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Original poster

Could modern approaches to baby’s sleep be linked to future mental illness?

30 replies

Interferer · 02/07/2018 11:00

I have just had a horrrendous weekend with my son’s six week old baby. During the day whenever she was restless from obvious tiredness they just jigged her about instead of just putting her down to sleep.

She thus dosed for only short periods and both parents were perpetually exhausted. It got me thinking. In my day after breakfast and walk my baby had been put into his cot in a quiet room where he slept f

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 02/07/2018 11:02

When you say jugged her about do you mean cuddled and rocked? That’s been pretty standard practice for babies for many years.

53rdWay · 02/07/2018 11:05

With the jigging her about, were they trying to get her to sleep that way or trying to keep her awake? Or did they not recognise the baby was sleepy?

It’s possible they’re just getting to grips with their new baby and aren’t recognising all the tiredness signs yet? Or maybe that jigging the baby about is the best way to get that particular baby to sleep?

HerSymphonyAndSong · 02/07/2018 11:05

So when your babies were put down to sleep they did actually sleep immediately did they? Some (most) babies don’t do that

FrozenMargarita17 · 02/07/2018 11:10

My baby wouldn't be put down to sleep at all at that age.

BillywigSting · 02/07/2018 11:16

At six weeks old the only way to get my dc to sleep was to put him across your arm, Tiger in the tree hold, and sort of vibrate your arm so his head jiggled very gently.

Would then have to wait around 15 minutes before he could be put down without waking up.

Occasionally he had to be put down straight into his moses basket, whereupon he would cry mercilessly for around half an hour and still be doing that awful little sleep sobbing where they take big gasping breaths when he was asleep. (this only happened twice after dp had gone back to work and I needed to shower so I could go to various Dr appointments).

Yes we were exhausted but new parents often are.

He's nearly five now and sleeps like the dead, falls asleep quickly etc. And we're not nearly as shattered.

Her0utdoors · 02/07/2018 11:20

Still think you're talking piffle! It's not your baby, butt out!

Wolfiefan · 02/07/2018 11:22

Mental illness? Whose? WTAF?
Google the fourth trimester. Young babies need to be held.

Drchinnery · 02/07/2018 11:24

Post seems incomplete but I'm sure that babies settled the 'old fashioned' ways will have also had mental health issues at some stage. It's a completely ridiculous statement.

I think the problem is that people always think they know best despite probably raising less than perfect people themselves. Adjusting to a new baby is difficult without people sitting there passing judgement about how it should be done! Every baby is different

Fwend · 02/07/2018 11:30

Have you just started another thread about this, focusing on putting babies out to sleep in the garden in your day?

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 02/07/2018 11:37

That's not a modern approach to sleep. It's an ancient one. "Traditional" cultures wear or carry babies constantly for sleep and they aren't riddled with mental illness as a result. It's your approach which is the anomaly and it wasn't exactly associated with a sudden generational dive in MH diagnoses.

If you had a baby that was happy to sleep on their own from day dot, fine, lucky you. But give over with all this "in my day we had parenting cracked" rubbish. In your day you simply didn't think that babies' feelings mattered very much.

HerSymphonyAndSong · 02/07/2018 11:59

I think it’s also very easy for many people to misremember exactly what they did with their babies and when. The baby weeks/months merge into one. My MIL gave me lots of advice at 4 weeks that it transpired worked when her babies were more like 4 months old (so useful advice for the future, but not right now)

Camomila · 02/07/2018 12:08

I'm sure there were plenty of mums that shhhd/cuddled/breastfed their babies to sleep 'in your day' too.

I think some 'old fashioned' parenting advice must have stressed DMs out - like only breastfeeding every four hours! (Although my DM says if I started crying before then she fed me anyway)

spugzbunny · 02/07/2018 12:39

Christ! Judge much? Are you actually suggesting that your grandchild being jiggled to sleep is going to cause mental health issues in the future? Shock

My baby girl is often rocked in a pram or in her bouncy chair or in my arms to sleep and she's a perfect beautiful angel!

spugzbunny · 02/07/2018 12:41

I've just seen your username ... this a joke then right?

sunlighthouse · 02/07/2018 12:42

Well if you were such a perfect parent how do you explain how your son turned out, since he clearly isn't living up to your expectations?!

EdgeOf17 · 02/07/2018 12:44

Please tell me you offered your son and DIL 'some' words of comfort and support, or was it just judgement Hmm

spugzbunny · 02/07/2018 12:47

@EdgeOf17 right? Bet that went down a treat!

Any way I've actually heard that babies who aren't great sleepers are more intelligent as it's a sign their tiny little brains are just so active! At least that's what I'm telling myself!!

Isadora2007 · 02/07/2018 12:48

My grandmother was traumatised by the memory of being made to leave my dad to cry as a baby as it was “good for their lungs”. She had lost a baby at a very late stage of pregnancy prior to him and he was a much loved baby- so she felt she had to do what she was told was best for him. But she said my grandad had to physically stop her from going to him (my dad) when he was crying.
She spoke to me about it when I had my own son and picked him up every time he cried and cuddled him to sleep etc. She said she wished she had been able to do that for her baby.
Of course responding to your baby’s needs will NOT cause MH issues in the future- NOT doing so would be more likely to.

EdgeOf17 · 03/07/2018 08:43

@spugzbunny eh? I don't follow...

Bowlofbabelfish · 03/07/2018 08:53

It’s a totally normal way of getting babies to sleep. In no other period of history except the very recent western past have babies ‘just been put down and left’ to sleep. Most cultures, for most of history, have cuddled, carried, jiggled, shoved them in a caboose or sling etc and carried them round.

So no, putting them down and leaving them to sleep isn’t the norm. Never has been. Most of the research shows that leaving babies to scream themselves to sleep stresses them.

Your son and his partner are doing it right. Please support them rather than judging.

annandale · 03/07/2018 08:59

I'm always comforted to remember that there's documentary evidence that when Tudor royal babies were born, three servants were employed just to rock the cradle. Not to wet nurse, not to look after the baby, just to rock the cradle.

Babies, adults, sleep, not simple now and never has been.

Flyawaypeterflyawaypaul · 03/07/2018 09:00

You sound like a typical over involved pain in the backside mil. And clearly not a very educated one at that to come up with a link so vague as and jigging tired baby up and down causes mental illness.

Back off let them get on with caring for their own baby and keep your nasty judgemental opinions to yourself. If you say a horrible comment like this, your dil may just laugh at you for not being very bright, or she could take it personally and these things can lead to post natal depression. She had a baby six weeks ago, her hormones will be all over the place. Back off.

SoyDora · 03/07/2018 09:03

they just jigged her about instead of just putting her down to sleep

Putting mine down to sleep would have resulted in hysterical screaming until she eventually exhausted herself to sleep. I’m sure that would be more likely to lead to mental health problems...

SoyDora · 03/07/2018 09:04

How on earth do you think ‘jigging’ causes mental health problems?

Pressuredrip · 03/07/2018 09:05

My mil thinks our kids are spoilt too, but she also says she used to sit outside the nursery door listening to her babies screaming whilst crying herself. Hardly aspirational parenting.