9week old evening routine

[Gilldav]

Hi, my first time posting (hope I’ve done it right) could do with some advice on getting my 9 wk ds into an evening routine. He Is very grumpy in the evenings, And won’t settle. I think I might be being to soft with him, in terms of his bath, bottle, bed routine as I’ve felt he was to young to be left upstairs - he goes upstairs when I do.
Not getting any time to myself or with my dh in the evening to relax or even catch up on housework etc so need to try and change things if possible. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks

I don't think you can be 'too soft' with a nine week old baby. Sorry but for this very short period of your life you won't have time alone with DH. Wait til he's six months old and can sleep alone, it really will fly by.

My routine at 9 weeks looked like: breastfeed on the sofa whilst eating dinner one handed with a spoon out of a bowl and trying not to drop too much on baby, all up to bed when I was tired, feed to sleep, put baby in co-sleeper cot, sleep myself. He now pretty much sleeps through; I don’t think it’s done us any harm at all.

Agree that you can’t really be ‘too soft’ with a tiny baby.

However, if you need some time to chill without the baby in the evening (which is a good plan if you’re feeling touched out and baby-overwhelmed), could you try taking him up earlier and leaving him with a monitor once asleep. Or as you’re bottle feeding, could your partner do bedtime so you get a bit of time to yourself.

Regardless of what you decide, it does get easier!

Thanks ladies, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one eating one handed , or cold food lol. Everybody I’ve spoken to has told me how they had fab routines from 6 wks and that I need to be doing it, so as you can imagine as a ftm I’m feeling a bit like a failure

The recommendation is that babies don't sleep alone until 6 months so I keep my DS (8 weeks) downstairs with me until I go to bed.
Me and DH try to eat together and usually manage it by only starting to cook dinner when he's having his feed approx 7pm (DH feeds and I cook). Once he's been fed and winded he'll usually nap for an hour or so and dinner will be ready so we get an hour together to eat and watch tv while he snoozes on his cushion on sofa. It's only an hour but it's a little bit of normality. Then we do bath and bedtime routine when we go up to bed.

Your baby is new to the world, knowing only mummy and mummy's body. You can't spoil a baby, yes a toddler and any age from then on upwards. there is no routine apart from everyone fed and no one's dead. You are surviving and also adjusting to your new body and way of life.

Those people who say they had babies in routines are more than likely lying. Because no one can remember much about the hellish few months of their babies lives. All I know is that it was hard work, I relied on biscuits and hardly ever slept. I couldn't tell you when any of mine slept through or when we fell into a routine.

Just smile and nod.

Every baby is different, every family is different follow your instincts!

DS didn’t go to bed alone untill 5 months. I know it goes against sids but we had a tiny flat and he needed pitch black to settle and had decided he didn’t want to sleep on me anymore. Before this he would be up with us in the living room untill he dropped of for the night- then we’d both go to bed. I’d BF him and he’d snooze on and off all evening. I ate dinner one handed and just relaxed watching TV. Newborns can generally be unsettled in the evening- it’s prime fussy time.

I know it’s hard not getting time with your DH but unfortunately it’s just part and parcel of the course at the moment. It will come again in time. 9 weeks is far to little to worry about a routine, just do what you need to to get by and have enough rest. Housework can wait!

You can never be ‘too soft’ on a baby- you’re doing what feels natural. I promise time passes quickly and you’ll get your evenings back!

Who are these people who have a ‘routine’ by 9 weeks?! I’d comfort yourself with the (slightly spiteful) thought that when the sleep regression hits, those of us who make it up as we go along and roll with the baby’s needs will adapt and carry on, and those people with routines will have a big shock!

My baby is 8 weeks and goes up when I do. Unfortunately it does mean lack of time to myself but I think one day I will miss the cuddles!

Hi Gilldav,

You and your baby are totally normal. Trust your instinct to want to be with him, you don't "have" to leave him alone or do any sort of sleep training or whatever. As everyone else has said, he's still teeny.

It's an enormous shift from what life is like as a couple to having a new baby, and some people will subject baby to various methods to bend it to the shape of their old life. I think for everyone it's easier to just understand that life isn't going to be the same, and adjust expectations.
Your DH can sort out all the housework, and if you get into the sofa & TV/gaming/reading/chatting groove with your DH while the baby naps on you, there's no reason you can't continue having 'together time' even though it will be much reduced than what it used to be. Enjoy the precious snuggle time while your baby is still so tiny (and don't feel you have to listen to mothers who either have naturally restful babies, or are using sleep training methods that involve leaving the baby- there's no other ways to get decent sleep with young kids!).

9 weeks old routine is basically, feed and cuddle with the odd nappy change. If you are unlucky you may have to pace, bounce or walk a very upset baby.

Thanks ladies you have made me feel much better after reading your messages With no pressure just to enjoy my ds, awe are currently sat in the garden and he’s smiling away very happy which is all that’s important. Really appreciate the advice and messages

Babies at 9 weeks don’t have ‘routines’. I don’t believe the fab-routine-at-six-week brigade.. Enjoy your baby!

Remember why they are meant to sleep in the same room as you until six months: it's not so you can hear them, but so they can hear you breathe and lowers risk of cot death. [Lullaby trust
www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/room-sharing/]

Yeah the people who claim to have it all sorted by six weeks are the exceptions. Honestly. The rest of us are just too knackered to talk about it ;) Relax, enjoy the special time with your baby. I promise time will fly and you'll have your evenings back soon enough. My baby was superglued to me 24/7 and drove me to absolute madness, but now at 6 months he can't physically stay up past 6pm and I find myself missing my evening cuddles a bit (not as much as I enjoy getting to watch Love Island in peace though lol).

Hello from the other side (6 months in) I was going to post but **fortheloveofjame has worded it just as I would have.
Baby TK now goes up around 7 and sleeps through.
Ignore all the comments. They used to pee me off. Especially the ‘oh I just pop him upstairs in his sleep bag and off he goes to sleep’ I very much doubt it!!!
Go with what suits your baby and you.
Good luck & know that you’re not the only one who’s been through it