18 days old - am I doing it right?

[Pittcuecothecookbook]

Hi all

My daughter is 2.5 weeks old. Sleep and feeds are all over the place, in that there is absolutely no set times or 'routine' - we just let her sleep when she wants (either in sleepyhead or on someone (parent or grandparent, usually)) and I breastfeed her when she makes early cues like sticking her tongue out, sucking her hand etc. At night we keep the lights low and don't talk loudly.

She wakes in the night - obviously! - and sometimes settles herself after a feed and wakes between 2 and 4 hours for the next feed. I feel like I've won the lottery these nights. Sometimes she will just not settle and feeds constantly, brings up milk and is very windy. We just take those nights as they come and me and my husband share holding her while the other gets a sleep in and then swap (or to me again if she's hungry). Last night was one of these, feeding every hour, making very strained noises and being sick after feeding.

My question is: are w doing what we are supposed to be doing?!

During the day, we don't wake her but when she is awake, we read and sing to her, give her tummy time, do skin to skin, and take her for walks in the sling or pram (and she'll nod off.)

I've spoken to grandparents but their advice sometimes seems outdated ("we were always told to put them to sleep on their front" or "we put DS in his own room at 3 days") so hoping for some more current advice from here.

Should we be waking her up during the day if she sleeps 3 or 4 hours, or should we be having any kind of routine at night? Help!

My DD is only 10 weeks old, but looking back at those early days I don't think there's such a thing as doing right or wrong, more just doing whatever you need to get through the day as best you can

Eventually your LO will likely start to settle themselves into a routine. My DD has changed her routine a few times already but we've always just gone with it and now she's really good.

It will get easier!

What does your routine look like now Sly? When you say it's changed a few times naturally, how do you mean? Ours seems different everyday! Haha

It is absolutely normal to have no sense of routine at such a tiny age. What she’s doing is totally normal. Cluster feeding is important to establish supply, and there’s so many growth spurts in the first months so with BF babies it can feel like they are never off the boob. It’s common for this to be at night as the milk has more prolactin or something like that. If she’s sleeping 3/4 hours during the day then she could have day and night mixed a bit which again is totally normal as she has no sense of this yet. Some people will say keep things bright during the day and dark at night to guide her but tbh I feel they settle and grow out of it naturally.

So you are doing definitely doing what you are meant to be doing. Feed on demand, keep her close and do what you need to to both get enough rest. Don’t worry about routine, it’s far to early and they change so much, so fast when they are tiny. Let her lead and trust your instincts.

DS was EBF and didn’t have a routine untill 6 months.

BFing is hard in the early days- no one tells you just how hard it can be. You’re doing a fantastic job! Congrats on your little one ❤️

Sounds perfect to me OP , my little one is 16 weeks and we are only now in a very loose / flexible "routine"

Do what works for you and your family! Congratulations!

Ok brilliant, thanks so much for the advice. That's made me feel more confident with what we are doing x

Hey op, my baby is 3 weeks old tomorrow. Im bf too so I know how you feel, it's getting easier though. There was one night where he was awake, feeding, being sick from 10pm till 5:30am when I tried putting him down he cried 😴😴 so I cried. I also get told bfed babies don't get wind, which is obviously not true... So I didn't know I had to wind him which made it worse at first.

When I realised it was a combination of cluster feeding and just wanting a cuddle, it became easier to manage. On the nights (more late evening now) he cluster feeds I feed him and he eventually drifts off. I bought him a gro-swaddle and that has been fantastic! As he doesn't realise I've put him down so now he wakes every 2-4 hours like you said... So it sounds completely normal to me.

I also started writing down all his feeds on a piece of paper, you can see if a routine is being established and also helps to keep track of which boob you last used 😁

I bet you're doing an amazing job! x

She's goes to bed now at about 9.30, up at 4am for a feed then up at 7am. Down for a nap for a couple of hours about half 10 (hence the late reply - this is my bath and housework time ) then has another couple of shorter naps later in the day.

DH and I haven't tried to enforce that routine though, we've just followed her feeding/sleeping cues and took it from there!

I just meant that in order to get to this point we've had one weeks where she had shorter naps but more of then, and then other weeks where her nap times were all different etc

I just try and go with the flow now, and I feel confident that if we have a couple of bad days/nights with her then following day it could all change again!

It sounds like you're doing amazingly

Sounds perfect to me. You have to let baby lead the way with sleep and feeds at that age.

Routine will come on its own :)

At about 6 weeks they kind of get night from day- think this just happens to be honest.

Ah this has really helped!

Sounds very normal and like your doing a great job. No routine yet- look out for cues and meet their needs is perfect!

