15 month old, refusing to sleep (since birth!).. anyone else?!

[Jessie2109]

Hi all,

I am need desperate need of wise words/advice/knowing I'm not alone.

My little boy is 15 months next week. I've got to a point where I literally can't focus in the day and at work and dread bedtime and dread any time I spend with him. I feel like the worst mum.

We did sleep training (CC) when he turned 1 year. It took around 3 weeks to make progress. Previous to this I was co-sleeping and he was wanting boob every hour. After 3 weeks of ST, he was in his cot all night, and waking only once... perfectly manageable for me, compared to what it was like.

THEN, jabs, throat infection and 2 back teeth coming through, all in succession to one another. So sleep went to pot and he was waking every hour again. I ended up co-sleeping again.. I know it was a step back but I was (am still) so exhausted.

We found he was dairy intolerant after eventually paying for a private test. So cut out dairy. Decided we'd let his stomach settle for a month of DF then try sleep training again.

So now we are on night 10, we'd been having slow progress again, waking 2-3 times, usually would settle if I go in, 'ssshhh & sleepy time' maybe 1 or 2 times. But last night was truly the WORST night ever. Can anyone please tell me if this is normal to go back a few steps when ST? at this stage. I'm so done with reading stories of my baby did it in 3 nights and now sleeps all night etc... because my child isn't doing this. So I need support that this is happening to someone else?!

He is a high needs child and so active. He walked at 10 months so has been on the move for a long time. Nothing tires him out. By 7pm he's knackered and think he'll sleep well... 'will this be the night?!?!?... no'

Bedtime routine:
Milk (boob) in the living room
Bath
Stories and cuddles
Put in cot awake

He usually goes of to sleep fine, no problems, its the night waking we are having problems with.

Naps: 1 x 1 hr in the morning (10-11ish, 1 x 30 mins in afternoon anywhere between 2.30-3.30ish)

Sorry for such a long post.
Thanks in advance to anyone who's got this far!!

x

Firstly this sounds so tough - and I have a 12 week old that'll only sleep for 2hrs a time!

I think infant sleep is a total myth for the first year to 18 months. My first "slept through" from 5.5 months apart from when she was teething (constantly), ill (literally one after another when she started nursery) and the times she just fancied waking to scream for two hours a night (this went on for around a month) but in between all of those she'd sleep well, looking back the awake nights outnumbered the asleep nights until she hit 1 (ish).

Looking at your schedule the naps could perhaps be tweaked, he'll be transitioning down to one nap soon, if not already which could also explain his night waking his long nap is in the morning and too early to keep him going til bed time. Maybe try to make the morning sleep a shorter power nap and the later sleep a longer nap to see him through til bed time.

Could you gradually reduce the morning nap to 10-15 mins (a horrifying thought I know) and make the second nap a bit earlier as he'll be tired so 12-12:30 start and let him sleep for up to 2hrs (at least 1.5hrs though). I found when we shifted the naps around it really helped my first. She's now down to one long lunch nap and has to be woken in the morning.
Is he hungry during the night? Could you try giving him a small bowl of porridge as a supper before the bedtime routine starts?
Could you try white noise? Is his room blackout dark - if not you could try a blind that Velcros to the window or (much cheaper!) spray the glass with water and put tin foil on the glass to block the light out

I really hope some of this helps, I know how tough it is. Stick in there though, not many teenagers wake in the night...🙈

stuckficks Thank you so much for your reply!
Yes I was thinking of trying to get down to 1 nap soon.. the problem is, he keeps waking to start the day at 4-5am. But I think your suggestion of doing a power nap in the morning might help this, and then the longer one at lunch/early afternoon.
When I feed him during the night (just once) he does seem to feed but only for a few minutes, so I think this is comfort at the moment. I am happy to do 1 feed, if it helps him sleep. But only if this is the only time he wakes (this is what we got down to last time we ST)
I do try and give him food before his routine starts, but he's only just started eating... its been a long process to get him to eat. :(
We have a GroBlind which makes the room nice and dark and I've tried white noice app, I'm unsure whether this is a help or hinderance.. We have a Ewan sheep which he likes so we will probably continue using this.

Thanks so much for your suggestions and msg. Its has been helpful and to know i'm not alone is a help. As much as the night feel long, I do have to remind myself its not forever...

Ok, the early waking is probably a habit and can be fixed. You've already done the hard work with laying the ground work for CC so I'd suggest leaving him as long as he's happy, if he screams treat it as a night feed. Ultimately I'd go in, offer a feed/drink keeping everything quiet, dark etc and pop back in the cot. Took about a week to break the habit this way for us.
On days where he wakes early and won't resettle you could give him a nap 2-3hrs after he wakes for about 20 mins and then plough on til the longer lunch nap. It's going to be tough but you can do it.
I'd still try the porridge as a supper as you may find that helps a bit a few spoon fills may be all he needs.

He does cry yes.. when I feed him, he tends to feed and stay awake.. I don't speak to him and he then continues to try and look at me and chatter. As if its morning! I will give what you did a try still.. I have been trying to do this, but as he continues to cry, we have to do something, as we live above a young family with two young girls who also need their sleep. So hard. But... I will continue. We have to!!! Thanks so much for your advice, its been really helpful and lots of things for me to try.
Will also give porridge a go, you're right, he might not need much! x

I feel for you! I really do. I'm giving baby stuckficks a few more weeks but then we'll be starting gentle sleep training and I worry how we'll do it when my first is only 19 months and I don't want to wake her!
Hope any of this works for you. It will get better, as much as I want to bite people that told me it was just a phase that would pass it will. Keep me updated!

My tuppence is that at this point, it's not that long until they begin to sleep better anyway. You still have a LOT of developmental milestones ahead of you that might mess up sleep after having done another bout of CC.
Having had two very unsettled sleepers until well past the age of two, I was dramatically less exhausted the second time when I just accepted this was going to be a very very hard stage of parenting, and I would just have to go to bed early and keep co-sleeping to get as much rest as possible.

Second time round, 15 months feels like a young baby still to me. If you can try and step back, get your OH to step up as much as possible, and consider co-sleeping and feeding until he naturally begins to learn longer sleeping, it might be the least stressful thing for everyone.
Once my youngest was 2, I swapped beds with DH and got excellent sleep in with my older child. there were a few nights of sadness but she wasn't left alone crying because DH was there to comfort. Had no trouble at all since then, and we are still nursing in the morning and bedtime.

Good luck

This is a step further from my DD, who was a notoriously bad sleeper, the difference being that I knew that sleep training would never wok so we co-slept and she fed to sleep (several times a night). I'm not saying it's a perfect solution but at least l got some sleep and she was happy. This went on until she turned two and no, I don't recommend it by sometimes a mum has to do what a mum has to do to keep her sanity.

Ooft that sounds bad, you poor thing. My DD was a terrible sleeper and like you, I co slept with her. Tried a bit of sleep training but it just didn't work for us, so we co slept for a long time. As @andromache says, it's all about survival!

Fortunately, she's now 3 and sleeps very well in her own room since she was 2.5. Still the occasional night of disrupted sleep but it's a dream compared to what she was like. So there's hope!

Unfortunately, DS (8 months) is also a terrible sleeper so here i am again