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Sleep

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Original poster

Do I drop the last nap? Advice needed please

25 replies

crazychemist · 03/07/2018 14:42

Hi there!
DD is 21 months, so I'd assumed would be napping for quite some time (lots of websites seem to suggest napping till about 3yo). She naps every day, sometimes for 1.5 hours, sometimes just over 2 hours, always just after lunch. She seems happy to sleep by 1pm, but canbestretched to 3.30 quite easily if necessary.
BUT bedtime is getting ridiculous! Previously, bedtime was 8pm, would slowly drift later as she got older, when it had crept to 9.30 we would drop a nap and bingo, back to 8pm! Bedtime has now got to 10.30 pm, and cansometimes nearly be midnight!!! She just isn't tired any earlier and will lie in the darkness singing to herself for hours. She's then tiredthe next day.
So do I drop the nap to bring bedtime earlier? Or do I persist a bit longer? She really doesn't seem ready to stop napping, but I'm sure it's causing her to get less sleep in total.

Would love some advice if you've been in a similar situation!

OP posts:

rubyroot · 04/07/2018 18:34

Only way is to try it and see!

Original poster

crazychemist · 05/07/2018 20:44

Thanks Ruby, guess I'll just have to bite the bullet and try it! My husband are I are both teachers, so the summer holiday seems a good time

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freakinbananaspiders · 05/07/2018 20:48

My little girl never napped after 16 months. It's hard as you don't get time to do much during the day but better than a midnight bedtime. Good luck x

scaredofthecity · 05/07/2018 20:50

My DS was very similar at that age. We stopped him napping and he went to bed beautifully (didn't stay but that's a whole other issue!)
We found that he still needed 'quiet time' so we'd cuddle up for an hour and watch CBeebies instead.

Original poster

crazychemist · 05/07/2018 20:54

Thanks for the advice! I think I knew I had to give it a go, I'm just nervous about giving up the last nap! Quiet time sounds like a good idea.

Would it be worth starting by cutting down nap length so she gets used to less sleep during the day before we drop it all together? She's always found nap transitions quite difficult

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MumOfOnee · 05/07/2018 20:56

Could you cut it short first and see how that goes? Maybe try an hour then wake her? Or don't let her sleep past a certain time? 21 months just seems so young to not nap!

Happymummy1991 · 05/07/2018 21:07

I remember DD had definitely stopped napping by that age, much to my dismay
Try it and see what happens. I think some kids just no longer need a nap earlier than others.

ComeLuckyApril · 05/07/2018 21:35

We had the same at that age and she spent months having a nap every other day and then bed at 6 if no nap, up ridiculously late on nap days. She's on about one nap a week now at 26 months so the nap is slowly going and she's asleep by 7 usually without the nap.

AprilShowers16 · 05/07/2018 21:44

We had similar recently with my son whose nearly 2, I played around with his existing nap for a while and eventually found that if he went down at 12 he could sleep until 2 and still go to bed at 8. We have another baby so decided that was the best option as I really need the daytime nap! If you’re desperate not to lose it then perhaps play around with the length or timing?

Original poster

crazychemist · 06/07/2018 13:41

Last night was a complete disaster, she didn't go to sleep till 12.45!!! I'm a bit of a wreck today.

I can't get her to nap any earlier than about 12.30, otherwise she won't eat lunch first, and if she doesn't eat first she wakes up screaming and miserable. I've bee not waking her up if she's still asleep at 2.30 as I think two hours is enough, but that still means a 10pm bedtime as she just isn't tired earlier.

She's only had one day without a nap (that was a bad day at nursery!), and she did go to bed really early after that, but was then up A LOT over night. I think I'll try waking her after an hour and see how that goes.

Thank you so much for your support and advice! It's really helpful to have a second opinion, I often feel a bit clueless and don't want to confess to people in RL just how late bed times have got over the last two months! I really want to do what's best for DD and let her get enough sleep.

