BF-friendly routine books/methods to read up about for first baby?

[pandarific]

I'm 24 weeks with first baby and would like to start reading up about different sleep / feeding routines to see what might work for us.

I'm hoping to BF, and if - fingers crossed - delivery goes well and we're home soon after I'd like to spend the first few weeks focusing on establishing it. That said, if it really doesn't work I'm quite happy to bottle feed, but I'd like to aim for the BF first.

Could you give me the benefit of your experience and recommend some good routine books/methods to read which are compatible with BF? I'd like to do a good bit of research into the various methods, so a list is fine.

Honest ideal would be as much sleep as possible for us me as I'm at higher risk of PND and I really struggle with low mood and general feeling like a bag of shite on no sleep while DH, the bastard, is fine while doing the absolute best by the baby and not causing elevated cortisol/stress.

I know you asked about BF books specifically OP but just to add the Week by Week for a baby's first year was helpful as a reference and I really enjoyed the Mumsnet books because they were funny and in the early days it was good to laugh!

I also agree that support groups for BF would be useful but you might not have any issues at all. X

I did all the research, read loads of books, joined all the Facebook groups and got quite stressed out with what DS 'should' be doing. After a few months I had a bit more confidence and just responded to his cues and my own instincts. I've always breastfed on demand, and started cosleeping after a few months which saved my sanity. Your baby will probably settle themselves into a naps/feeds routine by a few months old if left to their own devices anyway, you don't need to force it.

Rhythm not routine - I love this!

I completely get where you are coming from, I was exactly the same! DD is 13 months old now.

I did find that despite the 1000 books I read, that for me a routine really was not compatible with BF. DD fed for hours on end (very normal) and was totally unpredictable. She was pretty unsettled whenever she wasn’t on the breast. I suffered with PND and in all honestly the lack of sleep and constant BF contributed to that.

Personally, I found it soul destroying, and switched to FF at 6 weeks. For us that was the best thing we could have done- within a couple of weeks she had got herself into a great routine, and was sleeping through the night. She still has a great routine now and sleeps like a champion. (On the other hand, my best friend’s breastfed babies fed pretty much 4hrly and once at night since a few days old, of their own accord - you just don’t know what your baby will be like!)

I would say yes, do some reading, but keep your options open, and be aware that tiny babies, particularly when breastfed, do not necessarily respond to routine attempts. Go with the flow and follow your baby’s cues. And I think you have a great approach to formula - if BF isn’t working for you all then formula is a great option.

With regards to books, I really liked the EASY routine (baby whisperer), combined with a little bit of the Gina Ford routine (GF really isn’t BF compatible though). Another great book was the Baby Sleep Guide by Stephanie Modell. The take away message from most of these books is to avoid feeding to sleep, whether bottle or breastfed.

Also I spent a lot of time on the sleep boards on here, which are great.

Wishing you all the best with your new baby!

Blissful baby expert is a routine and covers establishing breastfeeding as well as breastfeeding as part of the routine.

I like the no cry sleep solution, but I’m glad I am only reading it now when my boy is 6 months.

I am also researchy person. Problem is, you can’t problem solve babies in the same way you can other things! You have to find your own way, but I echo others saying allow yourself to discover your own baby and what their ways are.

I actually found it helpful to deal with problems as they arose. My top sources were:

Kellymom
BabyBuddy app - genuinely rate this, can have in pregnancy and then when baby is new. Signposts to local services too
Here!
Local la leche league Facebook group
Local breastfeeding groups

Our boy was/ is a sicky boy and some of the official advice you get is so far removed from my reality. Best to get the info relevant to your baby as you need it I’d say.

Just remember, the baby won't have read the books

This.

First thing - fourth trimester. You need to understand your baby will only want you to recreate womb conditions for the first 13 weeks. So cuddling, feeding on demand, being held and rocked to sleep. Anything else is for your benefit, not theirs.

Also try and get your head around breastfeeding. It’s not like a garden tap. During the first 2 weeks the baby will feed constantly in order to set the demand. It’s not met instantly. There are growth spurts and cluster feeding and you have no way of knowing how your baby will be. (Mine had a dented jaw from forceps, so too sore to suck, which combined with no hunger due to a tummy full of mucus meant I expressed all of her milk for the first year. Never planned it!)

Some great advice on here. My suggestions are more around practicalities than routines.