Sounds like you are doing a great job. My pediatrician told me when dd2 was born to let her nap during the day in a room with daylight as it helps babies produce melatonin at the right times and set their circadian rythms quickly. This should result in lighter sleep during the day and deeper (longer?) sleep at night.

He also said that hunger is one of the strongest human instincts and it's almost impossible to sleep though, so he didn't recommend ever waking a baby for feeds (unless there was a medical reason).

Could have done with this advice for dd1 (who was a bit of pickle sleeping and feeding 13 years ago) but seemed to work for dd2.

Keep doing what your doing. You are doing great :) My little one is four months now and we have just let her lead us and now the routine is establishing nicely :) x

I always just let my lb lead me and he was a few months old before we established any sort of 'routine'. Please don't worry, sounds like you're doing an amazing job!

My ds is nearly six months now and was exactly like yours in the early days. We fed on demand and he just slept when he needed to. We do have a bit of a routine now in the morning and evening, and during the day we watch for tiredness cues to settle him down for a sleep. Sometimes he sleeps for 20 minutes, sometimes it's 2 hours. We pretty much follow his lead, just making sure he doesn't get too tired because then he gets grumpy!

Thanks everyone for your replies. I am struggling to shake the anxiety that I'm doing something wrong. Today she has constantly fed pretty much and has been awake since 3.15pm today (now 9pm). Wondering whether the hot weather is affecting her. She's had lots of dirty and wet nappies today.

She is still waking 2 hourly at night, sometimes hourly tbh, but online it says at 3 weeks she should be sleeping more like 4 hours in one go at night. She is feeding very frequently during the day.

Her arms and legs are constantly failing around, but she won't be swaddled. I read online that this is potentially a sign of autism.

Everytime my other half holds her she just starts bobbing on and sucking his chest and grizzling. This has been every half hour this afternoon.

I being an anxious first time mum but how do you stop second guessing everything - argh!

A dummy might help her to comfort suck, esp when you’re trying to get your partner to settle her. He can just use his finger too.

I’ve got a small one too and try to loosely do 1 hour awake, 2 asleep during the day. I do wake her up to feed her. I do a bath every day between 6-7pm and we wake up for the day between 7-8am. No lights or talking during nighttime. We’re getting there!

how old is your little one robin? How often does she wake and feed at night? What happens if she doesn't fall asleep after an hour of being awake?

I wanted to avoid dummies until she was a few weeks older as I didnt want it to affect my milk supply which is why I haven't expressed yet either. I'm such a stress head, I hate it

5 weeks old now. Wakes up around every 3 hours at night for a feed. If she doesn’t fall asleep very easily, I’ll stop trying for 5 minutes then try again. Second dc and the first was shocking if overtired so I’m very aware of it.

Imo dummies only work if the baby Isn’t hungry. If they want milk, they’ll let you know! Also, windy babies confuse gas pains with hunger and want to feed so do try winding on the constant feeding/sick nights

You seem very anxious... and really, I think you have no need to be.
Sign of autism? please, just forget that.

You've read at 3 weeks a baby should sleep 4 hours, but, as they say, your baby hasn't read the books.

She's still very small, possibly going through growth spurts, cluster feeding etc.
Just roll with it for now I think, any concerns you can always contact HV who will probably just say nothing is wrong.

If you want your baby to sleep try rocking, wearing sling, taking out in pram ( I know its hot) or going for a ride in airconditioned car.

Not many babies like being swaddled at first, I think. My baby used to cry so I never really persisted. He also cried in the sling, but I think that was just before he fell asleep and he was sleepfighting.

Something I learnt, that I really had no clue about is that babies learn to sleep and you just need to help them.

On the other hand, she may have been awake as she was so busy feeding

And I would forget the stuff about affecting supply. If you want little one to get used to a dummy and a bottle start now.

If you leave it too late you may struggle to get baby to take them.

There is a significant growrh spurt at around 3 weeks which can be really unsettling for baby - which usually features insatiable hunger and cluster feeding.

At 2.5 weeks your DD is tiny and will have zero idea of day and night. She's also very much establishing your milk supply. I remember the constant feeding well and the complete lack of any structure.

Sounds like your doing brilliantly, especially with noticing her early feeding cues which takes some mothers a while to get the hang of. Keep on doing what you are doing, feed on demand, sleep when you can etc. A natural pattern to the days and nights will happen over the next weeks and months without you realising it.

Totally normal and fine!! ours is 8 months old now and a routine only really started developing around three months (and constantly changes!) it's true that they just naturally fall into a routine really. Keep going as you are :)