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HumpHumpWhale · 06/07/2018 13:47

Watching with interest. DD is a bit older but we're having the same issue. We cut the nap to 90 minutes at 21 months. It helped temporarily but bedtime is creeping later again. But she's SO TIRED most days, she basically cried on and off all morning until naptime today and is so cheerful afterwards... But Jesus, i need to get to bed myself! So i don't know. Might try a 1 hour nap.

SeaToSki · 06/07/2018 13:47

I would try a nap at 12:30 promptly for 1 hr and then wake her up. Then try bedtime at 8pm and just let her sing (dont go in to check on her at all). Have you checked that her room is dark, and maybe try some white noise to help her drift off. My dd struggles to get to sleep but if I put a fan on her, she is out really fast.

Mar15mite · 06/07/2018 13:47

Ds is just turned 2 and I have to limit him at 1.5 hours or bedtime is a disaster. He did try resisting the nap a couple of months ago but dropping it meant he was an exhausted mess by 5.30pm and would be up unsettled over night. I'd def try limiting it to an hour or so before giving it up altogether x

Original poster

crazychemist · 06/07/2018 14:22

Ok, thanks all. I'll start tomorrow as she's too knackered from a crappy night. I'll be really strict about the 12.30 nap, and I'll wake her at 1.30 even if she resists nap and goes down a bit late.

Got to admit I'm not sure I'm ready for "don't check on her at all". Might take a while to get up the courage! I usually leave it fifteen minutes and the go back in to try an resettle her. I might try doing 30 minutes. She doesn't cry when I'm gone, she just sings to herself while I'm gone, but she's never gone to sleep completely alone. When she's ready for sleep she has a cuddle and a feed and then when she's nice a drowsy I put her down and after a little wriggle to get comfy she's fast off.

I'm kind of relieved to hear that others with similarly aged DC have had issues or have limited nap, looking on websites I felt like all toddlers should have a 2 hour nap every day and still go to sleep at 7.30, so I was feeling rather crap!

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SeaToSki · 06/07/2018 21:15

I think you are probably disturbing her constantly when you go in to check. As she is getting older and more aware, it is harder for her to switch off from the distraction. She is probably able to think about why Mummy is still up and what she might be doing downstairs etc. whereas when she was a little baby she was just self focused.

Maybe a new bedtime routine and you do the cuddle, feed and tuck her in - then leave at 8pm ish. If you cant stand to not know, use a baby monitor with a video, so you can see her. But dont go back in unless she is distressed (whinging doesnt count!) If she is distressed, cuddle, shush and tuck and leave with no chatting and no lights on. Rinse and repeat until she settles.

Original poster

crazychemist · 08/07/2018 18:54

Yeesh. Limited nap yesterday and she went to sleep no trouble at 10.30. Although this still isn't exactly an ideal time, it seemed like good progress!
Tonight is going to be awful though.... left her with DH while she was napping, with strict instructions to wake her at 1.30, 2pm at the latest. I get home at 4.30 and they are both fast asleep!

My grand plan of getting her into a more appropriate routine is clearly going wonderfully!

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Mar15mite · 08/07/2018 20:11

Noooo I hate when that happens, ah well everything is a work in progress, good luck tonight!

rubyroot · 08/07/2018 21:03

If she is singing happily then you don't need to check on her.
Let her try and sleep on her own, if she cries go in.

I'm not an expert, but I wonder if her not being able to self settle is part of the problem?

MommySharkDoDoDoDo · 08/07/2018 21:43

I had this exact same problem a few weeks ago, I literally could have written this word for word even the times etc (except DD does scream like an banshee lol) and didnt feel DD was ready to drop her final nap. Figured out that she went to bed better the less day sleep she had, so just tried her without any nap at all one day, and she was in bed for 10 to 7 and slept till 7am. She would always previously wake up anywhere from 30 mims - 2 hours after first going down if she’d not napped but this seems to have stopped now too. Had maybe one day where she’s been over tired and a nightmare at bedtime like before but I can cope with that every now and again especially with the heat.

The trick I have found is to keep the day busy and fun/full of distraction from tiredness and it’s fine. Some quiet time if she’s really tired is also good, ie reading a few books or sitting watching her favourite programme for a bit but you do have to watch like a hawk they don’t fall asleep. My only problem is the car, she loves a bloody car nap lol.