1. Seriously consider a co-sleeper crib, or side-along crib, or whatever they're called - something like the Chicco Next to Me or the Snuzpod, in short, a crib that attaches to the bed. They're great in terms of having the baby right next to you and not having to bend - especially if you end up with a C-section (as I did).

2. Do not assume you are doing anything wrong if baby refuses to sleep in said crib, or indeed anywhere but on you.

3. Feel free to persevere with putting baby down in said crib, trying tricks such as warming it first with a hot water bottle, waiting until baby is completely sparko before transferring him/her. Do not think you are doing anything wrong if baby wakes from the deepest sleep imaginable the minute his/her head hits the mattress and roars in protest.

4. Look up safe co-sleeping guidance from a reputable source (something like the Lullaby Trust) well in advance of your due date. You may not intend to co-sleep but if you're desperate at 3am, much better to know how to do it safely than accidentally passing out in an armchair with baby (now, that is dangerous).

Of course, you may well be lucky and your baby may be a naturally good sleeper. But if you get one who runs on the same operating system as mine, the above may come in handy

I'm another one advising to avoid the books!!! Fatted I can definitely relate to your experience!!

Every time I read a book I inevitably ended up in tears because I was doing it all wrong. I wasn't.

There was another thread recently that touched on baby books. Two takeaway messages fromm that were 1) there was a link to a study that correlated PND with reading those damn books (I could well believe it caused it) and 2) if there was a "right way" the NHS would hand it out on discharge from hospital.

I won't even give those books to a charity shop because I don't want another mother to feel as miserable as I did reading them.

Just 10 days in here, but persevering as this is second DC and couldn't feed the first mostly because of crap information and lack of support.

We've got this far because of Medela nipple shields for 48hours at 3days old. It was that or not feeding him myself.

Came on to say ante-natal expressing. Get your midwife to show you how to do it. Spending a bit of time expressing before the birth helped me to understand how my breasts actually work. I was expressing because of medication which could affect baby's sugars, but the upside was that I had a box full of colostrum filled syringes in hospital for the first few days.

We do roughly the same things at roughly the same time and in roughly the same order with DD every day and have done from early days. She's been very easy and I think a lot of it was to do with having a loose routine, but not a regimen.

Just be aware that the Baby Whisperer isn’t evidence based and is actually on the Kellymom books to avoid list.

Thanks everyone, this has all been very useful for me, so brilliant! I will still read the books for knowledge and ideas, but will avoid assuming my baby will behave as they describe, as of course he’ll come with his own ideas about things.

Came on to say ante-natal expressing
I was not even aware this was a thing! I’ll definitely ask about it, thanks.

The whole cot lashed to bed thing is a good shout, that’s my initial plan, with a sleepyhead inside it, and in a gro-snug, so we can see what he prefers, swaddling or arms free.

I honestly wouldn't read any books. I read some before my first baby and they made me feel like a failure when I actually had my daughter because she didn't respond in the way the books said she would. Please just go with the flow and don't try to over plan things because with babies things often don't go the way you imagine!

Good point on antenatal
Expressing.
It took a while for my milk to come in, was great to have for my hulking great DS

Yes, buy lots of books, all the books.
When the baby arrives, retire you and the baby to your bedroom explaining to the world that you must read all the books.
Stay in your bedroom for about 3 months feeding changing and cuddling the baby as the baby demands. Use the books to build a large barricade to keep people out...apart from a kindly person popping Chinese, Macdonalds, dips and Doritos, and Magnums through a small gap st the top of the barricade.
Sorted.

Sarah Ockwell the gentle sleep book. It explains how babies sleep changes over the months and why it's a bad idea to fight against it, instead of just going with it and having realistic expectations.

turmericky I love your idea!

I know lots of people are saying not to read books, and I totally get the reasoning, but it made me FEEL more prepared and more excited about baby to read some during pregnancy. And breastfeeding is tricky (22 months and counting), so it's good to have information about it before starting.

I also think that the books I read were more balanced and helpful than many internet sites, which were what I ended up looking at when it was something that wasn't in the book. Baby sleep websites particularly guilty of making me feel like a total failure that was damaging my baby because she didn't fit the pattern! Websites that sell packages only make money out of you if they make you feel rubbish enough that you pay them for their services, a book you have already paid for! Kellymom was the exception to this, helpful and non-judgemental, and not trying to sell you something!