What can I do to support my DS through 8 month anxiety - how did you cope?

[Jellybabie3]

I am after some practical advice please, so please don't attack me (!).
My DS is 8.5 months old. He has been self settling for a couple of months maybe. He is a brilliant happy little boy.

In the last couple of weeks his sleep has changed which I was expecting based on the horror stories of the 8 month regression. This was made worse I think by the fact we went on holiday. He was in our room and hated his travel cot. To survive (we were away with Gparents) I had to feed him to sleep. I do say 'had' because he was hysterical. This meant he woke every 40 min but either way we survived, got home and he straight away went back to 4 hour chunks and 1 - 1.30min hour naps (brilliant!!) so he (and I) is getting some good sleep.

BUT. He has become so difficult to settle.
I hold him after a feed and place him in the cot content and awake. He will roll onto his side (he sleeps that way). Then shuffles about getting comfy, then PANIC. and the arm waving and crying starts. I pick him up and he arch's his back that he wants to go down - a signal he's been doing since self-settling, but when I put him down he gets comfy, then panics again. I have tried comforting him in the cot but there's no way its working atm. This goes on for a good 40min EVERY nap and EVERY wake up until he finally goes to sleep. The odd occasion its gone on so long only the boob will settle him - he's not hungry, its literally a nibble and he's out. I am happy to hold and cuddle him, I love him to death. But it worries me he is so unsettled - When I pick him up he genuinely looks scared, looking about the room like somethings there.....its so strange.

Its like I have lost his trust that I am there or he is safe.

And, although I am getting some good spells of sleep, the holding and picking up and putting down is physically exhausting and really, really hurting my back. Its actually also quite upsetting.

So Is there anything I can do to calm his anxiety? How did you get through this wavy patch - do what it takes or keep persevering with self settling? Any practical advice please?

Sounds like a really stressful experience for both of you. If feeding him settles him so quickly then that seems like the obvious solution - comfort reassurance that you’re there with him plus a quick result for you! Win win! The magic sleepy effect is one of the big bonuses of bf I always think

Yes I agree. I guess i worry 'i am making a rod for my back' as it took a while for him to learn to self settle. But your right it is upsetting. Think its made worse that my breaks while he naps is spent organising my return to work, although a couple of months away I need to.figure a few things out. Maybe my anxiety is wearing off on him. Sigh.

Thanks for responding ☺

I can feel your anxiety coming through your posts! I think you just need to take the path of least resistance right now and be kind to you both and just focus on meeting both your needs to be happy and comfortable and everything will fall into place. I’m a big believer with babies (and children in general) that everything is a phase - the good and the bad. And that everything has a way of sorting yourself out in time without you really having to DO anything. Take care.

Yes your exactly right. I know its a phase he was going to go through. Its just the look of panic from him thats so sad to see really I will take a deep breath and regroup I think. Thank you

My DS was a champion self settler from 4 months- I could put him down in his sleepyhead and and he would babble himself away to sleep. Then we hit 8 months and all of a sudden he was doing a very similar thing- flailing around, sitting up, crying and getting distracted. It was so upsetting because he used to settle absolutely fine. He’d wake up in the night and would be awake for hours and would only settle with the boob, and it had to be repeated constantly.

I changed our bedtime routine as I realised he needed to go down more drowsy. Now at bed time we turn the lights off, white noise on, into sleeping back and have a cuddle being rocked in the nursing chair untill his body relaxes. He’s not asleep but he’s sleepy. I still do this at 13 months for nap and bedtime (and on the odd occasion he needs it during ge night). He continued to wake in the night untill 10.5 months and when he did I just whatever I could to get him back to sleep the eaisest and quickest way. Do you have a rocking chair?

I know it’s not the same situation but I just wanted to show that sometimes their needs change and you have to go backwards at little bit. There’s nothing wrong with giving extra comfort. I’ve never done any sleep training of any sorts. I never imagined a time when DS would sleep through but he randomly did, when he was developmentally ready for it.

Trust your instincts jelly, sometimes there’s no reason or explanations- they are just being babies 😂

Oh i know. He has a mind of his own already. Its not that he wont self settle that I am upset about, its the fact hes so upset. Like I say, its like the holiday has made him worried where he is. Like hes lost trust I will be there. I am cuddling him and holding him in the night because, like you say, he needs it. I am a little wary of the feeding as we got to the point it was every 40min and I cant keep up with that.

I think maybe I need to destress a little myself. I feel really crap about going back to work and so I think I am quite tense. Being a mum sure is an emotional rollercoaster.

Thanks so much for sharing.

That’s totally understandle. I went back when DS was a just under a year and I cried and cried on my first day. However, I actually like going now. For the first year I did everything mostly and had very little social life. Being back part time means I get a bit of myself back, time so eat/pee alone and complete space from DS. It also finally showed me thy despite what I thought he was totally fine without me.

Try not to worry about work too much now, cross the bridge when you come to it and don’t let it overshadow the time you have left with DS. It goes to quickly and you’ll have earned he break when it comes ❤️

Sorry for all the typos, tried one handed typing

Ah I know. All my NCT friends go back to work on Monday and swimming lessons stop for the summer so I think its fear of being lonely now too. I'm a fidgety person so despite my huge love for my son, I'm not the type to be able to sit on the carpet with him all day. We go here there and everywhere together and I just love it. Hes my little sidekick.

Its such a mix of emotions isnt it.

I do have a bouncy chair (springy thing rather than rocking) DS likes btw so will start using that more to atleast save my back at night. And i did think for naps I am not gonna beat myself up. I only have a few weeks then its the childminders problem (paying enough haha)

Thanks again.