Original poster

crazychemist · 10/07/2018 18:36

I don't think not self-settling is a problem. She doesn't wake a lot at night, usually has one feed at the moment, which I think is because she is thirsty from the heat - her mouth is very dry by morning. I've been taking the wide awake and singing s a sign that she just isn't tired as absolutely nothing will get her to sleep at a reasonable hour!

Cutting down the nap does seem to be working, and she didn't grumble at all about Being woken today, so I'm hoping she's getting used to it.

I think I'll be happy if we can work on a 10pm bedtime until she's ready to drop the nap totally, hopefully soon! A 7pm bedtime sounds like an absolute fantasy at the moment, but maybe in a couple of months. Thanks for all the advice and support, it's really helpful

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Original poster

crazychemist · 14/07/2018 10:06

Thought I'd give an update as a few posters said they were watching because of similar situation:

I tried dropping the nap completely, and we just had a bit of quiet time instead when nap would have been. She seemed totally fine during the day and went to sleep happy and content at 9pm - she wasn't at all interested earlier, but I thought this was good progress. BUT disasterous night - she was awake once an hour and didn't properly settle till 5am!

Next day I let her nap but woke her after an hour. She wasn't at all happy being woken, but after a snack and a cuddle she was fine and went to sleep at 10pm (which is still a huge improvement on midnight!) and had a pretty decent night.

Last two days I've tried on-the-go napping. If she's in her pram or car seat she sleeps much less deeply I think, and doesn't seem to mind waking early. She woke up naturally just before the hour mark and seemed perfectly happy to do so. Went to sleep easily and happily at 10pm and only woke once for a feed at 3am, which I expect her to do.

The DOWNSIDE - the long term aim was to get her onto a reasonable bedtime so she got enough sleep in total. I'm really happy that she's now sleeping 12 hours at night, so 13 in total, which is a big improvement on the 10 she was getting before (8 at night max). But currently she's doing this 10-10 - I'm watching her sleep right now.

Any tips for routine slipping? Ideally by September she'd be 7-7, which is more than just a tweak! Should I try to adjust by 15 mins every couple of days? Or go for something more drastic before she gets into the habit of getting up so late?

OP posts:

Original poster

crazychemist · 14/07/2018 10:07

(My DH is away for the next two weeks, so no chance of long-snooze-sabotage!)

OP posts:

ComeLuckyApril · 14/07/2018 11:12

It's so light outside, I'd do it gradually if it's not a problem for now. As it gets darker in the evenings it will only help. The clock change will give you an hour though of course that's not until Oct.

yougogirl150 · 14/07/2018 11:13

I'd probably try 15 minutes a day so you'll be well on your way before dh gets back. If she doesn't sleep by 9.45 tonight, wake her up by 9.45 tomorrow regardless, 9.30 the next day etc.

Original poster

crazychemist · 21/07/2018 16:53

Thought I'd update again as I know some posters said they might be heading towards a similar situation with their DC.....

Not going well. Days seem to alternate. If she sleeps well at night, she naps late (nodded off at 3 today, after I'd given up!), goes to sleep ridiculously late (11.30ish), and then has a nap earlier the next day because she's tired and then goes to sleep between 9.30 & 10.30.

Since I've been trying to improve things, nap location has gotten worse! She used to nap in the car or pram if she was in them at nap time. Her naps would be fairly short and I hoped to use this to help with bedtime shifting. This has kind of blown up in my face. She is now highly suspicious and won't nap like that and is now nodding of on my lap. When I try to wake her, she screams like I'm cutting her in half! She has never done this before and I just can't handle doing it every day, especially as it doesn't seem to be much help. Today I've let her stay asleep, and she's still snoozing. Disaster.

feeling totally shit and like a failure at the moment. DD seems perfectly content as long as I never get her up before 10, which can't last!

Hugs and advice welcome! (Unless you're going to suggest leaving her to cry, as I'll just ignore you but feel even more crap)

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