Bedtime Bedlam 7mo - I need help!!!

[ameliahunt]

hello,

long time reader but first time poster. I have used mumsnet for a number of issues/questions I've had during my pregnancy and throughout my life of DD.

She is now 7 months old and having a terrible time at night - I'm at the end of my tether. She has been formula fed since she was born and after around 7 weeks she used to sleep for 6-8 hours in a co sleeper in her sleepy head at night. (we thought we had it easy, little did I know)

Around 2 months ago she outgrew her sleepyhead and started to want to roll and sleep on her side. We had her in the co sleeper for around 2 weeks and then moved her into her own room.

About 1.5months ago she had really bad sleep regression. When I put her to bed she wakes up after 20- 30mins and continues to wake frequently for the next 2-3 hours. She is well fed through out the day 4 feeds and 3 meals. Sometimes I give her less milk during the day and dreamfeed her.

Sometimes she has rolled on to her back and wants me to readjust her to her side. Sometimes her dummy comes out. (though she doesn't use the dummy everynight).

Sometimes she will just go back to sleep after waking up screaming, but other times she will cry for like an hour before going back to bed.

I have tried everything - we have a routine at bedtime. Food then 1 hour later, Bath, then Milk. In a darkened nursery with no noise apart from white noise from sheep when she is ready.

I have tried bringing her back to my bed. But there isnt enough space to roll and it feels like she is waking up more often (she likes to roll around a lot I thought this was the issue, but even on a double mattress on the floor of her nursery she still wakes up)

Then she is also waking up in the early hours of the morning around 4am-5am and has a cuddle and goes back to sleep but she is then waking up every 20-30mins again.

I just don't know what do, at first I thought she was just teething and tried bongela, anbersol, granules. Calpol, Nurofen ( not in the same night obviously and not every night as I do not want to over medicate her) nothing is working. My night is ruined and I haven't had more than 2hours sleep for months.

I need your advice and guidance. I am living on a fear that she will wake up and this fear is preventing me from sleeping and I feel like a bad mum because all I want is for her to be able to sleep for longer than 2-3hours.

Amelia.

H Amelia,

You aren't a bad mum. This level of waking is still normal for a large amount of babies. My best advice would be for you to adjust your own sleep. Get to bed earlier in the evenings, and see if your partner can take a share in the overnight stuff- if there's a double mattress in the nursery, send them in and they have to deal with it all until like 4 am. Then if you go to sleep at 10, you'll have a really long stretch. Being formula fed, there's less chance that your daughter will be stuck on absolutely needing you to get back to sleep.

Good luck, it does get better, but remember she's being a normal 7 month old, it;s still very young.

Can you put the big cot next to your bed? Even if it means taking a chest of drawers out of your room it will be worth it for making your sleep easier.

I'd also give her the dummy every night. In fact every sleep time.

What's her daytime sleep routine like? She sounds overtired at night.

What bedding are you using in her cot?

This all sounds normal? My 8mo (third child) wakes about 5 tines between 7.30pm and 11pm, then again around 3am before being up between 5.30am and 6.30am. I don’t consider this to be too bad.
My other two children were the same. It takes a while for them to learn to sleep properly in that first part of the evening.
We don’t stress about it (it doesn’t come to an end), we just go in cuddle, give the dummy back, lay dc3 on his side etc. Then go back to trying to watch telly!
No need to leave your baby to cry. This is all normal in my experience

Amelia, I know not everyone agrees with it, but have you considered sleep training?
We did it at 6.5 months and were at the end of our tether. Have rarely looked back except for illness x

It does come to an end that should have said..

What's your daytime routine? Feeds, mealtimes and naps?

Thanks all for your messages, reassuring to hear that it’s quite normal. We tried controlled crying for a couple of nights but my husband and I are just not comfortable with the approach.
In terms of LO’s routine, she is normally stirring around 4.30am but goes back to sleep then wakes properly at 7.30am ish when she has her first feed. A couple of hours later she has breakfast and then will nap from around 10.30 - 11. She cat naps in the day as well, constantly waking. She then has another milk feed around midday, lunch at 2pm then a nap around 3-30pm (it does vary tho on daily basis). We do another milk feed around 4pm, dinner at 6pm followed by short nap then bathtime, milk and bed around 8.30pm. A lot of things seem to point to over tiredness and late bedtime so today we tried a bed time of 7.30pm. Slightly better so far, only a few wake ups in 3 hours. I’ve at least had some ‘me’ time and now hubby can chip in.
Thanks for all the advice, fingers crossed for tonight

Can you cut out the after dinner nap and go straight for bath, bed and bottle? That might help.
But honestly, all my kids have been like this until they get to the age of 1. Going up and down the stairs is annoying but just how it is! It will get better. Your baby’s overnight sleep actually sounds quite good.
The best thing to do is to go with it and don’t stress about it (or about daytime naps.... an afternoon nap of a few hours will become the norm). Just try to watch telly in between all the disruption, have a glass of wine and know it will improve.
Abd well done for giving up on controlled crying. Your poor baby doesn’t understand what’s going on. She’s not trying to be naughtiness

*naughty
Daft autocorrect!

