I'm exhausted with bedtimes!!! Send help

[whyIsARavenLikeAWritingDesk]

I've got an 18 month old daughter who used to be a dream when going to bed, slept through the night and so so happy through the day...that was until 3-4 months ago.
Stopped sleeping through, screaming for ages when it's bedtime and really whingey and cranky through the day which I guess is down to lack of sleep.
We've tried controlled crying since this started and nothing is changing!!! Tonight has taken longer than an hour after putting down to bed, don't worry I have just left her to cry for all that time.
She has a comforter, dark room and white noise. PLEASE HELP ME IM EXHAUSTED!!!

Could it be separation anxiety? I'm sure I remember reading somewhere that this is about the age where they have a big developmental leap that can unsettle them for a while. i assume that means it will pass on its own if you mAintain nice calm familiar routine with maybe extra cuddles during the day and just before bedtime?

How about a night light?

She had a nightlight and then this started when she was a little younger so I took it out as a last ditch attempt and it helped but now we have reverted back to this.
She gets herself in such a state, I thought controlled crying was supposed to work.

So for example she eventually went to sleep at 2050 after a 1930 bedtime last night, woke at 0030,0230 then woke crying at 0600 for the day.
She has one nap at 1130 for 90 mins usually but I think yesterday it was near to 2 hours.
Anyone see anything wrong?

Afraid I'm not in a position at all to comment on routines/timings as I'm having routine issues with my own DD (22 months) at the moment. Are you thinking she might be overtired?

Could something be bothering her when she wakes? Options I can think of:

Separation anxiety/something developmental as already mentioned
Uncomfortable - could the heat be bothering her? Is she getting tangled up in sheets (mine won't tolerate a sheet for long)
Teething - has she got any molars yet? My DD woke up a lot when hers were comb through, they bothered her much more than other teeth did, but that passed once they were through

I wouldn't suggest a night light, I'm sure they aren't helpful until they're much older.

I really feel for you.. her day time sleep sounds good. Is she really tired at 11.30? If not you could try pushing it back to 12 so she's awake less long at night time.

Do you have an evening and bedtime routine? I find if we eat late DS is harder to get down.

Like pp said, are her teeth ok? DS is also 18 months and has pretty much constantly been teething the last couple of months.

I think this is the age when they start getting bad dreams as their imagination develops.

What time does she wake up/ go to bed? My 16 month old will not go to sleep til 11pm sometimes if she's had longer than an hour's nap later on in the day?

Perhaps she's ready to drop the nap completely or limit it to an hour max. I'd try limiting it to an hour and see how that goes.

If I allow my DD to sleep more than 2 hours in the day or past 2pm she's a nightmare to get down on a night, so I limit her and it works. She's not cranky with it. By 18 months it might well be that she needs even less through the day and an even earlier wake up time.

Good luck!

@Sunnydays1980 11pm? Wow. I'd go insane. DD is no later than 7pm. I need my evenings! Hence limiting how late she sleeps in the day time.

Soooo last night I changed her routine slightly!instead of being downstairs in her sleeping bag with milk having a bedtime story I took her upstairs and we read 2 stories in a low light, milk and then I put her in her cot with a blanket and she settled quicker, still had to go in twice but no where near as bad as it has been!!
I think it's a separation thing as I've jut started back at work after a few months off and when I'm going in to her room she putting her arms up for a cuddle which she has never done before.
Here's hoping it's the start of something.

It does sound like separation anxiety. I find the best way to deal with this is with compassion so she doesn't feel anxious.

Have you thought about something as simple as teaching her to lie herself down at bedtime? So put her in the bottom standing up every time she's put to bed. Tap the mattress and ask her to lie down herself. Lots of posiyive praise when she does.

These small steps towards independance can be great ways to help her settle better on her own.

How much are you doing when you go in to her when she cries? If the crying is rewarded with lots of attention and cuddles until she settles then it is likely to continue every night. As hard as it is it's probably best to go in very briefly, say the same thing every time, eg. 'it's night time, time to sleep' no more than one quick cuddle and go back out even if she's still crying. This is quite a harsh approach but I think it's even harder for you and her if doing it by halves is prolonging it. Apologies if that's what you're already doing.

Also has to be very consistent - if you feel bad and give extra attention even once then it will seem worth it to her to try to hold out for and keep crying for