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Help with 7-year-old sleep please

1 reply

user1487797255 · 11/07/2018 20:42

My DD (7) sleeps well through the night, but has always liked me to 'sit in' - that is, stay in the room until she falls asleep. Normally this isn't a problem - lights out at 7.30, asleep by 8 or so - but for some while I've been wanting to help her to fall asleep independently: eg by saying goodnight then shutting the door. This is not always easy as my two DDs share a room and the older one (who can fall asleep fine by herself) can chat or not want to settle. It's always been easier to sit on a chair and tell them 'no talking' and then both are usually asleep early.
Recently it's got harder as younger DD (who is strong-willed) refuses to countenance my leaving her to settle alone. She gets herself into a state if I even mention it and has a deep-rooted fear of me leaving, even if I'm only in the next room. In the evening she protests if I even sit by the door. The result is that if I leave the room and make any sound, even after she seems like she's soundly asleep, she'll sit up in bed and demand I go back and sit in the chair. Ridiculous, I know, but she gets into a state and has been known to stay awake for hours after that. So I've always gone with the easier option - stay in the chair, wait for her to sleep, creep out.
Has anyone had a similar situation or can anyone offer good advice? I know I've created a rod for my own back. DD has always liked being the baby of the family and is not keen to grow up/be independent. I probably need to get tougher but I also need my evenings! DD doesn't respond well to incentives eg. rewards for good behaviour - also her distress at my leaving is genuine, and I don't want to be tough unnecessarily. I need to find a way to motivate her and help her to take responsibility and trust in herself more. Many thanks

OP posts:
FATEdestiny · 11/07/2018 21:59

She needs to trust that you will stay in order for her to feel safe, so this needs you you always stay until she is completely asleep. But that goes to mean you can't make progress towards independant sleep. Just make the steps very gradual.

If your start point is sitting on the floor next to her bed until she is asleep, your first step might be sitting next to the bed but facing side-on to her, not face on. Still stay until asleep.

Then sit an arms-reach away from the bed. If she's distressed, go close did cuddle to settle. Once calm, retreat your arms length away and still sat by the bed. Always stay until asleep, she needs to trust you won't sneak away without her knowing.

Once she's ok with you being an arms reach away (which might be a week or two), move from the floor to sit on a chair. Still stay until asleep, go closer if did needs you but retreat when calm.

After a few weeks, move the chair further away again. Give it a few more days/weeks. Then chair by the door, still staying until asleep.

Then start standing by the door, not sitting. Give that several days. Once she's alright with you standing by the door, start on the "I'm just popping to the toilet, I'll only be a minute" kind if thing. Put things away, tidy up. Basically develop reasons and excuses to leave the door for a minute or two. But always, always go back. Make the little jobs you have to do more frequent, always saying you'll check back.

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