My LO did something like this and it worked for us

7:30 up, breakfast and milk
9:15/9:30 - 10 nap. Max 45 mins and woken by 10 regardless of time went to sleep
11:30 lunch
12:30 milk
12:30/13:00 -15:00 nap max 2 hours and woken by 3pm regardless of time went to sleep
15:00 light snack
17:00 dinner
18:00 milk, bath, bedtime routine
19:00 asleep

Too many catnaps / not enough quality sleep is probably messing her up but in all fairness babies vary massively and what works for one , won't work for another. We got the above routine from a sleep specialist as we had issues at 5 months with allergy which caused 15+ wakeups

I agree with Oly5. A nap at 6pm is pretty late. I would try and have bedtime more like 7-7.30 pm, with no nap beforehand.
But the number of wakes in general in the evening is still normal, both mine had long phase around this age where there were about 3-5 wakes, very brief, between bedtime around 7.30 and my bedtime, i.e. about 11pm. Then average 2-3 wakeups overnight until 6.30-7.30am. It's hard but normal, there is no need to do sleep training, then will grow out of it. Personally I;d advise looking for ways to top up your own sleep significantly. Go to bed at 8pm for two nights a week, husband can deal with evening wakes if they're simple.
Also, sanity saver is to accept it will be like this for a while, and stop clock-watching/counting the wakeups. It makes you feel so much worse to keep track of it, I've been there!

Hi you're not alone. We've been control crying y 7 month old for 6 weeks after cosleeping (not my choice but seemed to be the only way we got any sleep). She started waking hourly so put her in her own room. First 2 weeks were too easy, rolled on her front and slept! For the last 4 weeks she either cries on going down or wakes after 45 minutes then cries. A few times she's settled herself, but due to the heat and my lack of bf confidence I've gone and fed her. She calms and I out her down awake and she then sleeps until anytime between 11.30-2.

Lately the crying has really upset me. I thought CC took a few days not weeks and feel I'm torturing her. I'm fed up of worrying whether what we're doing is right. Im told she's clever and knows how to get a cuddle (wtf?!?), but what if it's teething, illness, the heat etc. Or what if she does just want a cuddle? She's 7 months! I don't sleep well without my partner next to me, so why do I expect her to.

So tonight we scrapped it. My other half picked her up, sang to her and out her down awake but sang to her whilst leaving the room, and she's asleep. For how long who knows??

I think all on here do what they feel us right, and that is how it should be... be it controlled crying, co sleeping, no sleeping... mummies, you're just trying to do what feels right. I now understand the true horrificness, wonderfulness that is being a parent. I hope you all manage some sort of sleep tonight and trust your baby is dreaming of you. Xx

But I get the fear of waiting for them to wake up... I watch the monitor at the 45 minute mark every nap and bedtime praying...

Catheroooo to reassure you, a 7 month old is in no way capable of being as manipulative as people seem to have been implying. Crying isn't a fake trick to get attention, it's a sign of distress, they live in the moment and the emotion until well into pre-schooler age. They just can't try and trick you when they're still babies.
And you're totally right, they need hugs at all hours of the day this age and much much older! Best way to get a confident baby is by responsive parenting, and this includes their night needs, even if they're knackering.

Thanks everyone. Some really useful tips from many of you. Dovegrey18, we have moved bedtime to 7.30pm and have naturally fallen into a routine similar to what you had for your LO. And have cut the evening nap as suggested. It’s only been a few days so I don’t want to curse it but seems to have made an improvement. Slightly less wake ups so I’m at least getting somewhat of an evening. Having heard from you all that this is pretty normal as well I am trying to be a bit more accepting and just go with it!! LO is certainly getting better at self settling, she often now rolls over and settles back to sleep rather than waking, so maybe there is hope in sight!! Having a few hours solid sleep has certainly made me more positive and able to deal with the few wake ups we’re still having.
Catheroooo, from what others have said it sounds like we just need to ride out this phase that all babies go through. I completely agree that us mums are just all trying our best and all babies are different so we need to do what feels right for our little one. Advice on here has been really helpful, thanks all

You do both need to ride it out. As a mother of three, there is absolutely no need for controlled crying. They all learn to sleep eventually.
My 8mo has woken five times tonight between 7pm and 11pm.. it’s very tiring! But he’s not manipulating me.. he just can’t settle, whether it be teeth, heat, over tiredness. He can’t use words to tell me. So I cuddle him back to sleep, sing to him or rock him or just lean over the cot. Whatever works. I’m in bed next to him reading a book so have had some sort of evening. This is just how it is for now.. it does get better. The more relaxed about it you can be, the better. It’s all a phase!