“Drowsy but awake” and self settling

[Gromonster]

My little 15 week old typically wakes every cycle, although lately she’s been managing a few longer ones and often does 3 hours at the start of the night.

I confess to rocking her to sleep before popping her in her Moses basket. In the night I can often settle her by putting her down wriggling but eyes closed and holding her hand, but if I were to try “drowsy but awake” at the start of the night or in the day, all hell would break loose!

I understand the logic behind teaching her to self settle as we’re approaching four month sleep change, and I think getting more continuous sleep would be better for her (she doesn’t always wake to feed, just wakes and needs me to help her get back to sleep) but I’m on the fence about trying to teach her using “drowsy but awake” etc as I assume babies do all learn this skill on their own eventually (since I don’t know any adults who need rocking to sleep!)

I know she’s a young baby and I’m happy to continue helping her if needed.

Please could you tell me about your experiences?

I'm going through the same! Wish I could offer some advice but interested in hearing replies from other mums who have managed it.
You have my solidarity op!

It's a myth. None of my 3 have ever done the drowsy thing. They were either asleep or awake.
I fed DCs 2&3 to sleep for 18 m then progressed to cuddling to sleep. Sorry not much help!
They're little for such a short time, and while it sounds great to be able to pop them down and they drift off to sleep (it does happen apparently) don't worry off yours don't. Use the time to practice pelvic floor exercises!

My daughter is 2. Never mastered the drowsy but awake thing and I definitely tried! She would eventually scream herself to sleep, unless the screaming had caused her to throw up! She has a bottle before being put in her cot and then goes to sleep by herself now. Every child and every parent is different. I have a friend who used to be very smug about sleep training, then she had dc2 and she admits she can't sleep train her. Do what you think is best.

I have 2 ds, ds1 always had to be rocked to sleep in our arms then put down oh so gently (and often then woke up again!). Ds2 from birth settled himself! And was a dream baby.

Ds1 learnt to settle himself in time and is the calmest child and very well behaved.
Ds2 crawled early, as soon as he learnt he could move by himself he never looked back, decided only idiots settle themselves to sleep and is a crazy child! He sleeps well now, but gosh from 6-18 months he was a NIGHTMARE and at 3.5 he STILL gets in our bed in the night and wakes ridiculously early.
The moral of the story is...be careful what you wish for!!!

Interesting... I think after hours and hours of research about sleep (mostly conducted during the night!) what I have ultimately learnt is that babies are weird, and all babies are different!

I think I will try gently encouraging drowsy but awake etc but otherwise continue as we are until she’s a bit older.

Sometimes at the very darkest 3am I have considered paying a squillion pounds to a sleep consultant but I can’t imagine what they’ll tell me that I haven’t already read. If they came out overnight it might make a difference but seems to be day consultations

I have to shamefully admit to sleep training at 5.5 months. DD would bmnever be out down from birth so slept on me for naps and in bed at night. It was never a comfortable arrangement and at 4.5 months she started waking hourly to comfort feed to sleep. After 6 weeks of this it isn't a lie to say I was ready to jump off a bridge and she began looking tired and wouldn't settle v well for naps on me either. So we sleep trained her to sleep in her own room. It broke my heart to do it and if I could have carried on as we were I would have. On the first night she cried for 35 mins (We went into check) she rolled on her tummy and slept. For two weeks it was a dream like this and I assumed that had been the problem all along: she just wasn't comfortable. We always lay her down on her back but she would immediately roll over. It still panics me now so I invested in a breathing monitor. After 2 weeks she began to either cry when we put her down or wake up after 45 minutes (a sleep cycle). Her naps are v hit and miss in length and she is v easily stimulated so think that was causing it. After 4 weeks if he'll at night with controlled crying she seems to have settled now easier at bed.

Anyway... if I could rock and sing her to sleep I would but I know she would wake immediately on going down, and i wont put her down on her front for fear of SIDS so we slept trained. To me though rocking, singing, feeding is a lovely way to fall asleep and if it is working for you don't worry about what you should be doing . If it's not then equally don't worry about sleep training. I make sure I give my baby plenty of love, time and cuddles in the day to make her feel secure. Follow your gut, you know your baby best.

Sorry about the spellings, predictive text!
Just to add, in the early days she would wake every 20 minutes even if I could put her down! At 15 weeks old I think you're getting really good chunks of sleep and this is likely to continue. But yes the 4 month regression may kick in... again, trust your gut xx

One more thing! Baby never slept well in the car or pram... I think in the main due to the tummy sleeping, but equally I think I have reinforced that with sleep training, so we are housebound so she can nap well otherwise bed is a nightmare. Given she's nearing 7 months we only have around 2-3 hour wake time windows which makes getting out hard! I'd live it if she slept in the pram or carseat. I figure it's my penalty for the training!

Drowsy stuff is not true, it doesn't work for all babies, some will never do it.
Please don't feel you need to "confess" to rocking you baby to sleep, it's natural, cosy, loving. By far the easiest way to have long term sleep success is to go with the baby's instinct which is to be close to you, and to NEED help to get back to sleep. They're still learning.
Adjust your own routines, get more sleep yourself, don't try and go to bed at normal 11pm or whatever.
The amount of times I read about sleep training on here and people say it worked, then it didn't , then bedtimes later became horrific and full of crying and distress anyway.
Every baby is different. drowsy will work for some, but please don't think you or your baby are doing something wrong if it doesn't. Babies needing close cuddles or milk to sleep is normal and healthy. Try and find a way that you can both get what you need instead of forcing the baby to stop their behaviour before they're ready to sleep longer. It can take years, but that's normal.
Also- sleeping alone under 6 months is a SIDS risk, sleeping for hours without rousing especially when alone is a SIDS risk. I would be concerned about that too.

I was about to say what InFrance said. You're not confessing, you're doing something natural that works!

I still occasionally rock and sway my (heavy) 12 mo if that works, BF to sleep if that works, pram, carrier, car, bedshare. Whatever. He's improving but I'm not prepared to sleep train. FULL STOP.

Hi. Feel compelled to respond that I agree if what you're doing is working then absolutely do it. I still would in a heartbeep. Unfortunately there are babies who find it more difficult to stay asleep through sleep cycles (Think wake up every 20 minutes) and parents who can't cope with that. Either they have the modern pressures of sadly having to go to work and function there, or they just can't function on so little sleep. Having to feed or rock or sing a baby to sleep every 20 minutes through the night is just too much for some parents and I don't think they are worse parents because of it.

There are also some babies who get more stimulated or upset with gentler sleep training methods such as shush pat or gradual retreat, and Controlled crying is the only way. I feel guilty every single day for doing it, but equalkyenjoy seeing my bright eyed bushy tailed baby every morning instead of the bag filled, yawning grumpy mess we both were.

I think unless you've been in those sorts of situations and been that low that you can't tell someone your personal opinion of sleep training.

Yeah I am in the boat of having to teach DS to self settle else he wakes evry 40min. The draw back is that every tooth, illness, holiday you have to re-teach them as everything goes out of whack. I am lucky as DS takes maybe 48 hours to set back on track and there is no real crying involved. We use gradual retreat but only to the grizzle stage. We are lucky with that though. And we only did it afte 3 months of 40min wake ups and feed to sleep. I was shattered! Best advice is do what works for as long as it works