Advice on Controlled Crying

[Samila]

Hi all

Last night we tried our first night of controlled crying on my one year old which felt heart breaking to watch however despite it taking just over an hour of him crying (checking gradually) he finally fell asleep and stayed asleep through the night! This is brilliant as he hasn't done this in ages!

Now that he has done his first night I want to make sure that we don't take any steps backward as he has severe separation anxiety and have lots of questions!

1. Now we have done the first night how do I tackle naps during the day. Should I use the same method for his naps?? Or can I go back to rocking him to sleep and putting him in his cot for naps and try and just crack his bedtime routine first for a few days before moving on to naps?? I don't want to put too much stress on my baby all at once.

1. Over the next few nights if he wakes up in the middle of the night do I just have to continue with the controlled crying method?? Based on past experience do they just tend to sleep through once they learn to self settle

1. Once we have cracked controlled crying should He then wake up in the middle of the night what do I do?? Check he is hungry/too hot/ too cold but never bring him back to our room?? What if he is ill or has a cough and cold do I still need to just leave him to settle alone in his cot after comforting him?

Thanks for all your advice and tips! I just want to make sure we don't regress and make his separation anxiety any worse!! At the same time I don't want to just abandon him and make him feel like I'm not there for him!

Samila X

1. Definitely use the same technique for nap times. If you rock him to sleep during the day, he will get very confused as to why you won't at night and you'll be back to square one again. Persist: the first few times are usually the hardest.

1. Personally (and I might be in the minority here) I would still attend to your baby in the night. My DD is 20 months now and still occasionally wakes in the night thirsty, or because of teething etc. 99% of the time she will go straight back to sleep on her own after a small bottle, or calpol if it's needed, etc.

If it feels heart breaking, and he has servere separation anxiety, don't do it! Give him all the cuddles, don't cause him distress.

I know you are asking for advice on technique, but I second the query on why you're doing this with a baby you know has "severe separation anxiety"? And it sounds like you're still at home during the day if you're doing naps, so why is this a need to do now? Is night sleeping very disturbed in general? There are many other ways you can address getting more sleep yourself (if that's your reason) without putting yourself and your son through this.

Some babies are ready to 'self-settle' and being left doesn't bother them, but I'd imagine that some of the reason he slept through last night was because after an hour of crying he was exhausted, not because he necessarily 'self-settled'.

It's totally normal for children to take a very long time to learn to sleep, you don't have to intervene with any form of sleep training. If you found it heart-breaking and he certainly did, then maybe ask yourself if it's worth it, or at the least, why you are doing it now when he's at a separation anxiety stage? Why not give it a few more months and see if the situation changes?

I work in a child development area and I severely disagree with the crying out method. Children at that age need love and support for the benefit of their brain development.

Letting them cry themselves to sleep is not beneficial for them it's only for your benefit. At that age they don't understand what's happening and you could harm their development and growth.

How is a child meant to feel secure attached and loved if you are leaving them to cry for long periods and not attending to their needs (basic love and affection)

Controlled crying and crying it out are not the same thing though.

Over an hour to be left crying controlled or not is too long and a bit cruel especially if they have seperation anxiety. He probably tired himself out. There are surely other methods to try