just need to vent and ask advice on others 'giving up with ST'

Thanks!

Do what works for you, whatever means you both get as much sleep as possible. I have 2 DCs, both totally different sleepers. If I'd had DC2 first I probably wouldn't have had another!! But don't be afraid to change your approach as your baby gets older. Everyone needs to sleep and some kids need more help than others. You will know what works for your baby and sometimes that is co sleeping, sometimes it's letting them yell. Good luck

I havent tried ST yet but I would strongly advocate going with the flow, as I have become a much happier person since doing so. I've also noticed baby changes what he does quite regularly as he grows, with little intervention from me!

For reference he's 7mo, he goes to bed in his own cot, wakes at least twice a night for BF and will start the day at 5 am.

He used to co sleep until he got to big for next2me and we kept each other awake all night

He's had periods of time where he's woken 7-8 times at night, and periods where he's slept 9h straight (rare!)

Nothing apparently changes or precipitates these events.

We're a littld tired but happy. I'm not going to train him up when he's changing on a weekly basis. If he's still waking up loads when he's a bit older, I'll reassess.

As a bit of a type A personality, I found letting go extremely liberating!!

Hi Jess,

I never did sleep training but I agree there's ample evidence on mumsnet threads that it totally doesn't work quickly or easily for everyone (and that's not even going into why it "works" when it does).

I absolutely advise people on here all the time to let go of unrealistic expectations around sleep. Waking several times a night is absolutely normal. Long bedtimes are normal, etc etc. We all have very screwed up ideas about baby sleep. Some do sleep through, don't need cuddles to fall asleep etc. But millions do!

Stopping thinking it needs fixing is a major mental health step, and instead you can make a big difference by adjusting your own schedules to work with baby's instincts, instead of forcing them to sleep like an adult. Go to bed earlier yourself as much as possible, negotiate lie-ins, sleep with the baby at night, breastfeed lying down if possible to benefit from the hormones released for both of you, and most of all, stop clockwatching /counting the wakeups.
Good luck

Many mums here will attest that second time round, because they were more zen about the whole thing, even if the sleeping was just as disturbed, they felt better.

Thank you all SO MUCH for your replies.
I'm so glad and relieved that I'm not the only one who thinks this and that sleep training should be a necessity. I did think this.. as I've tried twice to no avail. But you're all totally right that just letting go will make for happier Mum and baby. I've gotten into a habit of noting down every wake up, which I need to break. We had a good night the night before last, waking only twice, but last night was 4/5. No reason and nothing different apart from he'd been at nursery for half the day. But he loves it there now.

It has made me feel so much better today reading your replies. I've felt very upset and deflated all morning from not much sleep last night, but I do have to pick myself up and get on with it.. early night for me!! Thanks again ladies xxxxxx

Also, just to add, my little boy is 15 months. So this is why im getting upset and touchy as hes not a tiny baby anymore. I realise this probably habit, but I'm just hoping it'll get better eventually. People say it does...

There will be a point when I feel ready to try something else to help him sleep i'm sure but right now, it's just not a good time.x

Hi

I have a 15mo and have done no sleep training this time. I tried several things with my first baby and nothing made any difference- she did everything when she was ready.

This baby slept better for the first six months. Self settled (!) which was opposite of my first who never did that ever!! Then the sleep went to pot when he started moving.

Currently wakes in the night and gets up very early. Struggling with the 2-1 nap transition due to the really early starts.

Last time I spent ages trying stuff and kept feeling like I was getting it ‘wrong’ which made me really down. This time I have just readjusted my expectations!

The no sleep had had a massive impact on my life though and I’m still struggling. I have no social life, go to bed at 9pm every night and really struggle with my job which is creative and I’m currently just really worn down!

I am just waiting it out as my first now sleeps amazing....! X

15 months is still a baby- they are until they're 2!
This time is very very tough if you have a wakeful sleeper... and I do understand that having had two.
But it absolutely does pass and it will get better in increments, even if there are a few backwards steps now and then. My eldest has slept like a log since she was about 3, having been everything people say is "bad". We tried very very mild ST in the evenings (i.e. leaving the room for 30 seconds max to try and reset playing, and sitting quietly hand holding without looking. I felt like crap when I realised I was ignoring her when all she needed was my help, she wasn't trying to be difficult, so I stopped and was responsive from then on (we always bedshared).
My youngest now 2 had mostly undisturbed nights far younger and more often than eldest ever did, but has never had any form of ST. Yet I have found the whole thing with her vastly less stressful despite the first 18 months being just as difficult as with my eldest. Your perspective on it as a 'problem' vs. just a really tough marathon does make an enormous difference.

Only read your op but oh gosh yes I gave up trying everything. Tbh you baby is doing much better than mine was at all.

I just co slept and bf then he wanted his own room at 22 months and so he started in there then in with me.

I had to night wean at nearly 3 as it was getting too much and we stopped at 3.5.

The thing is between 10 mo and 3 he caught every bug going at nursery. One would be over and the next would come in. And really bad bugs eg scarlet fever x2 etc. Croup, rota virus, Noro virus etc So bf abd cosleeping at night was a coping strategy plus worked a treat for fevers and croup.

When he went to 1 nap he'd sometimes sleep through. He slept soundly next to me but Dh didn't want full cosleeping. (Which this time I'm over ruling). When he dropped naps it took a bit longer to fully sleep through, just after 5.

He was really bad from birth though. Had iugr and silent reflux. It was my coping strategy.